Why am I experiencing so many new sexual problems in my early 30's?
December 7, 2013 4:38 PM Subscribe
I've been dating my girlfriend for about two years and we've been living together (with her five year old son) for about four months. Over the last six months or so, I've had several new sexual problems that I've never experienced before. I ejaculate very quickly after penetration, my refractory period is so long that I'm basically "one and done," and my libido has decreased. I'm still very attracted to my girlfriend, and she can still turn me on, but I also have more days when I'd be perfectly happy to cuddle up and watch a movie instead of having sex, which is completely unlike how I felt a year or so ago.
I'm not THAT old, and all the other parts of my relationship are going extremely well. Why am I experiencing these problems, and what can I do to solve them?
posted by Chuck Barris to Human Relations (11 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
First off, I understand the importance of oral sex, fingering, etc. in terms of pleasing my girlfriend. We both enjoy all of those things, but, they're much less satisfying for us both when I HAVE to use them as substitutes for vaginal sex.
Before these last few months, I've been able to last for a good length of time and get another erection fairly quickly after an orgasm. My diet and exercise habits haven't changed over the past six months, and I'm not depressed or on any medication. Neither of us have gone through any major changes in appearance. My girlfriend and I are very happy in the other parts of our relationship, and I don't feel like either of us has any hidden emotional issues. Sexually, I stopped viewing porn and masturbating outside of sex shortly after these problems began because I thought it might help.
It also seems important to point out that these problems began before my girlfriend and her son moved in with me.
My least favorite part of all this is that my girlfriend blames herself for the issues and believes that I'm just not as attracted to her as I used to be.
Are these issues just a normal part of long-term monogamy, or a normal part of growing older and taking on the "husband and father" role in the relationship? What can I do about solving them?