Turkey Day toast
November 25, 2013 2:11 PM Subscribe
So we are hosting Thanksgiving. Neither one of us believe in God, and our families are very religious. Please help me with a toast.
My family is very catholic (and gives me heaping pikes of guilt for being an outed atheist on a regular basis, which I politely brush off). My partners family is all Christian with the exception of one Quaker. They accept him as an agnostic and do not try to pimp their religion on him as my family does with me constantly. We are hosting everyone at our city apartment (AHEM small quarters - maybe we really are crazy?!) they all come from sprawling houses with tons and tons of stuff, and place heavy value on quantity. I'm only mentioning this because we have very different mind sets and I know that some judgey comments will be made; we are minimalists and enjoy keeping things simple and small with our assets in the bank and each other as our primary focus.
I would like to give a brief toast before we start our 22-person buffet style feast. I was thinking of a very short poem or something about graciousness, and need help. I'd like it to be "light" so as not to offend anyone too badly or dampen the mood. We are in the US.
Can anyone please give me some suggestions? Thanks!
My family is very catholic (and gives me heaping pikes of guilt for being an outed atheist on a regular basis, which I politely brush off). My partners family is all Christian with the exception of one Quaker. They accept him as an agnostic and do not try to pimp their religion on him as my family does with me constantly. We are hosting everyone at our city apartment (AHEM small quarters - maybe we really are crazy?!) they all come from sprawling houses with tons and tons of stuff, and place heavy value on quantity. I'm only mentioning this because we have very different mind sets and I know that some judgey comments will be made; we are minimalists and enjoy keeping things simple and small with our assets in the bank and each other as our primary focus.
I would like to give a brief toast before we start our 22-person buffet style feast. I was thinking of a very short poem or something about graciousness, and need help. I'd like it to be "light" so as not to offend anyone too badly or dampen the mood. We are in the US.
Can anyone please give me some suggestions? Thanks!
One way to thread this needle is to be clear about what you're thankful for - a fine feast, loved ones - and just don't focus so much on who you're thanking (this God, that God, Jesus...)
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:16 PM on November 25, 2013 [16 favorites]
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:16 PM on November 25, 2013 [16 favorites]
"We love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all we love each other."
posted by 4ster at 2:19 PM on November 25, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by 4ster at 2:19 PM on November 25, 2013 [3 favorites]
Let us give thanks. Today we are thankful for -
the food we eat, the roof over our heads,
the blessings and good fortune we've had this year (naming any specifics),
the blessings and good fortune we've had in life (maybe specifically - of having these specific people in our lives),
the chance for all of us to be together today.
[silent moment, or toast]
And $partner and I are so grateful to all of you for joining us today, and we feel so fortunate to be hosting you in our home. Thank you so much for coming - now let's eat!
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:25 PM on November 25, 2013 [13 favorites]
the food we eat, the roof over our heads,
the blessings and good fortune we've had this year (naming any specifics),
the blessings and good fortune we've had in life (maybe specifically - of having these specific people in our lives),
the chance for all of us to be together today.
[silent moment, or toast]
And $partner and I are so grateful to all of you for joining us today, and we feel so fortunate to be hosting you in our home. Thank you so much for coming - now let's eat!
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:25 PM on November 25, 2013 [13 favorites]
You are brave, hang in there!! Just practice smiling and saying "it works for us".
I'd just say something sweet about how much you appreciate everyone coming, how fortunate you feel, and that your wish for the coming year for everyone is that this feeling of warmth and happiness carry forward throughout the year?
posted by mrs. taters at 2:30 PM on November 25, 2013
I'd just say something sweet about how much you appreciate everyone coming, how fortunate you feel, and that your wish for the coming year for everyone is that this feeling of warmth and happiness carry forward throughout the year?
posted by mrs. taters at 2:30 PM on November 25, 2013
My grandparents are very watered down Christians, and one set of the family are devout Catholics. My grandfather always gives a toast about how grateful he is that family came in to spend this time with each other, and we're healthy and whatnot. Then he asks the youngest if she'd like to do a blessing.
We added the blessing in right around the time that the younger kids started asking why there wasn't one. "Well they're not Catholic" "Does that mean they're not going to heaven?" "Not at the dinner table". For some people, I know it'd feel like kow-towing to a social organization they have very strong feelings about. But for us, it was a quiet negotiation that helped put aside the religion aspect for the rest of the holiday. Giving them the space to still be religious despite our personal rejection of that religion makes the difference feel a lot less antagonistic.
posted by politikitty at 2:33 PM on November 25, 2013 [4 favorites]
We added the blessing in right around the time that the younger kids started asking why there wasn't one. "Well they're not Catholic" "Does that mean they're not going to heaven?" "Not at the dinner table". For some people, I know it'd feel like kow-towing to a social organization they have very strong feelings about. But for us, it was a quiet negotiation that helped put aside the religion aspect for the rest of the holiday. Giving them the space to still be religious despite our personal rejection of that religion makes the difference feel a lot less antagonistic.
posted by politikitty at 2:33 PM on November 25, 2013 [4 favorites]
When I've done Thanksgiving toasts for heterogeneous gatherings, I usually go with "For bread in a hungry world, for friends in a lonely world, for joy in a sorrowful world, we give thanks. Help us to remember that the world is too dangerous for anything but truth, and too small for anything but love. Amen." Nice and vague about whom we are thanking or asking for help.
(You can also go with my father's, which is "Here's to us and those like us; they're damned few and they're mostly dead," but that may not strike the appropriately reverent tone.)
posted by KathrynT at 2:46 PM on November 25, 2013 [14 favorites]
(You can also go with my father's, which is "Here's to us and those like us; they're damned few and they're mostly dead," but that may not strike the appropriately reverent tone.)
posted by KathrynT at 2:46 PM on November 25, 2013 [14 favorites]
I am thankful for the simple blessings of family, a wonderful meal, and the life of abundance that partner and I share.
