Would this Halloween costume be offensive to trans* people or allies?
October 18, 2013 9:13 AM   Subscribe

I have an idea for a costume for our Halloween party that involves my not only dressing in drag but also explicitly calling out the fact that a guy dressing in drag shouldn't be as big a deal as it often is. Seems like a good idea to me - but as a white, cis, straight male I want to be sure I'm aware of any offense I might give to less privileged groups before making a final decision on whether to go through with the costume.

My girlfriend and I are throwing a Halloween party, for which the theme is other holidays. I had the idea of going as March 8th, International Women's Day, by wearing a dress and adding an "I Need Feminism because this costume shouldn't be transgressive" poster (à la Who Needs Feminism" project). In part I like the poster part of the costume because I think that project is very cool, but the main reason I wanted to add that is because I didn't want people to think I was just wearing a dress to get a laugh, because that would DEFINITELY be humor at the expense of trans* people. That's not what I'm going for at all - I just have fond memories of celebrating International Women's Day when I was in the Peace Corps.

I have little experience with trans* issues. I know there have been some problematic interactions with some radfems, though. So here is my question for MeFi: is it likely that a trans* person or an ally for trans* rights would find this costume offensive? If it is likely, is there a way to fix that? Or would it be best to just scratch the costume idea, and find some other way to recognize International Women's Day that does not involve cross dressing?

(To be clear, I am not myself a cross-dresser, so this is not a case of me advocating for myself - if it were, I wouldn't give a damn what other people thought about it. Or not as much of one, anyway.)
posted by solotoro to Human Relations (33 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
(cisgendered queer female) I wouldn't find it offensive, but I'm not sure I get it. Are you saying that cisgendered men wearing a dress shouldn't be transgressive (I agree) or that cisgendered men wearing dresses are costumes (which, um, no)?
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:16 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


How about '...because this outfit shouldn't be seen as transgressive'?
posted by Salamander at 9:21 AM on October 18, 2013


I tend to think that any time you have to explain your joke/costume/song/etc. you probably would do better with something else, particularly when you're worried about offending people. At best, your high concept is just too oblique; at worst, you're offending someone.

The path of least resistance is usually the best, in my experience.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 9:25 AM on October 18, 2013 [41 favorites]


I'm with Admiral Haddock. It's Halloween. People just want to have fun. No one wants to have to do high analytical thinking at a party.
posted by nubianinthedesert at 9:28 AM on October 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


I'd be worried I'd end up offending some one else who decided to cross dress at the party. Do you really want to be calling them out?

I'd pass on this idea.
posted by bottlebrushtree at 9:30 AM on October 18, 2013


The only thing I can think of, as an ally who has worked with this population in a social services setting, is that it is inherently offensive to use a costume that turns someone's life into a punchline, no matter the intent. To wit, you are trying to dress up as a woman and draw attention to the importance of women's causes, that's cool, but the reality is that you are still a man dressing up as a "generic" woman, and the experiences of women and of trans* people do not adhere to your depiction in a way that helps your cause or your costume. Do you see what I'm saying?

I think if you're looking to do something explicitly feminist, you might consider dressing up as a particular/specific historic woman who is recognizable or easily explained, like Clara Barton or Betsy Ross, or even a "generic" suffragist, if you want to wear a sign.

Otherwise, the above advice is wise. Your workplace may be an exception, but generally, no one wants to spend too much time deconstructing the social implications of costuming at their Halloween party.
posted by juniperesque at 9:37 AM on October 18, 2013 [15 favorites]


I'm a trans woman and I think this costume is a fine idea. I don't speak for all of us, but me personally, I would take it as a show of support, not as something offensive or appropriative.

In general, I like it when straight cis people do drag (so long as they do it in ways that are basically respectful and don't perpetuate nasty "drag queen" stereotypes) because it shifts the sartorial Overton window in a way that makes things safer for queer and trans people. I'm very happy that I grew up in a liberal town where there were buckets of straight kids showing up in dresses for Rocky Horror, because it meant I could do the same — as a safe way of exploring my own gender — without immediately outing myself as trans or queer or really as Other in any way. Anything you want to do to contribute to that sort of environment is A-OK with me.

But again, I don't speak for everyone. I'll be curious to hear what other people have to say.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 9:37 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


"...because this shouldn't be a costume" would be much more accurate... which might lead to people asking why you are wearing it then.

which leads to needing to explain the joke, which should be a pink flag right there.

