What are some cultural examples of strong, smart, flirtatious women?

November 6, 2013 8:06 PM

I get nervous about flirting and dating, and my friend suggested I 'fake it til I make it' by trying to imitate someone I wish I could be like. But I'm having trouble thinking of fictional characters/celebrity role models. What are some examples of women who are intellectual/feminist/strong but also forward and good at flirting?

I am:
Very brainy
Have a lot of nurturing/giving impulses
Uptight/reserved when it comes to romance, dating, and sex even though I like all three quite a lot

I want to be:
More sexually/romantically forward
A better flirt
Less uptight

Are there people (real or fictional) who embody both sets of traits? I wasn't able to think of any, although admittedly I don't watch a ton of t.v. The examples I came up with and discarded are Lydia Martin from Teen Wolf (too mean) and Willow Rosenberg from BtVS (not enough of the second category). Aaron Sorkin/Steven Moffat style super-sassy women do not appeal to me.

Any medium is fine, but I prefer movies to t.v. characters. If you're suggesting a t.v. character, could you try to recommend a specific episode (or even better, scene!) which really captures why you think they fit this description?

posted by anonymous to Society & Culture (35 answers total)

Milan Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. She knows what she wants, she sticks up for herself, and she handles her problems with some sex appeal.

Plus, she has a crazy infectious/sweet/frequent laugh in this movie, and in my experience, half of flirting is laughing WITH the other person more than you normally would, a little harder than you normally would.
posted by samthemander at 8:23 PM on November 6, 2013 [5 favorites]

You know how to whistle...
posted by Confess, Fletch at 8:24 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

The Big Sleep's book store scene.

'Oh, I see. You begin to interest me... vaguely.'
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 8:27 PM on November 6, 2013 [5 favorites]

I will not stop until Beyonce is everyone's role model.
posted by elizardbits at 8:28 PM on November 6, 2013 [18 favorites]

Annie Walker from Covert Affairs is funny, genuine, straightforward and a hell of a flirt.
posted by WidgetAlley at 8:33 PM on November 6, 2013

Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has some of that for me, I think.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 8:36 PM on November 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

Watch a bunch of old Katharine Hepburn movies - she does it like nobody's business. She is superlative opposite Spencer Tracy - the chemistry is mindblowing. :)
posted by deliciae at 9:09 PM on November 6, 2013 [5 favorites]

Teri Garr, back in the day
posted by KokuRyu at 9:13 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Scarlett Johanson

It sounds like you carry a lot of energy in your head. You need to shift your attention to your 2nd chakra and speak from that place. Sounds weird? It isn't. Here's a video.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:21 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Kalinda Sharma, badass in-house investigator on The Good Wife who's responsible for like 80% of the law firm's wins. She's extremely effective at flirting to get information but it's far from her only trick. And when she actually wants to hook up with someone, she's either very forward about it or the sort of strategically not-forward that lets you hold all the cards.

Sample badassery here. I wasn't able to YouTube a scene of her flirting to get information (as opposed to being mysterious and intimidating, as in that clip), but I know there's a marvelous one in the pilot.

(Fair warning: there's a really dumb plot line with her in season 4, and she's been relegated to a tertiary role thus far in season 5. But seasons 1-3 are gold.)
posted by randomname25 at 9:52 PM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm partial to the silver-screen dames as role models for this sort of thing, myself, Confess, Fletch and EXISTENZ IS PAUSED. Marlene. MARLENE. MAH-LEH-NEH.* Bette Davis. Ginger Rogers. A dame who looks like she knows a thing or two about a thing or two, and ain't afraid to put a fella in his place. Just where that place is... well, a lady don't kiss and tell.

* Marlene Dietrich. Got carried away for a minute there.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:12 PM on November 6, 2013

Heh. I was going to suggest Mila Kunis in No Strings Attached. Basically, Mila Kunis is great at this.

Other examples:

Veronica Mars - feels a bit odd because she was supposed to be a teenager, but her style was definitely more grownup, and she's sort of the classic super-smart, capable woman who knows how to turn on the charm.

