What is an actual "dealbreaker" when it comes to relationships?
December 8, 2013 5:57 PM Subscribe
I met a wonderful man.
He is kind, loving, smart, generous, funny, encouraging and we have unbeatable chemistry and honest communication.
On one hand, I'm trying to be in the moment and enjoy this process (about six weeks in now). On the other hand, I'm thinking about the future.
I'm a firm believer in gut instincts. When I hit it off with someone, it's often instant and has lead to some long and meaningful relationships.
I also have a bad habit of overlooking issues. I've never ended a relationship.
We have a great time when we're together and see one another often (5-6 times a week). Things have progressed really quickly and I feel confident in what we've established in terms of labels and exclusivity. I have no doubt of how he feels about me, nor of how I feel about him.
He is in a very precarious financial and living situation. He's a freelancer who often goes weeks with very little/no money. He's helping friends with their business, so as of now has a free place to stay, but that too is a potentially temporary agreement. He has no interest in taking a job just for a paycheck.
posted by patientpatient to Human Relations (42 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
This along with his not super social personality, we don't often go out. I don't need to be wined and dined. I don't miss the bars. I don't expect or want someone to pay my way. But I'm aware that simple things like going out to brunch or to the movies (dutch) isn't financially viable. I'm wary of inviting him to events that require paying a cover or the implication of buying drinks.
He's also very hesitant about accepting my offer to pay, though on occasion he'll let me. He's not a mooch or a user.
I don't mind dating someone who's broke. But I'm wary of what this will mean in the long run. Eventually I'm going to want to do something or go somewhere and I'm going to resent not being able to do it with him. He's very open about where he's at (39 and living in a friend's basement). He's not proud of it or defiant, per se. He's a very talented and creative person and as someone who has an arts background and an unstable career as well (I haven't had a "real" job in five years, have no savings or health insurance) I understand and in no way think he should just suck it up and work wherever.
But if he's unable or unwilling to find stability for himself and by extension me, is that reason enough to end things?
I know you can't answer that for me, but I'm curious if any of you have been in similar situations, where everything didn't add up the way you wanted it to and how you were able to weigh the pros and cons and what in the end mattered the most.