Help me decide when to have a baby.
October 29, 2013 12:00 PM Subscribe
Should I work on getting a new, hopefully long-term job before getting pregnant, or should I stay in my not ideal but okay current job? Snowflakes inside...
posted by coupdefoudre to work & money (28 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Reasons to go: I'm underpaid for my industry/city. I don't have a lot of confidence in the long-term prospects for the company. It's very small, and we've lost several employees over the past few years, without replacing them. Morale is terrible. We no longer have an office - we are 100% remote. Working from home has been getting to me a bit. I have no retirement funds- I was supposed to be enrolled in a profit-sharing thing instead after working here for 3 years, but when I asked about it (after 4 years), I was told curtly that we have not made a profit nor contributed to the profit-sharing account since 2009. My boss (the owner) is a sexist old jerk who is hard to work with. My creativity is stifled because he won't approve any new ideas.
Reasons to stay: It's what I know. I have a ton of freedom. My boss has checked out of all day-to-day activities, and I rarely have to deal with him. I like my coworkers. Our financial situation is stable (I don't NEED to get a job where I make more money). I can do some freelancing for extra income. And the big one - If I had a baby, I wouldn't have to put him/her in daycare - I would be able to keep the baby at home with me when I returned to work.
I have been ready to look for a new job for about a year, but continually wavered, mostly because it is really hard to walk away from the type of freedom I currently have. The idea of joining the normal working world again is equal parts exciting (get to wear nice clothes! Makeup! Interact with people! Stride through city streets with a coffee in the morning like a boss!) and not (have to wake up early. Can't just up and visit my parents for a week without taking vacation time. Would have to do all my dishes, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. on my own time). About a month ago, however, I felt ready and fully committed myself to finding a new job. I've been going along happily that way until an email from a coworker who is about to return to work after her second child. I realized that she will have both children at home now, no daycare. I knew that this was the deal in our company, but I guess I just had not thought about it much. This seems crazy. Isn't that something like 60K/yr that her family is saving?
This has thrown me for a loop. My husband and I are ready for a baby. All of our goals are met; if I got pregnant tomorrow we would feel nothing but joy. Except for this job issue. Maybe it would be worth it to stay. Maybe this is the dream situation for a working mom. Even if I did decide to use daycare or a caregiver for some portion of the week, wouldn't it be easier to be at home with all this freedom?
TL;DR: We want to have a baby. Not sure if the right move is for me to get a new job now, wait a few months, then get pregnant (is this kosher?), or to just stick with the job I have now and try to get a new job once the baby exists and I'm ready to go back to work. I fear that the baby-craziness has taken over my brain and I can't think about this rationally (and my husband is in the same boat, so he's no help). What I WANT is to get pregnant NOW, damn everything else, but I am also 30 and have waited this long to make sure all my ducks are in a row, I can wait a bit longer if that would be the right decision.
Can you tell me what you think the smartest move is? Do you have experience in your life with these situations that could help sway me to one side or the other?