Help me help my son get into college
October 13, 2013 7:37 PM Subscribe
My son is currently applying to a service academy for college. This is all he has ever wanted since he was a small child. He has worked his tail off so far and is now frozen on the essays. I have no idea how to help him.
He is the last of four kids and since I worked a great deal of their growing up, my children have had no choice but to be independent. I am not a hovering mom that micromanages my kids. This son is my most driven child and has had the goal of getting into a service academy as long as he can remember. He has sent the 17 reference requests, filled out all the forms, gotten the physicals, pushed himself physically by playing two sports and pushed himself mentally by taking every AP class he qualifies for. He has been class president every year and is an Eagle Scout. So when I say he is driven, I am not exaggerating. He has done all this with the goal of getting into a specific service academy. All he has left is to write three essays and he is just frozen. My husband and I have waffled from leaving him alone to making him stay home for the weekend to work. He has locked himself in his room for long stretches in order to write and has come up with nothing. He has nothing. I have a degree in English and have taught so I have tried to help him with outlines, ideas, etc but he continually, week after week, stares at the blank screen. The only thing that gets him upset is when I suggest that maybe he doesn't really want to attend this school anymore and this is his way of avoiding it. He swears he still wants it. It has developed into a case of extreme anxiety that I have never seen in this child. I have no idea what to do to help him. When I try to help, it just stresses him out more so I back off. I hate to do nothing because time is of the essence and he has worked so hard up to this point. Any suggestions out there?
He is the last of four kids and since I worked a great deal of their growing up, my children have had no choice but to be independent. I am not a hovering mom that micromanages my kids. This son is my most driven child and has had the goal of getting into a service academy as long as he can remember. He has sent the 17 reference requests, filled out all the forms, gotten the physicals, pushed himself physically by playing two sports and pushed himself mentally by taking every AP class he qualifies for. He has been class president every year and is an Eagle Scout. So when I say he is driven, I am not exaggerating. He has done all this with the goal of getting into a specific service academy. All he has left is to write three essays and he is just frozen. My husband and I have waffled from leaving him alone to making him stay home for the weekend to work. He has locked himself in his room for long stretches in order to write and has come up with nothing. He has nothing. I have a degree in English and have taught so I have tried to help him with outlines, ideas, etc but he continually, week after week, stares at the blank screen. The only thing that gets him upset is when I suggest that maybe he doesn't really want to attend this school anymore and this is his way of avoiding it. He swears he still wants it. It has developed into a case of extreme anxiety that I have never seen in this child. I have no idea what to do to help him. When I try to help, it just stresses him out more so I back off. I hate to do nothing because time is of the essence and he has worked so hard up to this point. Any suggestions out there?
This kind of block sounds like it's fear-based. I would suggest that he write about why he doesn't want to write - or talk to someone about it. This is the moment he feels he's been building up to, and now this is his biggest opportunity to be rejected by destiny. He is afraid he doesn't deserve it or that he's not good enough or doesn't have what it takes...or that he will blow it out of dumb luck.
From my own experience, he will find his flow once he starts talking through his block and voicing the ideas that rush in to stop him from writing.
Remember, everything else is somewhat objective: his grades, his badges, his positions on teams...the essays are HIM. The most personal piece of the application. To want it so much, that has to be SO scary. What can he say? Where can he start? How can he convince these people that he simply MUST go to their school? It's a lot, and fear of failing at a deeply loved dream can be paralyzing.
posted by SarahBellum at 7:43 PM on October 13, 2013 [3 favorites]
From my own experience, he will find his flow once he starts talking through his block and voicing the ideas that rush in to stop him from writing.
