Too close for comfort . . .
December 19, 2013 2:05 PM Subscribe
I've searched previous threads regarding appropriate relationships with exes, but I'm still a little confused with my situation. Would really appreciate some feedback from both the male and female perspective.
posted by canda to Human Relations (24 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Have been dating my current dude for almost 1.5 years. I love everything about him and our relationship - we are very different but have a ton to talk about, we always make each other laugh, have great sexual chemistry, have similar ideas about the future (both of us have been divorced and aren't looking to have kids or get married again). We have the same mindset about finances, social issues, etc.
The only concern is my increasing uneasiness with his relationship with his ex-wife. He was married for 10 years, divorce went through right before we met. He has been good friends with her throughout and since the divorce. They text on a frequent basis about how they are doing and random things (like friends do), they invite each other to group outings maybe once every few months (I'm always in attendance). He was clear from the beginning that they are good friends and have no ill-will towards each other, and no romantic feelings. For what it's worth, they were both in agreement on getting divorced though I think it was initially her wanting it more than he.
I have hung out with her many times, including two day long road trips (which, I know, most people think is extremely weird and unusual). I think she's great, and if she wasn't his ex I would probably be good friends with her. We talk openly when we are all together about me being his girlfriend and she his ex. He's physically affectionate towards me in front of her, and we talk about our relationship in front of her.
That being said, despite his words, I wonder if there are still some physical attraction or feelings left between them for them to remain this close. They do have some of the same interests, and they have lots to talk about when they are together. I just have never known any divorced couple (without kids) to be as close as them. I don't *want* it to bother me, and I think it's great that he's been able to remain friends with his ex (that is not the case with me and my ex).
But despite my best efforts, my jealousy is starting to nag at me. And I'm not sure why *now* it's starting to nag me so much. I do totally trust him in that I never think he would cheat on me. But I do worry that I'm being naive and months/years from now I will be hitting myself for not realizing the impact of their close relationship.
Personal experiences? Advice? Am I being way to naive? Does anyone out there in a long term relationship have a really good relationship with their ex where they interact this frequently?