Were my relationship expectations unrealistic?
October 25, 2013 1:14 PM Subscribe
Having been in a nigh 4 year relationship, it's ended and I'm left wondering did I just expect too much?
posted by Junghans to human relations (29 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Hello kind folk of meta-filter.
Sat in front of my laptop on a Friday night, the sky's dark and I've just finished work.
It's been almost two months since my relationship ended. To give a brief summary. I met a girl via Chatroulette in late 2009. We dated, it began wonderfully, and continued like that for 18 months. I then developed depression stemming from my Mother's passing and after 4-5 months of arguments she cheated on me and subsequently ended things.
Instead of the usual no contact, we stayed in touch, daily in fact. She tried it with the guy she'd cheated on me with but that failed, then she had two one night stands, before meeting another guy who got her pregnant and bailed. As she underwent a termination I filled the void and stayed by her side (albeit via computer screen) and even sent flowers to her house. Our love rekindled and we gave it another go in January. We started wonderfully, but it turned out she had lied to me about what degree she had cheated.
As I tried to suppress the information, we had little tiffs, but I knew she was the girl I loved. We decided marriage was the best route for us as it made no sense to sit across an ocean any longer, especially given all we'd been through.
The first problem started in May. I went to London for a working weekend, and I told her my schedule would be intense so I could not necessarily talk as often as when I was home. She was really demanding of my time and ultimately very unsupportive during what was a huge weekend for my career. She even tried to break up with me while I was trying to make my way across the city to a train.
I visited in July, and we went on a road trip that I was not entirely behind. I'd had a long year and I just wanted us to get away somewhere near that was just us. Instead she wanted to bring her dog and it took us two solid days to get to our destination. That part of the trip was fine, and upon our return we stopped of in New York (my first time).
I'd scheduled a meeting with someone who could offer me a route to the US and yet on our way she made a big song and dance crying about her bank balance - again she was being selfish. When she had visited me in March I'd made her a small present box, I'd gone out of my way to make her feel loved, yet when I arrived it was a case of "Take these boxes to the car".
My head is a mess basically. A week after our break up she had a brand new boyfriend who she described as feeling like the one and spoke of wanting to move in with. She's since cut all contact and won't return my stuff.
Yet for some fucked up reason my head is saying "Maybe I just expected too much? Maybe I was demanding?" She did a lot of things right, just not this. As you can probably tell from the ping pong like writing style, my head is flitting between different feelings. I've been trying to date, but the girl I'm currently seeing is a potential 10 in terms of what she offers. However she's also a little heavier and I just don't feel attracted to her at all. She's suggestive and overly sexual and in many ways I wish my ex had been that way.
I just need some help really. I don't quite know how to approach things, whether my demands were too high. My family and friends keep telling me I was a good guy who stood by her through thick and thin, and that I've dodged a bullet. Yet part of me still hopes its her calling/emailing etc.