Kerry Washington on Scandal. The show overall is a bit Sorkin-ish (kinda Sorkin mashed up with Grey's Anatomy), but Olivia Pope is more along the lines of what you're looking for: intelligent, driven, somewhat guarded, but very charming and flirtatious in certain situations.

Maybe Kara Thrace in Battlestar Galactica? Not really intellectual, but tough as hell, and definitely a feminist role model; and a pretty amazing flirt.
posted by lunasol at 10:43 PM on November 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

Lorelei Gilmore! Not nerdy, but smart and flirty, and a firecracker...
posted by jrobin276 at 11:05 PM on November 6, 2013

Mary-Louise Parker as the main character, Nancy Botwin, in "Weeds" really struck me as an interesting, refreshing character when I started watching that show (it got kind of ridiculous towards the end but I liked the second and third seasons for this aspect). She's very clever and charming--I remember scenes where she'd be saying something vaguely threatening to someone while smiling the sweetest smile and the disarming effect was fascinating. Certainly not the best moral/ethical standard to follow but could be good as far as what you are looking for.
posted by lovableiago at 11:25 PM on November 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

"in my experience, half of flirting is laughing WITH the other person more than you normally would, a little harder than you normally would."

Omg no wonder so many guys have thought I was flirting with them! I laugh a lot in general... and sometimes I do it even if what the person says isn't funny just to be polite.

I think almost all strong female characters today fall under the fine with flirting category. Like any of the Bond Girls... Mindy Kalig on the show The Mindy Project, etc.
posted by manderin at 11:26 PM on November 6, 2013

Most of the women on Lost Girl. Check out all of Bo and Lauren's interactions, starting from their first meeting.
posted by Nickel at 2:30 AM on November 7, 2013

I agree with manderin that a lot of shows today feature strong women with good flirtation skills. Check out Hart of Dixie, Trophy Wife, New Girl, Parks & Rec, How I Met Your Mother, or Revenge (though a lot of Revenge is fake flirting so it might trip your mean!Lydia refusal). Also, Suburgatory is on in the background as I write this and I'm realizing that Dallas is really honest in her flirtations and friendliness.

But really, I think Lost Girl is what you want. Bo, Lauren, and Kenzie are all very different but still confident and strong.
posted by Nickel at 2:39 AM on November 7, 2013

Kalinda on The Good Wife has been mentioned but I'd forward Diane Lockhart as an example of a really strong female character who isn't afraid to flirt. The fact that shes one of the older characters on the show makes it especially refreshing. (Also, she, Alicia and Kalinda give me major designer jacket and lipstick envy.)
posted by Ness at 3:10 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Oh and as for episode recommendations for Diane in The Good Wife, any episode with the Kurt McVeigh character will lay the ground for some weapons grade flirting (unintended pun given Kurt's profession).

S1 ep 15 Bang (2 March 2010)
S1 ep 18 Doubt (6 April 2010)
S1 ep 23 Running (25 May 2010)
S2 ep 15 Silver Bullet (22 February 2011)
S3 ep 18 Gloves Come Off (18 March 2012)
S4 ep 19 The Wheels of Justice (31 March 2013)

Not actually seen Season 5 yet so not sure the status of the relationship from here on but I 'd expect its still interesting to watch.
S5 ep 4 Outside the Bubble (20 October 2013)
S5 ep 6 The Next Day (3 November 2013)
posted by Ness at 3:24 AM on November 7, 2013

Samantha Jones.
posted by ahtlast93 at 5:05 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Ooooh, Drop Dead Diva is great for this. And great at having many different types of women in their character list. Being able to be smart AND sexy as a woman is the whole point of the show. (In fact, they are so woman-positive they can fail the reverse-Bechdel test -- there are men on the regular cast, but they have episodes that don't have (a) two men, (b) talking to each other, (c) about something other than a woman.)

