Really want to call this guy...but not sure if for friendship or dating.
November 15, 2013 9:12 AM Subscribe
We clicked and he seems super fun and I want to hang with him again
I'm female, 25.
My boyfriend and I have amicably ended our relationship. I'm moving apartments on December 1st.
The other day I met up with the property manager of my old place to tie up some loose ends. He' s a young guy who has helped us out a lot over the year with apartment stuff, and I got him a case of beer to say thanks.. and he wrote me a reference letter so we had to meet up to exchange these things.
So we just decided to go for coffee. But we talked for a couple hours over coffee, then he drove me home and we were still talking so we decided to go for a beer. We still talked for a couple more hours after and I had SO much fun.
I want to see him again ASAP because he is sooo fun to be with. But I don't know if I want to be friends or date, because I'm just getting out of a relationship (but I'm not in the usual post-relationship slump, really, because it was a measured decision that we made together carefully... and honestly I feel good about the decision).
I just want to know what to say when I call him. I'm not ready to decide whether we're just friends or not, but we just.... connected and I feel like it would lead down that road (which I'm ok with).
I want to do something fun with him this weekend... so what do I say when I call today?
I'm female, 25.
My boyfriend and I have amicably ended our relationship. I'm moving apartments on December 1st.
The other day I met up with the property manager of my old place to tie up some loose ends. He' s a young guy who has helped us out a lot over the year with apartment stuff, and I got him a case of beer to say thanks.. and he wrote me a reference letter so we had to meet up to exchange these things.
So we just decided to go for coffee. But we talked for a couple hours over coffee, then he drove me home and we were still talking so we decided to go for a beer. We still talked for a couple more hours after and I had SO much fun.
I want to see him again ASAP because he is sooo fun to be with. But I don't know if I want to be friends or date, because I'm just getting out of a relationship (but I'm not in the usual post-relationship slump, really, because it was a measured decision that we made together carefully... and honestly I feel good about the decision).
I just want to know what to say when I call him. I'm not ready to decide whether we're just friends or not, but we just.... connected and I feel like it would lead down that road (which I'm ok with).
I want to do something fun with him this weekend... so what do I say when I call today?
"I'm in the mood to do something fun this weekend. Care to join me?"
posted by Diskeater at 9:16 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Diskeater at 9:16 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Say, "I'd like to see you this weekend. Can we make time for one another?"
posted by meadowlark lime at 9:16 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by meadowlark lime at 9:16 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
I don't know if I want to be friends or date
You don't have to decide this immediately. You can be friends and then date later if that's how things go.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 9:35 AM on November 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
You don't have to decide this immediately. You can be friends and then date later if that's how things go.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 9:35 AM on November 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
Let's get coffee, it was fun last time.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:39 AM on November 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Ironmouth at 9:39 AM on November 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
Best answer: To make it even easier on yourself (and him) already have in mind the fun thing you want to do with him, and suggest that fun thing specifically.
So, rather than "Do you want to hang out with me this weekend?" you ask "Do you want to come watch this live band I like perform at this bar on saturday night?"
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 9:59 AM on November 15, 2013 [4 favorites]
So, rather than "Do you want to hang out with me this weekend?" you ask "Do you want to come watch this live band I like perform at this bar on saturday night?"
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 9:59 AM on November 15, 2013 [4 favorites]
You don't have to know just yet. Ask him out to a particular thing and see what happens.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:48 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:48 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Since you aren't sure yet, have a plan for boundaries and what you'll do if he makes a move. If he invites you back to his place at 1 in the morning, or kisses you, or holds your hand, do you intend to reciprocate or say "hey, I'm having fun with you and I want to take things slow. I just got out of a relationship and feel cautious. I'd like to keep things friendly and see what happens."
Or ... Something else?
posted by bunderful at 11:04 AM on November 15, 2013
Or ... Something else?
posted by bunderful at 11:04 AM on November 15, 2013
I'm going to play Devil's Advocate and advise you not to call this guy. Worst case scenario is that you are on the rebound and in denial about it and chasing him. That never goes well. Also, if you give him a chance to be the pursuer, it could unfold naturally. Otherwise it's possible that you could start out as friends, develop feelings, and then be in an awkward situation. Of course, if you can be sure that you just feel sibling-like feelings for him, and never will want more, you can pursue a friendship to your heart's content--just be aware that he may develop feelings for you in that case.
posted by xenophile at 7:51 PM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by xenophile at 7:51 PM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Slowwww burn. Don't get carried away. It takes a long time to properly 'know' someone. Have fun, but don't get all wound up just yet.
In my own experiences, and from observing friends of mine, I've gathered that it never works out when the female is the one doing the initiating, especially in the very beginning. On the flip side, when the guy is the one with all the butterflies and doing the chasing, and the girl likes him but isn't at his beck and call.. that's when magic happens. Forget gender roles, it's just the nature of things. Let him contact you. If you must get in touch with him, do so casually, but don't ask to meet up, see if he does. Just getting in touch with him will send the message that you're interested enough, don't push it or act too keen.
posted by OneHermit at 4:43 AM on November 16, 2013
In my own experiences, and from observing friends of mine, I've gathered that it never works out when the female is the one doing the initiating, especially in the very beginning. On the flip side, when the guy is the one with all the butterflies and doing the chasing, and the girl likes him but isn't at his beck and call.. that's when magic happens. Forget gender roles, it's just the nature of things. Let him contact you. If you must get in touch with him, do so casually, but don't ask to meet up, see if he does. Just getting in touch with him will send the message that you're interested enough, don't push it or act too keen.
posted by OneHermit at 4:43 AM on November 16, 2013
Best answer: Please ignore people, such as the commenter above, who say that women should not be doing the initiating. "The nature of things"? Utter horsecrap. Don't do all the initiating, but one person should never be doing all of any one thing in relationships.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 6:57 AM on November 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 6:57 AM on November 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by destructive cactus at 9:16 AM on November 15, 2013 [5 favorites]