As a person who's spent some of my life passing as another gender I wouldn't be "offended" but I would feel like you were trying way too hard.
posted by French Fry at 9:38 AM on October 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


I think using the term "cross-dresser" is more offensive than wearing women's clothing, but I'm just an ally like you. Got any alternative costume ideas?
posted by oceanjesse at 9:39 AM on October 18, 2013


I think it would work if you focus more on what it is about International Women’s day you want to celebrate rather than mixing messages with the transgender rights. Do you want to be a woman in a graduation gown celebrating education access? Or someone with “I voted” stickers or ink on their fingers? Is there a particular woman who is an important role model that you could dress as? If you could represent that and look good, without being a Monty Pythonesque drag look, I don’t think anyone would laugh or question your intentions.
posted by saffry at 9:41 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


I would say that if you feel like you want to dress up in women's clothes, then go for it. There is really no need to create a defensible rationale to do so.

On the other hand, you probably want to take care how you behave when dressed in women's clothes, because that will show how you really feel about women.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:43 AM on October 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


I tend to think that any time you have to explain your joke/costume/song/etc. you probably would do better with something else, particularly when you're worried about offending people. At best, your high concept is just too oblique; at worst, you're offending someone. ---This is also my opinion. You also come off as looking a little humorless with a costume-that-lectures at a friendly party.

But I think you could still do a cool International Woman's Day Costume. Maybe wear one of Tatyana Fazlalizadeh's t-shirts. Or a sandwich board with the date on the front and a list of accomplished women on the back. Or dress yourself up like the woman symbol with the fist in the middle--which is what I associate with International Woman's Day, other than specific images of women, which puts you back in the "man in drag" costume. Frankly, I think anything which puts you back in the "man in drag" costume defeats your purpose because you're costuming yourself as a woman to say "men in dresses shouldn't be costumes".

But you could dress yourself as a woman without offending people, sure. Maybe do one of the iconic "strong" women posters (Rosie the Riveter or one of the Soviet women workers that the day originated with). The thing is, you'd need to be careful not to bring any sense of mocking to it, like Now There are Two... says. And you want to avoid having to explain how your costume isn't mocking because once you have to explain that it's respectful, it kinda isn't.
posted by crush-onastick at 9:44 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Why not dress up as a specific woman who you admire or think is a fun costume, instead of doing the generic female? Then you can ignore the fact that it's cross-gender if that's the political angle you embrace without it being the whole point of the costume.

"...because this shouldn't be a costume" would be much more accurate...

Even plenty of trans. or queer people will disagree with this. A lot of people like drag for its own sake. You could argue that women who "dress up" in traditional feminine dress are also playing a role, rather than that no one is, just as easily...
posted by mdn at 10:11 AM on October 18, 2013


is it likely that a trans* person or an ally for trans* rights would find this costume offensive?

It is more or less impossible to do something that won't offend someone, somewhere. If you don't know everyone who's going to be at the party, there's no way of knowing if it won't ruffle someone's feathers.

If it is likely, is there a way to fix that?

In your situation, I would dress as a stewardess (or air hostess, or whatever your preferred nomenclature), and forego the sign. This way, your costume is not that you're dressed as a generic woman, but as a specific play on the term International Women's Day (you are dressed as an international woman). You may have to shave your legs. So it goes.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:34 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


As a cis woman, while I think your idea is a good one overall, it is perhaps a bit too thinky/discussiony for a Halloween party.

I'll second a few comments here and suggest that you still go as IWD, but choose a specific woman to portray. Me, I'm fond of iconic Inez Milholland, but I'm not sure that's a widely recognizable one -- though it should be!

On comment-load, I really love FAMOUS MONSTER's suggestion of a literal international woman. Do that. That would be awesome.
posted by cmyk at 10:35 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Genderqueer person here ... it sounds like your intentions are in the right place, but unfortunately it's not your intentions that are the most important piece of this puzzle. The fact is, you are making "woman" into a costume, and that's wrong. I wouldn't be offended by your costume, but I would be contemptuous of it.

There are thousands of ways that you can show your support for International Women's Day. Trying to be clever by reducing the plight of women to ornamentation for a costume party really isn't one of them.
posted by zebra at 10:39 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Aww, you sound like me, in that you have a great love for clever Halloween costumes that really don't make sense. You are going to spend all night explaining that costume and still nobody is going to get it (because most of them will probably be drunk at that point). I say skip it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:52 AM on October 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


You could go as a pink ghost and perhaps accomplish a similarly-toned conversation with no chance of offense.

