My son's biological father has friended me on Facebook. What next?
October 14, 2013 7:05 AM Subscribe
My 8 year old son has never met his biological father and would like to do so. I don't want his heart to break if his bio-father doesn't want contact. I'm only assuming that he doesn't want contact because apart from the befriending we haven't actually said anything to each other via voice or email for about 6 years or so. What is the best way to approach this?
posted by anonymous to human relations (23 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My now 8 year old youngest son has never met his biological father who has also never met him because conception occured right before he moved to England and we'd pretty much hit the end of our short but enjoyable fling.
My son is becoming more and more interested in his bio-father (his Dad is my oldest son's father, who I was rebounding from when I had the lovely and most welcomed at the time fling which eventually resulted in my son, and who promised and has kept his word about accepting my second son as his own with no deception involved; he knows he's not the biological father) and I've told him all the true, age-appropriate things: that his bio-father was a lovely, happy man who I enjoyed my time with but who moved to England before he even knew I was pregnant.
I wasn't able to get in contact with him during my pregnancy and the first 18 months or so of my son's life (I was going through a particularly difficult time, emotion-wise, so I didn't make much of an effort) but I did eventually make contact with him via email letting him know that he had a son but pretty much absolving him of any financial liability.
His immediate reaction was shock, which was not unexpected. I sent a few photos and one or two emails but contact pretty quickly petered out.
So now, six years later, he accepted my Facebook friend request on Friday night and I've stalked his account (he doesn't post much) and looked at the two photos of himself that he's posted (I'd pretty much forgotten what he looked like) and the resemblance between himself and his son is pretty striking. My son has never seen a photo of him. I'm presuming that he remembers me and has also looked at my profile and seen photos of my son but that's not necessarily so, I know.
I'm unsure as to what to do next. Tell my son that I've contacted his bio-dad? Tell bio-dad that his son would like to be in contact? What to say? I'm not looking for anything more than the best thing for my son who does want to know more but I don't want to put him in the position of feeling rejected if for whatever reason bio-dad doesn't react positively.
Your thoughts on how to approach this would be appreciated (kind ones please).