Remember, everything else is somewhat objective: his grades, his badges, his positions on teams...the essays are HIM. The most personal piece of the application. To want it so much, that has to be SO scary. What can he say? Where can he start? How can he convince these people that he simply MUST go to their school? It's a lot, and fear of failing at a deeply loved dream can be paralyzing.
posted by SarahBellum at 7:43 PM on October 13, 2013 [3 favorites]
Also, when are essays due? It could be very helpful to take a break and forbid him from writing.
posted by c'mon sea legs at 7:43 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by c'mon sea legs at 7:43 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
Are you able to hire someone -- i.e. a college admission tutor, "coach" or guide -- to help him through this last hurdle? If possible, perhaps you might consider it at this point, because he's probably gotten into such a state of anxiety that even thinking about freezing is making him freeze more. It could possibly help to have an outside person help him see the essay in a more strategic way. Although some admissions coaches/tutors guide students through the entire process of college application, you might be able to find someone good who would help only with the essay. The high school should know of someone. A lot of kids get professional outside help these days, so it is not an extreme solution -- after all, he's already investing a lot in the application process, it seems reasonable to invest a bit more to get some guidance and a jump start.
posted by third rail at 7:45 PM on October 13, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by third rail at 7:45 PM on October 13, 2013 [3 favorites]
Something I did with a friend who was having trouble writing an essay was have him talk about what he wanted to say and I took notes. Just having something written down helped him to start to realize what he wanted to say and break through the horror of the blank page.
posted by sciencegeek at 7:46 PM on October 13, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by sciencegeek at 7:46 PM on October 13, 2013 [8 favorites]
He could try writing about something that makes him angry. This is just a staring point, but generally if something makes you angry, you have strong opinions about it, so you have a lot to say about it. And while he's writing this down, it could lead somewhere that eventually becomes his essay.
posted by MexicanYenta at 7:54 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by MexicanYenta at 7:54 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
How structured are the three essays? Anxiety-paralysis is often future oriented. Can he write an essay about his writer's block? If he starts writing about how he feels about writing these essays, it could be a very natural segue into how much he wants to be part of this service academy and why - it could generate some useful starting points for the other essays. Remind him that a first draft doesn't have to be good, only one idea might survive. At this point, getting something on paper is better than nothing.
I was in this situation when applying for a leadership scholarship for grad school. Two hours before the submission deadline, I was stuck staring at the screen, trying to figure out why I was a better leader or more deserving than anyone else applying to the school. In desperation, I banged out 1800 words about what a lousy leader I really thought I was and how much I had to learn, yet how I kept getting stuck in leadership positions. I ended by saying that maybe I wasn't the right candidate for the scholarship after all. I submitted with about 3 minutes to go and I won the scholarship. So there's a data point.
posted by yogalemon at 7:54 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
I was in this situation when applying for a leadership scholarship for grad school. Two hours before the submission deadline, I was stuck staring at the screen, trying to figure out why I was a better leader or more deserving than anyone else applying to the school. In desperation, I banged out 1800 words about what a lousy leader I really thought I was and how much I had to learn, yet how I kept getting stuck in leadership positions. I ended by saying that maybe I wasn't the right candidate for the scholarship after all. I submitted with about 3 minutes to go and I won the scholarship. So there's a data point.
posted by yogalemon at 7:54 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
Here is my take on this.
Everything else that he has had to do sounds like he can measure whether his effort was "good enough" in a very concrete and quantifiable way.
He knows how many references he needs to offer for that to be good enough: 17.
He knows what physical standards he needs to meet in his physical: they are also judged in terms of numbers. I don't know what physical standards he needed to meet but I'm assuming that they are things like having a certain accuracy of eyesight or being able to run a certain distance under a certain amount of time. Or things that are simply yes/no - do you have any heart problems yes/no, do you have epilepsy yes/no, etc.
You can quantify what is a good GPA. You can quantify what is a good AP test score. (And you can even learn the rubrics that are used to grade the AP tests, so you know exactly what the graders are looking for to give people a 5, a 4, etc.).
You know that if you reach Eagle Scout then you are at at the top of the Boy Scouts and it's clear and straightforward how to get there.
---
Essays aren't like that. My wild guess is that he feels like he has absolutely no idea what they are looking for in the essays, and how he could tell if his essay was good enough, top quality, or superior quality (specifically in terms of what these service academies are looking for. He may otherwise be very good at writing essays and know what makes a good essay.)
There are plenty of books with examples of good college application essays, but I wonder if there are any books that are specifically targeted to the service academies. If so, that might be a good place to start.
