Hello, folks. My overthinking tendencies are working overtime as I try to navigate the next few months of my life (job/apartment change, travel?) amidst the fallout of the last few months of my life (end of long term relationship). I can't tell if I'm biting off more than I can chew or if I'm just standing in my own way.
posted by fingers_of_fire to Work & Money (7 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I've been living in my current apartment in Brooklyn for SIXTEEN years. I knew that, when we broke up a few months ago, she would move out and my rent would double - thus making the apartment neither affordable nor the good deal that it has been for such a long time. (It's still under market, but the market in this neighborhood is sufficiently high that it's still too much, considering what I can find if I move to a different - less trendy - neighborhood.) Not wanting to piggy-back major life changes on top of one another, I decided to stay put for a few months, pony up the extra rent, and give myself time to adapt to my new reality. Fortunately I have a job at the moment, so it was okay-ish to absorb the financial hit. Plus - SIXTEEN years! It's longer than I've lived anywhere. I have a community here that won't travel with me.
So - this job that I have ends at the end of December - not terribly shocking, it's the nature of the business (it's a theater gig), and what's more - I have another more promising gig lined up at the end of February. It's a rare situation I find myself in - nearly unprecedented for me - where I have about 6 weeks off with the promise of good work waiting for me. This can only mean one thing - TRAVEL! I sub-let my apartment and go off in search of adventure by my newly single and financially solvent self. (I've traveled alone before and quite like it.)
So I started investigating my options, pricing tickets and such - and lo and behold, it turns out that a flight to India costs essentially the same as a flight to western Europe. Holy shit! What a perfect opportunity to go somewhere I've always wanted to go, take advantage of an extended window of time - and the fact that I don't have any debt, tuition, other mouths to feed, etc. So I book the flight.
At this point I was thinking that I'd ideally move by 2/15 in advance of the beginning of my new job - you know, be settled before it starts. But, in a worst case scenario, I'd stay even as long as 4/1, eating the extra rent, just to have the comfort of not looking for an apartment on a time limit. And since I'd be subletting in January, if I spent the money I WOULD have spent on rent (plus a little more), I'd be guaranteed an amazing adventure in India. All looks good!
So, then it gets tricky. A realtor friend of mine told me what I should have figured out anyway - that finding a place for 2/15 (or even 2/1) is tricky to do too far in advance - the ideal time to be looking is precisely when I'll be away. Then a much bigger problem presents itself - my landlord refused to let me sublet my apartment. (For me it's really important to be above the boards with him - I really don't want to pull anything like not tell him about it, or whatever. He's agreed to let me sublet a few times in the past, so it seemed like a safe assumption that this time would be cool too.)
BUT: all is not lost... the apartment needs LOTS of work, so Landlord agrees to not charge me rent while I'm gone and even stash my stuff here, while he does some of the work. I guess he figured that he couldn't rent the place anyway while the work was being done, so why not be a good guy and hook me up? The only thing is, he'll need a commitment from me as to when I move out. I was hoping for 2 things - to not pay rent while I'm away and to have a comfortable place to crash and look for an apartment when I return. It looks like I can get the former, but the latter remains unclear. (I know that this needs LOTS of clarification - my landlord can be a little tricky in the communication department.)
SO: I'm feeling a little underwater. Any ONE of these things seems like it presents a fair amount of life challenges - moving (especially after so long); changing jobs; planning a big trip (which is a GOOD problem to have - I'm not complaining!); coping with the fallout of a massive relationship. I'm trying to keep my head while navigating all of them together, and I often feel like I'm drowning. But I don't know what to do!
*the trip is totally voluntary and indulgent. I could skip it, scale it back (ie, go somewhere easier than India, for less time - it would probably require eating the ticket, but maybe that's just the right thing to do?)
*I can see the sense of prioritizing moving - it's a big deal especially in NYC, especially considering my proclivity towards option anxiety, it will be a big expense if I use a realtor OR it will take a long time if I do it myself.
*Without retreading too much relationship history, I think what I need in that department in order to recover is to re-establish my own identity HERE, in NYC, with people, activities, etc.
*INDIA! I've always wanted to go, and virtually ALL the cards are in place right now (including the financial investment I've made in the ticket.) What better time to travel than in between jobs AND apartments, with the promise of more work right around the corner?
*Perhaps it would be more settling to prioritize my housing situation, but I could also imagine that the worst thing in the world for my at times delicate emotional outlook is to be stuck in dreary NYC in January, with virtually NO work - conducive to dwelling, stewing, being stuck in the past. As opposed to INDIA! Have a life-changing experience!
So - I'm really good at over-thinking, spinning myself in to different scenarios, etc. My emotional compass is all over the place - there are times when I'm just out and out psyched out of my mind to go away, other times where it feels like I'm on a mission to prove something, and that feels like a dubious reason.
Am I biting off more than I can chew? Is moving, traveling, switching jobs all in the same roughly 6 weeks a preposterous notion? What would you do in this situation in order to more methodically deal with everything?
Thanks for listening.