How to mend a broken 5+ year friendship
December 13, 2013 11:25 AM Subscribe
Friend and I had a blow out 4 months ago. We've been friends before that for 5+ years. She's ignored my previous initiatives to reach out and try to apologize and talk things out. Is there any hope? Or should I just leave this alone?
posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (21 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Friend and I have been friends for awhile. We got along pretty well, traveled once together, could be open with each other and not pass judgements. Just a really great friendship.
I recently moved back in the area and I knew that when I came back things would be different-- I changed a bit and so did she, but I didn't think it would change the dynamic of our friendship.
Over the course of the first few months I was settling back in I felt she didn't really make an effort to reach out to hang out and things were very one-sided with making an effort. She was busy with her boyfriend, but I always felt that its important to maintain your friendships as well rather than entirely focus on your s.o. especially after the honeymoon phase is over.
In the backdrop, my parents decided they were going to divorce and for me it was very unsettling and a difficult time to get through, and still is. I voiced to her how I wasn't feeling myself, getting upset a lot, frustrated with what was going on between my family. I thought she would have been able to understand especially being she had a similar situation.
I was always feeling that when I needed a friend and I would reach out to her, she wouldn't really make time to hang out or if it was it would have been weeks or months in advance. She did make an effort, but I interpreted it as half-assed.
Finally, 4 months ago, I was fed up with excuses and while she said she was busy, it seemed she was still getting out to be with her boyfriend.
We had a blow out and I will admit some of my arguments were irrational, but I still felt frustrated at the situation that she didn't seem to understand that I felt she wasn't being a supportive friend.
We ceased speaking for a few weeks and then I decided to follow up with a short email mentioning I was sorry for how the conversation ended and if we could meet for coffee somewhere to talk about things. ....no response.
Then after speaking with another friend, they suggested just a short text apologizing again a month or so after. again no response.
Now it's the holidays and it's been 4 months and part of me wants to reach out again, but with a bigger explanation about my behavior and wanting to understand her point of view better. Hopefully through that conversation we can talk and both see each others sides of the argument.
Some have advised me against this saying-- well they haven't responded the other times so that means a closed door, but at the same time-- I really valued their friendship and I feel that we had been such good friends before and for so long that making the extra effort and trying to be more understanding would be worth a shot.
Mefe, what's your take?