Cheating and Freak Dancing
October 19, 2013 8:06 AM Subscribe
Is it considered cheating if you “freak dance” or “Bump and Grind” at the club with someone who is not your significant other? (long but necessary story inside, possibly nsfw))
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (79 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
So my wife went out to a bachelorette party to a couple of weekends ago, and I found out that she did a lot of “freak dancing” with other guys at the club. The club was several hours away in a large party city so she had a large degree of anonymity. She was with several of her girlfriends all who live in other cities who met at this particular city for this occasion.
First, you should know that I have always thought our marriage to be strong. We are big fans of each other and have a pretty happy 10 year marriage. Maybe one downside to this, we have become domestic types, raising our two little munchkins, maintaining lawn, both trying our best at careers that we generally like, etc….
My wife called me the morning after the party from her hotel and told me she was tired and was glad to be coming home. She told me that she was out with the girls until 5 a.m. and that she had a good time. I asked if she had fun dancing and she said that some of the guys were gross, grabbing girls in the club and hitting on them. And even though guys paid attention to her looks (oh yeah, she’s really hot) she told me that she killed the mood by telling them that she was a married mother who was in her mid 30s. We kind of laughed it off, but I must admit that my something felt odd about her description.
The next day I asked her about it again in a nonchalant manner but was more specific with my questions. “Did you dance with any guys?” – Sure “So were they grabby with you while you were dancing.” –well I will admit there was some grabbing. “Did they grab your butt or just random dancing stuff“ –Oh it was not a big deal. “Are you kidding. A guy who is grabby is going to try to grab your butt too, so of course he tried to grab your butt.” –O.k. there was lots of butt grabbing.
The conversation continued like this where I had to ask specific questions or I would get nondescript answers. I found out that she danced with a lot of guys, but one guy for a long time hour-ish? She said 30 minutes to an hour. During this time, she grinded her rear on his junk for awhile. They also faced each other, and rubbed each other body to body and then began rubbing genitals together until she felt turned on in sexual way. She admitted she felt his "member" rubbing her crotch to crotch while he grabbed and felt her butt (all on top of clothes). She was clear that there was no kissing. Her friend pulled her away from the guy (she's hazy about how long, but didn't disagree when I threw out 30-45 minutes)because they were going to another part of the club.
After our talk, she casually asked if I thought it was a big deal, because to her it was not. She couldn’t even remember the guy’s face. She also stated that she did not really feel any guilt the next day for her actions.
I guess I kind of felt cheated on. I felt like I didn’t want some other guy rubbing his junk against my wife’s junk because it made them feel horny for each other, and only left because someone pulled them apart. And even though they were drinking and the music was pumping I think she crossed a line.
So I guess I have a few questions: (even answering one of these questions will help me. I’m kind of trapped in the land of crappy emotions right now and I need honesty now more than ever, even if it hurts. Thanks, MeFites)
1. How do I get rid of this newfound jealousy? I am thinking about this a lot and it kind of hurts. My wife and I have since talked about this and she apologized that this hurt me. She told me it would never happen again.
2. Was this cheating? I know I am asking for your opinions, but it is cheating if you are rubbing crotches together for a long time because it felt good in a sexual way. She did not think it was cheating, but she respects that I consider it a cheating line.
3. And out of curiosity, is this normal behavior at a wild, techno packed to the gills club? Do many people do this or is my wife one of the few? (not saying it is bad if you are single, btw)