Who's better for me - the girl I want or the girl my family wants?
December 21, 2013 2:23 PM Subscribe
It seems like a no-brainer answer at first glance - of course you stick with a girl you really dig regardless of what Mommy and Daddy think. But I'm not so sure my own tastes are in my best interest...
posted by johnpoe50 to Human Relations (50 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Back when I was on my own in college and truly getting into real dating relationships for the first time, I realized that I have a "type" I tend to zero in on. Introverted, creative girls who weren't afraid to laugh at themselves and who prefer more nerdy hobbies always made me get hot and bothered.
I've also found that with many of the girls I stayed in relationships with, there's some strange similarities in traditionally negative things - clinical depression, anti-social tendencies, and weight issues - that I never found to be deal breakers. In fact, I tend to find the anti-social tendencies a relief (obligatory trips out on the town with a girls' friends SUCK) and I tend to find some kinds of insecurity pretty endearing.
My family has noticed this when I've introduced long term girlfriends to them - inevitably, once the girl leaves, the same conversation happens. "Son, why aren't you dating a girl that challenges you?" "You're very handsome you know," "Do you feel like you need the upper hand while you're dating or something?"
Basically it boils down to my parents not liking that I'm dating women who lack social confidence and are overweight. And I'm vilifying them a bit in how I'm portraying them because I WANT them to be wrong, but they do have some good points - I tend to stay aloof from making many new friendships in general and I truly just want to invest in a romantic relationship at this point in my life, so perhaps that's why I avoid more extroverted women right off the bat. That and I MIGHT tend towards having some insecurities myself, both socially and physically (I'm a skinny son-of-a-gun).
My folks want me to date Mrs. Perfect. A socialite with a great job who makes witty conversation and has a bangin' bod. I really just want a nice girl to cuddle and play Mario Kart with.
Are my current dating habits unhealthy? Or are my parents wrong and just being too judgmental?