I also second How I Met Your Mother. Ted and Barney can be profoundly anti-woman, which I am not a fan of, but if you can get past that, Lily in particular is great.
posted by pie ninja at 5:20 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Myrna Loy. Myrna Loy as Nora Charles in particular. Cynthia Heimel writes about her.

She was smart as a whip and charming. I try to emulate her.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:47 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Joan Holloway from Mad Men. The scene between Joan and Don in the bar, after she's become single again.
posted by hush at 7:08 AM on November 7, 2013 [4 favorites]

Catherine Keener!
posted by qzar at 8:21 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

Just want to add another vote for Lost Girl, as it's done exactly what you're looking for for me.

Also, Nashville. Juliet Barnes is a hell of a flirt, although she's also kind of an anti-heroine. But I've also really enjoyed how Scarlett and Reyna interact with their new or rekindled romantic interests. I think last week's episode "It Must Be You" had some great moments from all three women.
posted by natabat at 9:07 AM on November 7, 2013

Laura Roslin from Battlestar Gallactica. Smart, sexy, powerful, incredibly flirty with Adama, and would have you thrown out an airlock in a New York minute if she thought you committed treason. Plus, Mary McDonnell!
posted by Dolley at 9:22 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

Tieta do Agreste — "The novel is set in Agreste, a small coastal town in north-eastern Brazil, whose main occupations seem to be fishing (often a cover for smuggling) and goat-breeding. The central character, Tieta herself, left the town as a teenager after being banished from her parents' house for her promiscuous behaviour. After nearly thirty years she returns as a wealthy woman; the local people believe her to be the widow of a prominent businessman, but the truth is that she was the man's mistress rather than his wife and that her wealth was earned as the owner of a high-class brothel in Sao Paulo. Upon her return, Tieta becomes caught up in a campaign against the building of a titanium dioxide factory on the coast near the town."
posted by Tom-B at 10:12 AM on November 7, 2013

Detective Dani Reese, from NBC's short-lived but wonderful series Life. Should be on Netflix streaming.
posted by rtha at 3:08 PM on November 7, 2013

I'm sure some of these are more on the mark than others, but I thought of:

Juliette Binoche in Chocolat

Julia Roberts in Erin Brokovitch

Rachel Weisz in The Constant Gardener

Rachel Weisz and Isla Fischer in Definitely, Maybe

Minnie Driver in Good Will Hunting

Penelope Cruz in Volver

(Don't laugh! Ok, laugh.) Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde

Bernadette and Priya on The Big Bang Theory

Carrie on Homeland (e.g. first episode of season one)

Several female characters on Entourage (it's been awhile, but especially that one business associate/rival of Ari's... I think her name was Amanda)

I also thought of historical figures Ada Lovelace and Dorothy Parker
posted by désoeuvrée at 4:01 PM on November 7, 2013

Fauxlivia in Fringe — it's even a plot point.
posted by klangklangston at 5:24 PM on November 7, 2013

Ooo Carrie in the first season of Homeland is a great example. She's smart and driven and awkward and actively trying to flirt with the man she likes, and she lets it all shine through.
posted by samthemander at 6:59 PM on November 7, 2013

Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (yeah, I know it's old, but right on).
posted by aryma at 10:47 PM on November 7, 2013

Kate Beckett on Castle. She is a tough homicide detective in NYC but also has a relationship with Richard Castle and there is lots of banter and flirting. It's a fun show.
posted by wildflower at 11:28 PM on November 7, 2013

This probably says just as much about me as anything else, but Mary-Louise Parker as Amy Gardner on The West Wing is just... unf.

Runs a feminist advocacy group with real political power in Washington, gives it as well as she can take it, calls Josh on his BS, can be tough but vulnerable with her superiors, and ... well, can wear the hell out of a red dress.
posted by softlord at 8:08 PM on November 8, 2013

Kathleen Turner in Body Heat (1981): [To William Hurt] "You're not too smart, are you. I like that in a man."
posted by Short Attention Sp at 4:56 AM on July 12, 2014