Anniversary party/the abuser run in edition
October 17, 2013 12:18 AM Subscribe
Forty years ago, my parents founded a literary society together. (They subsequently divorced). The organization is having its fortieth anniversary party. Both my parents will be there and they are generally very happy/excited to see old friends, read old poems, and remember friends who have passed away. I am going to support them.
Here's my problem: my mother dated and lived with one of the other members for years. And one day he went psycho, broke her ribs and put her in the hospital. She called me bleeding and crying from the hospital. It wasn't safe for her to go back home obviously, so she had to go into a domestic violence shelter before staying with a friend and then getting her own apartment. This was 15 years ago and she hasn't seen or talked to him since. She didn't press charges to my knowledge.
posted by bananafish to human relations (25 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Which brings us to this weekend where psychotic asshole will be at the party. The easiest thing would be if he just avoided us. But growing up, he was sort of a stepfather type to me and my brother(he taught me how to ride a bike and played scrabble with my brother), so I could see him possibly wanting to mend fences or say hello. So ideas on how best to handle this without a scene.
My goal here is not have my mother upset, not to cause a scene or ruin the party, but to make it super clear that he shouldn't talk to us. I don't know of any way to contact him before the party. Any ideas on how to handle this? Btw I was going to ask this anonymously but realized I didn't have anything to be ashamed about.