"You're a ghost! Why are you pink?"
"Because women and trans issues are too invisible!"
posted by whimsicalnymph at 10:58 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, as a queerish cis female I probably wouldn't spend that much time thinking about your costume one way or another, but if I did then I probably would be a little depressed that even a modern feminist dude saw "being in a dress" as handy shorthand for "generic woman." Some of us won't even wear a dress at our wedding, you know? Again, at a party I'd probably not be inclined to dwell on your costume long enough to arrive at this idea, but if I did it would kind of bum me out.

I like the idea to show up as a woman you admire, perhaps someone directly associated with International Women's Day.
posted by DingoMutt at 11:08 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hoo boy, what a rockin' Halloween party this is going to be. Don't do your idea of dressing up as International Women's Day; not because you'll be wearing a dress, but because the whole idea sounds like applying a wet blanket to any spark of fun that might erupt during a party.

Why not dress as Eugene V. Debs, or Emma Goldman? Carry a megaphone and have some fun with it. I'm as left as they get, but I don't thirst to learn things at a costume shindig.
posted by BostonTerrier at 11:10 AM on October 18, 2013 [14 favorites]


Oh, and nota bene if you go the stewardess route, which I include because you say you haven't done much of this before:

There are a lot of different kinds of drag that men do where parties are concerned. We shall concern ourselves with two: One in which you half-ass it, and stuff some socks into a bra and wear an ill-fitting wig, sort of thing; and the other, in which you make an effort to look good and the overall effect is one in which you are looking put-together, and even find heels in your size, etc.

We will not concern ourselves with the former, but if you do the latter, you will almost certainly find that, as the evening and drinking go on, people - men and women alike, but probably more women than you'd anticipate - will start being handsy with you in a way you're probably not expecting. What you do about it is up to you. Just letting you know in advance.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 11:45 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


FAMOUS MONSTER speaks the truth. When you step outside of gender categories, you also step outside of a lot of the rules that govern sexual behavior. People who aren't utterly despicable (hopefully this includes all your friends) will still take no for an answer, but a lot more people than you're used to will need to be explicitly told no, because they won't assume that the usual (gendered) norms about touching and flirting are in place.

Also, reading other answers here, I'd like to amend mine. I'm totally in favor of drag costumes. But I do see how the politicized sign might be a little weird, and I like the idea of going as your favorite organizer or activist a lot better. If you're taking votes, I vote for Emma Goldman or Mary Harris Jones.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 11:56 AM on October 18, 2013


I'm trans and this costume wouldn't offend me at all, but I can't speak for other trans folks at all. The thing about drag is, there is always the possibility that somebody somewhere will be egregiously offended, no matter what you do or what your intentions are. Gender is a freakin' minefield. So, generally I dress how I want to dress, never intending to offend anybody, and if they get offended that's their problem. Maybe it sounds callous, but I don't know how else to live.

I think your costume sounds... complicated. As other people have observed, you'd probably spend all night explaining it to people, and even then some of them still won't get it. If you want to make a pro-woman statement, I'd say just dress up like some woman you admire and when people ask who you are say, "I'm (name here)... She's my hero!" That's nice and simple, and if anybody gives you crap for it, to heck with 'em.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:24 PM on October 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


I would be offended that I showed up to a fun costume party dressed as Christmas or July 4th or whatever and then realizing that this is not a party at all but a gathering of people looking down their noses at me for not "getting" their costumes. Also, call me cynical but whenever a guy goes out of his way to demonstrate how much of a feminist he is I just assume he's trying to get into women's pants...and I'm usually right.
posted by Valkyrie21 at 1:36 PM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Anything that isn't something you would wear under normal circumstances is a costume. A policeman's uniform would be a costume for me. If you're actually a policeman though? Nope.

Also, many many crossdressers and drag queens do not consider themselves trans- in any way, and it would be pretty cool of you not to assume that they do. Carry on.
posted by Poppa Bear at 1:49 PM on October 18, 2013


I didn't want people to think I was just wearing a dress to get a laugh, because that would DEFINITELY be humor at the expense of trans* people


Well, before you even get into any transgender issues, the usual guy dressing in poorly done drag for Halloween is pretty far into the idea of making what other people are into costumes. Costuming oneself as a native american or black person is seen as beyond tasteless, and generally seen to be as humor at the expense of the group they are costuming themselves as. (If they aren't a part of that group and making fun of the idea of stereotyped costumes of it that is -- it's just very difficult to pull that off if you aren't a member of that group)

Take a hard look at why you are concerned this would be seen as humor at the expense of trans* people but not at the expense of women generally (whether trans or cis). Men wearing a generic "woman" costume is pretty common, but women wearing generic "man" costumes are rare -- and just wearing pants and a tie with short hair wouldn't even come off as a costume for a man or a woman, but somehow a dress worn by a man is seen that way.

