Feeling impatient with my impatience.
December 7, 2013 2:13 PM Subscribe
I am impatient. Not with standing in line or waiting for my name to be called (I actually don't mind that), but with life. I cannot sustain a practice of "living in the moment". If you know how to be patient and wait through the unknown for your life to unfold, please mentor me through this! I'm desperately tired of being this way.
posted by MultiFaceted to Human Relations (12 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
I have a serious problem with thinking 3-5 steps ahead, and getting excessively anxious when I don't know what's going to happen next. This is currently playing itself out in two significant areas of my life: career and relationships.
Career: I am currently working on a PhD. In the first year of my PhD I left my career (had 8 yrs in the field) to take what I thought was a simpler, less time consuming job and live with family to save money. I'm no longer happy at that job (it's causing more stress and energy drain than I want...but my impatience may be the problem) but I have no idea where to go next. I feel trapped. I still have about 1.5 years left on my program, so while it would be great to go ahead and get a job related to my degree that I can keep after I graduate, I'm not sure exactly what that is (my location has few opportunities, and moving may cost me too much while in school). I'm looking for a better job, but the right opportunities aren't popping up and I'm not even sure what direction to take, so looking causes me stress. If I could afford to, I would quit working and simply be a student full time because that's where I really want to put my energy. Mathematically I don't think that's possible, and realizing that what I really WANT is out of reach hurts. I wish I could make it work. People ask me what I'm doing and what I want to do, and I'm scared to say "I have no clue". I desperately need a clue...I need to know this is all going to work out.
Relationships: Been divorced for several years (over it). Have had several short dating relationships this year. However, I tend to jump into the "So are we going to try a relationship? Great. Let's make plans, talk about our needs, etc". Basically, I want to know if someone wants to focus their time/attention on me. Big question marks about what someone wants, are they ready, etc. I can't handle. Right now I have friendships with two different guys who have a small potential to be a good match for me. I find myself wanting to know for sure if this is going to be friendship only or are they interested in something more. I know one guy recently divorced and is just not ready for seriousness yet. The other one...I don't know. And it's not knowing that is causing me much anxiety. I can be OK with it for a couple of days, then something happens and I get back into anxious/worry mode. I am quite aware that I must hold all of this back from this guy if I don't want to scare him away (although we've talked about my impatience before and he is very sweet and supportive in encouraging me) I can't reveal to him what a bundle of nerves I am right now. I really don't want to scare him away, and yet knowing he has an interest in me would be so soothing to me right now.
How can I find peace with not knowing how my future will unfold? How can I live and focus on the day to day/moment to moment life? I am spiritual, and I believe that right now I'm in a "testing/learning" part of my life...that I am being presented with the opportunity to really learn patience and staying in the moment. And I want to learn this lesson! I'm so tired of feeling the way I do right this minute...keyed up, emotional, scared, worried. Religious/spiritual resources welcomed if you are so inclined. MeMailed conversations about this equally welcomed (because this may be an ongoing conversation).
Please help calm me down and keep me "in the moment".
**Telling me to do yoga or meditate isn't helpful. Telling me how to turn my brain off WHILE doing yoga or meditating will be helpful.