Should I pay my boyfriend to do chores around the house?
December 8, 2013 9:54 AM Subscribe
Should I pay my boyfriend to do chores around the house and work as a “stay at home dad”?
As a high earning, divorced mom, I met my current boyfriend, a great and kind person, who I love very much. We mostly have same values but our backgrounds are very different.
Would really appreciate some input, as this situation is complex! More details!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (67 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
As mentioned, I am an independent mum with a higher degree in a high earning business. For five years I’ve (alone) taken care of my (demanding) job and my four children. My boyfriend is a childhood friend so I know him quite well. He dropped out of school at 17. Growing up we were different, I studied hard and he partied hard. After 17, he never took any more education, and became more of a “handyman” working around in low paid jobs. Unfortunately, he was in a motorcycle accident and became slightly disabled.
He has three children (ages 16 – 21) from an earlier marriage. They live in our hometown. My boyfriend has now come to live in the town where I live and work, and this town is approx. 4 hours by plane. He will go and see his kids every four to six weeks and stay for around 1 - 2 weeks (living in a house I have in our hometown). His ex-wife does not have a job, and lives on unemployment benefits. My boyfriend will not be able to find a job where we live because of his disability. He had a small job in our hometown that he can do the period he is back. This money goes to his kids.
He moved in with me, and he helps with chores in the house (except cleaning and laundry), cooking, shopping and sometimes driving my kids. So the other day he mentioned that I should pay him a “salary” as he his helping me out and as he had to leave his part time job, he has lost his options of earning more money. He has lived with me only a few months. I am not sure what to think or do or how much etc. so at this point I don’t know what to say. I am asking for your input to get some clarity. I should mention that I pay for everything; food, cloths, entertainment and plane tickets back to our hometown.
The questions are; should I pay him a salary? And how much (some or all of his part time job)? I am the first to acknowledge that we all have different qualities on an equal level, but sometimes I feel we are from different planets. How do you other couples get by differences in background?
Thanks in advance!