Overwhelming need for intimacy.
November 4, 2013 4:04 PM Subscribe
I've been really lonely the past year or two, and it's been very overwhelming how much I've missed being with someone. I romanticize women I come across and it always leads to disappointment. How do I stop doing this?
posted by morning_television to human relations (18 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
I'm 27. I'm a fairly good looking guy, I exercise, I have hobbies but for the past year or two - I've been missing human contact. Thoughts of being intimate with someone fill my head almost everyday. I've started exercising a few months ago and I've been pretty proud of how long I've been going. I'm striving to become a cartoonist and I work a pretty decent day job on the side. I like doing things I enjoy by myself. But still, I feel like the need for someone distracts me. I always experience a great movie, or book or thought - and feel let down that I don't have anyone to share it with. I haven't been in a serious relationship in almost 5 years. Nor have I been physically intimate with another human being since.
I know I should appreciate being single but I really miss meeting people and sharing conversation over a cup of coffee. All of my friends are either in serious relationships or they're married so I'm the only person interested in meeting new people. I've searched for meetups around the area but I still live in NJ - there are no interesting groups to check out that meet in my area. Nobody around my age, for that matter.
I've stopped drinking and pretty much stopped going to bars. I feel like I won't meet any people I'd connect with there anyway. And I'm not one to just show up at a bar, not drink and just sit around hoping to meet someone.
One particular problem I've been having is that I romanticize every attractive woman I come across. Recently, my job hired a co-worker that I fairly interact with on a daily basis. I immediately thought she was pretty cute and we've been talking and joking around a fair amount lately. Of course, I go ahead and romanticize our interactions and I honestly convinced myself that she was flirting with me. I try to flirt back (in the most innocent way since we work together) but it doesn't go anywhere. I think she was just being a nice co-worker. I'm pretty sure she's not interested at all. I then feel embarrassed and ashamed because she knows that I'm interested in her now. I feel like if I wasn't so desperate, I wouldn't have cared to flirt.
I just want to learn how to handle these feelings. It's pretty painful sometimes. I like myself, I think I'm a pretty good guy. I want to stop acting so desperate. Will these feelings subside eventually?
I apologize if this question seems unclear..