The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
— Wendell Berry
http://www.gratefulness.org/poetry/peace_of_wild_things.htm
posted by theora55 at 2:48 PM on November 25, 2013 [6 favorites]
The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
— Wendell Berry
http://www.gratefulness.org/poetry/peace_of_wild_things.htm
posted by theora55 at 2:48 PM on November 25, 2013 [6 favorites]
For each new morning with its light, For rest and shelter of the night, For health and food, For love and friends, For everything Thy goodness sends.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
posted by craven_morhead at 3:12 PM on November 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
posted by craven_morhead at 3:12 PM on November 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
I really like the poems above. This could be the closer:
"Today, let us count our blessings and not our calories. Happy Thankgiving to us all."
This is from Toasts and Tributes by John Bridges, which contains all sorts of ideas for social occasions.
posted by suprenant at 6:15 PM on November 25, 2013
"Today, let us count our blessings and not our calories. Happy Thankgiving to us all."
This is from Toasts and Tributes by John Bridges, which contains all sorts of ideas for social occasions.
posted by suprenant at 6:15 PM on November 25, 2013
I have no problem with Thanksgiving as long as you're giving thanks for the labor of all those people who helped put the food your the table...
posted by jim in austin at 6:55 PM on November 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by jim in austin at 6:55 PM on November 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
My family has a tradition of holding hands in a circle before the meal. One by one, each person takes a moment to share something for which they are thankful. It's a simple, authentic, collective blessing that I always find incredibly moving.
posted by WaspEnterprises at 7:13 PM on November 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by WaspEnterprises at 7:13 PM on November 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
I like LobsterMitten's toast very much - it's long enough to please those who want "thankfulness" to be emphasized, has a few specifics, and seems like it would cover very well, but ... if there is someone at the table who's just waiting to see if you're going to "leave God out" (does it sound like I've been in your shoes?) they'll jump on it and there goes the joy.
I'd say exactly what LobsterMitten said, but then I'd add, "Is there anything anyone wishes to add?" and if someone wants to thank God, he's free to do so without any tension. We actually do this anyway, just kind of leave it open for a little while so others can speak a word or two about whatever they're especially thankful for if they wish.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving - I would consider it a special day if you're all together at a meal anytime.
posted by aryma at 10:22 PM on November 25, 2013
I'd say exactly what LobsterMitten said, but then I'd add, "Is there anything anyone wishes to add?" and if someone wants to thank God, he's free to do so without any tension. We actually do this anyway, just kind of leave it open for a little while so others can speak a word or two about whatever they're especially thankful for if they wish.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving - I would consider it a special day if you're all together at a meal anytime.
posted by aryma at 10:22 PM on November 25, 2013
Good bread, good meat
Good golly, let's eat!
(never fails to crack me up that one!!)
posted by JenThePro at 7:33 AM on November 26, 2013
Good golly, let's eat!
(never fails to crack me up that one!!)
posted by JenThePro at 7:33 AM on November 26, 2013
theora55, I had the unbelievable gift of hearing Wendell Berry read that poem two days ago at the AAR/SBL conference in Baltimore. May I share another one of his (that he read later that day) that we've used at our family Thanksgiving dinner?
Whatever is foreseen in joy
Must be lived out from day to day.
Vision held open in the dark
By our ten thousand days of work.
Harvest will fill the barn; for that
The hand must ache, the face must sweat.
And yet no leaf or grain is filled
By work of ours; the field is tilled
And left to grace. That we may reap,
Great work is done while we're asleep.
When we work well, a Sabbath mood
Rests on our day, and finds it good.
posted by apartment dweller at 8:06 AM on November 26, 2013 [2 favorites]
Whatever is foreseen in joy
Must be lived out from day to day.
Vision held open in the dark
By our ten thousand days of work.
Harvest will fill the barn; for that
The hand must ache, the face must sweat.
And yet no leaf or grain is filled
By work of ours; the field is tilled
And left to grace. That we may reap,
Great work is done while we're asleep.
When we work well, a Sabbath mood
Rests on our day, and finds it good.
posted by apartment dweller at 8:06 AM on November 26, 2013 [2 favorites]
1) Quaker is a Christian denomination
2) in my family, we'd go around and each say the one thing we're most thankful for. They're not religious at all, so there was no prayer, but it was a nice thing to do. Maybe that would work for you.
posted by windykites at 12:17 PM on November 26, 2013
2) in my family, we'd go around and each say the one thing we're most thankful for. They're not religious at all, so there was no prayer, but it was a nice thing to do. Maybe that would work for you.
posted by windykites at 12:17 PM on November 26, 2013
Having grown up Catholic, I want to alert you to the possibility that any poem or toast that you offer up may not "count" as the blessing before meals in the opinion of your relatives. I think I would talk to one person from each family in advance, let them know what you are planning to say, and offer them the opportunity to give a blessing after your poem.
I think of it this way: would you rather be quiet for a moment while your relatives take care of their perceived needs, or would you rather have a big ol' fight about it and get everyone riled up for the whole afternoon?
posted by CathyG at 1:48 PM on November 26, 2013
I think of it this way: would you rather be quiet for a moment while your relatives take care of their perceived needs, or would you rather have a big ol' fight about it and get everyone riled up for the whole afternoon?
posted by CathyG at 1:48 PM on November 26, 2013
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This food comes from the Earth and the Sky,
It is the gift of the entire universe
and the fruit of much hard work;
I vow to live a life which is worthy to receive it.
— Grace of the Bodhisattva Buddhists
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:14 PM on November 25, 2013 [10 favorites]