OTOH, I find it fun when people I know well get into their full drag getup for costumed events -- but I know it's not a costume for them to be "dressed up" that way, rather that they are taking advantage of the event to feel that they can dress in drag more publicly than usual -- and sometimes they've had to summon up a lot of bravery to do it.

There are very, very obvious differences between someone who tosses on a wig and a dress for Halloween, someone who has a lot of practice and experience crossdressing, and someone who is transgendered and chooses to live as a woman full or part time or as off the gender binary. Transgendered people aren't dressing in drag (usually). Merely wearing a dress hardly puts you in the "in drag" category.

"I Need Feminism because this costume shouldn't be transgressive"

But it's not transgressive for a man to wear a dress on Halloween -- this is pretty damn acceptable in the US. If you are trying to argue that it shouldn't be seen as something that could be a Halloween costume, it's kind of strange that you are trying to say it IS your costume. If it wasn't transgressive at all, in general, on other days, for a man to wear a dress, that would mean you didn't bother to dress up for Halloween. Maybe you normally wear dresses, and aren't dressing up, but in that case adding a sign doesn't make it a costume.

"I Need Feminism because this costume shouldn't be transgressive"

Just change "costume" to "dress" on your sign and you will have a lovely outfit to wear come March 8th, I think that would be a wonderful occasion to wear this.

A costume as a particular individual would work much better. You could dress as a historic activist, and give out pamphlets about who you are while speaking in character as handing out pamphlets about women's rights (or whatever phrase was used by the person in their time). You could add a bit about International Women's Day as well.
posted by yohko at 1:56 PM on October 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


If you are concerned about offending trans persons specifically you might ask any friends of yours coming who you happen to be aware are transgendered what they think of your costume idea. A friend of mine had related that while they weren't offended by a certain costume concept they encountered they were happy to know about it in advance, and it seemed like they might have been offended initially if they had been unsure what the costume was.
posted by yohko at 2:00 PM on October 18, 2013


I dunno dude, I think the point is kinda laboured. It seems like you are trying to diassociate the roleplaying, costumed, performative elements of the outfit - but actually you are wearing it as a costume, performance, roleplay. Dressing up like that on not-Halloween would make way for sense for the point you are trying to make. In a weird way, I actually feel like going full-drag fabulous would be more supportive because it's more celebratory, etc.

I'm not big into comparisons like this generally, but I'm sure you can see how weird it would read if you weren't black, but went "generic" black for Halloween because "Black issues don't get enough attention". It would be the wrong place for it, and the wrong way of making the point. I kinda feel similarly about this.
posted by smoke at 2:37 PM on October 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm a transwoman, and I'm not offended. But if you want an excuse to wear a dress for halloween there are probably better ones.
posted by egypturnash at 5:10 PM on October 18, 2013


As a cis woman who grew up reading "Stories for Free Children" in the back of Ms. magazine (literally; my mom subscribed from issue 2-on), I think that if you want to challenge gender-normativity lines, you'd do better by choosing something from Take Back Halloween and rocking it.
posted by Lexica at 8:56 PM on October 18, 2013


I'm a trans woman, and I wouldn't be offended, but I'd be uncomfortable with it, unless I knew you and your intentions. Similar situations always make me aware of how easily cis people can play in waters that I know to be very dangerous.
posted by jiawen at 12:35 AM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: Just wanted to pop in to thank everyone for the feedback. My girlfriend and I both really love FAMOUS MONSTER's suggestion to be clever with the "international woman" part, and it turns out she has a pencil skirt and blouse that together with a name badge and kerchief will make an entirely convincing female flight attendant's outfit, especially once I get little bags of peanuts and mini-liquor bottles to hand out. But I'm still checking out some of the other ideas, too, and the general messages that I should choose an outfit/costume that is a) more fun and less political, and b) less generic to avoid any implication that women are a monolithic group, have been received.
posted by solotoro at 7:12 AM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


I would not be offended, exactly, but irked if someone dressed up in the traditional clothes of my religious background for Halloween for any reason, honestly--so I would imagine a transvestite would feel similarly uncomfortable.

It's fine to dress up like a public figure because they're public figures--they put themselves out there. But don't dress up like a generic member of a group just living their life the best way they know how. Dress up like RuPaul, not a generic cross-dresser. Does that make sense?
posted by elizeh at 8:20 AM on October 20, 2013


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