But ... I thought you loved me
December 9, 2013 6:25 PM Subscribe
I'm one of 25,000 or so people who lost their homes in a recent natural disaster. The silence from (some) people I thought were my tribe is deafening. How do I move past/heal from this?
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet to Human Relations (64 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
It's hard to write this, but I've been struggling for months. I lost my home in a nationally televised, very public disaster. I heard from friends all over the world, and had some amazing local support, and offers of assistance from near and far.
But a number of people, people whom I know KNOW, people whom I love and whom I thought loved me, didn't (still haven't) bothered to pick up the phone or the Facebook and just say "That sucks. I'm sorry. How are you?"
Raising this to them (in any form) seems needy and pathetic. But I'm left, on top of the loss of my home and a lot of my stuff, feeling like the biggest loss is the illusion that I was loved, cared for, in the way that I cared for them. I didn't hear from one of my dearest friends (to be fair, he's dealing with some heavy shit of his own). But when I said, "That hurt me" he immediately said "I'm sorry." From him, that's really all I needed to hear. But the others?
So, hive, do you handle/move past this? I'm putting my life back together after many hard months ... but this is the hurt that stays with me. Another friend said, "well you're so strong ... people know if you need anything, you'd ask." FUCK THAT.
I want to scream "I fled with my pet and a few things I could grab and YOU KNOW THIS and you couldn't fucking pick up a phone?" but that's counter-productive. Do I cut/block these people from my life? I'm not talking about casual acquaintances, I mean 20+ year folks whom if there's a tornado going through their parts, I drop a note/call saying "Hey, that's scary. Let me know you're OK." People for whom I would open my home, send a check (not ask if they needed a check), people I'd try to support emotionally, even long-distance.
Wha? And why? Sorry this seems whiny, but I'm still struggling with it. (And, to clarify, THEY KNOW.)