No really, I don't want to do that... ever...
October 16, 2013 6:10 AM Subscribe
I am a 31 year old woman and newly married. I have a kick ass husband who also came with a kick ass stepson that I love to death and with whom I have a great relationship. I have no desire to have a bio-kid, especially now that I have a step son. I have had many comments from people about how I am going to change my mind about not wanting more kids, a lot of “Uh huh…” comments with ‘knowing’ smug smiles, sort of like when a 6 year old boy says that he will never ever kiss a girl, eww that is gross. Are they likely right, or are they being assholes? How do I deal with this?
posted by PuppetMcSockerson to human relations (65 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I have a lot of medical, logistical, and personal reasons for not wanting to have a bio-kid (a LOT), and my husband and I are in agreement that the one we have (his son, my step son) is all we want. I have a great relationship with my step son, I love him to bits and don't think getting pregnant and having a baby of my own would add anything to my life that he doesn't already give me. I actually think getting pregnant and having a baby would actually detract a lot from my life. And historically, I have never wanted to have a baby. Pregnancy has always been a pretty horrible thing from my view.
Having a step son has been a wonderful gift and I guess part of me was hoping that having him, having my stepson in my life, getting to help raise him, etc. would have shut the "you need to have kids" arguments from others (my family/parents in particular). I was wrong.
How do I stop the "Oh, you'll change your mind..." comments and get people to understand that no seriously, my step son is my SON and he is my kid, regardless of whether or not I gave birth to him, I love him as my own, he fulfills all my maternal instincts and child-raising needs, and that we are very very sure we don't want any more? Just ignoring it doesn't work very well since my parents (my father in particular) has a long history of not believing me (for lack of a better word) when I make major decisions in my life that aren't exactly what he would have chosen. I am a very guilt-conscienced person in general, so between the societal pressures and comments and parental disappointment, I have a lot of guilt. I really just want a way to make the questions/comments STOP, or failing that, a way to stop feeling guilty for a choice that I know is right for me and my family.