Help me close the door on this infatuation..
December 4, 2013 4:15 PM Subscribe
I act like an idiot around this person. I need to stop and salvage my dignity.
posted by MeaninglessMisfortune to Human Relations (14 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I work with only 6 other people at my job. We recently hired someone new for a position that's above me. She's around my age and I find her quite attractive. Depending on the day, we interact quite sporadically. During her first week I made it a point to introduce myself and just casually get to know her. All of the other co-workers aren't the social type so I figured I'd be kind and make her feel welcome. We ended up having lunches together for a bit and got to know each other more. Somewhere along the line, my flirtation instinct kicked in and I begin to act like an idiot by making jokes, asking her about her life and making it pretty obvious. As a side note: I haven't had a relationship nor had physical intimacy in years. Almost 6 to be exact. I'm 27 and I haven't put myself out there at all recently. I have confidence and self esteem issues that I plan on figuring out. In fact, I start therapy this Friday.
Anyway, at some point I find out this new co-worker has a boyfriend. Which isn't devastating to me because I've had bad experience with dating co-workers and it never REALLY crossed my mind. In fact, I was sort of relieved I found out.
The problem is that this infatuation isn't going away. I've been incredibly lonely this past few months and I can't stop myself from thinking about her most of the time. Keep in mind, I am 100% respecting her, not monopolizing her time at work and I'm not doing anything weird or stalker-ish or anything. I don't even hint about us dating or me asking her out. It's just when I do talk to her about anything work-related - I always start acting like a desperate idiot making jokes or starting nice and short casual conversations. I think it's getting to the point where she obviously knows I'm interested and then afterwards I feel guilty and ashamed. Which ends up being pretty hurtful because I'm embarrassed about my obvious flirtation. I then spiral into a small depression about it.
I definitely know that it's just my lack of dating and non-existent love life that's making me romanticize her. I've had bad experience with online dating but I'm trying again. I just prefer meeting people face to face without having a profile for them to judge me on.
My brain sees someone that's really attractive and someone I've had fun conversation with, and I just automatically start pursuing it. It'll never happen because of the obvious circumstances but do I just avoid her altogether? I can't look for another job - I have to hold onto this one for a few months. It's a small workplace.
Can anyone relate or help me out?