Did My Friend Steal From Me?
October 23, 2013 5:15 PM Subscribe
My friend helped herself without asking to a lot of guest soaps/shampoos etc. when she stayed at my house. Lots of soapflake I mean "snowflake" details inside.
posted by WalkerWestridge to human relations (59 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
My husband and I travel for work. Over time we have amassed a lot of little guest soaps/shampoos/lotions/conditioners etc. Since the Bliss ones come in a package that is the exact shade of blue as my guest bathroom, I took all the Bliss stuff and put it in a glass jar on the counter for guests to use if they needed. Over the course of a the last year we have had a few guests stay and they have helped themselves or not, I haven't really noticed or cared. The soaps are there for them to use if they need.
Now fast forward to a couple weeks ago. A friend I know from work asked to stay at my house for the weekend. We were both working the same gig in my town, she lives about an hour and a half away. Rather than have a three hour commute each day of the gig she wanted to stay with me. I said sure, no problem. She arrives and the first thing she says is "Oh God I forgot my wallet at home!" I said don't worry I can drive us to and from work each morning and feed her when we are at my house. If she needs to borrow money I can loan her some. She says she doesn't need money, she brought some food (this is because the last time she stayed at my house I didn't have much of anything she wanted to eat so this time she had brought her own). So the weekend goes along and I drive to work and pay for parking each day and she gets one of the managers to buy her lunch every day. Not loan her the money mind you, straight out buy her lunch. Our work days are long and the second day we break for dinner and she is fussing cause she doesn't want to eat the food she brought and the manager who was buying her lunch is gone. I offer to LOAN her money for dinner and she refuses my offer and pouts until someone else straight out buys her dinner. I got a weird vibe about that. I'd been feeding her at my house but I didn't think I should have to buy her meals at work and it seemed like she was mad that I didn't.
After the gig was done and she left for home, I was cleaning things up and saw the jar of guest soap. I'd been seeing it for a year so it was immediately apparent that over a third of the jar was missing. There were no wrappers in the trash or the shower, nothing. Just a third of the jar gone. I had told her when she arrived and after she said she'd left her wallet, that if she had forgotten any shampoo or anything she should feel free to use the stuff in the jar. I offered it to her, but I never thought she would take so much and not even use any of it at my house.
In the past, I have offered and she has accepted, clothes, money, place to stay, rides, food, etc. I have also helped her find work connections and given her references. I know she doesn't make a lot of money and if I can help out a friend I am happy to do so. I feel pretty confident that I can draw boundaries if need be. The soaps are such a small thing but it feels different. For some reason I feel like she stole from me and now I'm seeing all the rest of the visits and the times she has accepted things from me in a totally different light.
I feel used.
She just texted and asked to stay here a couple days next month. I told her it wasn't possible. I'm hurt and angry and frankly, now I don't trust her.
Am I over reacting do you think?