October 22, 2013 4:18 AM Subscribe
I have been dating a guy for a couple of months. He told me recently that he's got a genetic mutation that makes it much more likely that he'll get cancer, and that is making me really sad.
posted by swamp rocket to human relations (22 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
He's the most amazing guy. I am usually an intensely private, prickly person, and he makes me feel so safe that I have felt comfortable being open and vulnerable with him from the very beginning. He told me last week that he has a genetic mutation, and that both his mom and his grandfather had it and they both died of cancer. I think his grandpa died pretty young, but his mom made it to her early 60s. This also means that there's a big chance (like 50%?) that he'll pass that genetic mutation on to any kids he has.
We've talked about it a little, and I thought I was sort of okay with it. But I woke up this morning feeling really sad. We haven't even made it past the 6 month mark yet, so I know it's silly to already be thinking about a long-term future with him. But it also feels so good and so easy being with him that I can't help thinking that I want to spend as much time with him as possible for as long as possible. And while I know that accidents and illness can happen to anyone at any time, so there are never any guarantees about how long anyone will live, the idea that he has a higher chance of dying young just makes me sad. And I know it is getting way into cart-before-the-horse territory, but if things really do go well with him, how do you approach having kids when there's such a high probability of passing down such a dangerous gene?
Anyway, I am feeling sad and muddled about the whole thing. Do you have any advice about how to not borrow worry way in advance, so that I can just enjoy my time with him and see where this relationship goes? And if you do have any experience with something like this, do you have any words of advice, or resources I should look into? Thanks for your help.