Otherwise, I would recommend contacting the tutoring center at the service academies that he would like to apply to, and asking if there are any students who would be willing to talk to him and advise him about his essays over the phone, for a fee (you could pay them by Paypal if they don't live nearby). I think he might feel much more as if he had an idea of what to do if he had the chance to talk to someone who had already done it successfully.
posted by cairdeas at 7:55 PM on October 13, 2013 [13 favorites]
Everything else that he has had to do sounds like he can measure whether his effort was "good enough" in a very concrete and quantifiable way.
He knows how many references he needs to offer for that to be good enough: 17.
He knows what physical standards he needs to meet in his physical: they are also judged in terms of numbers. I don't know what physical standards he needed to meet but I'm assuming that they are things like having a certain accuracy of eyesight or being able to run a certain distance under a certain amount of time. Or things that are simply yes/no - do you have any heart problems yes/no, do you have epilepsy yes/no, etc.
You can quantify what is a good GPA. You can quantify what is a good AP test score. (And you can even learn the rubrics that are used to grade the AP tests, so you know exactly what the graders are looking for to give people a 5, a 4, etc.).
You know that if you reach Eagle Scout then you are at at the top of the Boy Scouts and it's clear and straightforward how to get there.
---
Essays aren't like that. My wild guess is that he feels like he has absolutely no idea what they are looking for in the essays, and how he could tell if his essay was good enough, top quality, or superior quality (specifically in terms of what these service academies are looking for. He may otherwise be very good at writing essays and know what makes a good essay.)
There are plenty of books with examples of good college application essays, but I wonder if there are any books that are specifically targeted to the service academies. If so, that might be a good place to start.
Otherwise, I would recommend contacting the tutoring center at the service academies that he would like to apply to, and asking if there are any students who would be willing to talk to him and advise him about his essays over the phone, for a fee (you could pay them by Paypal if they don't live nearby). I think he might feel much more as if he had an idea of what to do if he had the chance to talk to someone who had already done it successfully.
posted by cairdeas at 7:55 PM on October 13, 2013 [13 favorites]
Seconding sciencegeek. You intimately understand his drive and reasons for applying to this kind of program. It wouldn't be cheating to help write some ideas down with/for him to help get him started.
I totally understand his anxiety. All of his planning and consideration is finally coming down to three essays, likely explaining all of his planning and consideration, you know?
Good luck to him, and to you!
posted by mamabear at 7:55 PM on October 13, 2013
I totally understand his anxiety. All of his planning and consideration is finally coming down to three essays, likely explaining all of his planning and consideration, you know?
Good luck to him, and to you!
posted by mamabear at 7:55 PM on October 13, 2013
One thing that might help is if he can talk through the essay out loud and then write down what he said from a recording, editing as he goes. You can start by talking through some ideas for what he might write with him, getting him to do as much of the talking as possible. Have a recorder running in the background. If you can keep the discussion going long enough, he'll hopefully kind of forget the recorder is there and won't be too put off by it. Every time he comes up with even a sentence or a bit of an idea that might be useful, make a note of the time. Then later he can go back through the recording, looking for the timestamps you noted down, and transcribing what he said in those parts. Voila, he has a page or two of notes and phrases. Then he just has to edit them into something resembling an essay.
posted by lollusc at 8:15 PM on October 13, 2013
posted by lollusc at 8:15 PM on October 13, 2013
If this was the young adult asking the question I would say that when I had anxiety over writing something to the point that it was preventing me from getting it written, I would take my papers to the pub and knock back a couple of pints and then start plugging away. But you're the mother so I'm hesitant to suggest it. Still... It did the trick.
(I know the drinking age in the US is 21 but the "pub" part, while useful, is not quite as important as the "pints")
posted by kmennie at 8:19 PM on October 13, 2013
(I know the drinking age in the US is 21 but the "pub" part, while useful, is not quite as important as the "pints")
posted by kmennie at 8:19 PM on October 13, 2013
Response by poster: Thank you so much everyone. I posted this without telling him but your answers were so great that I showed them to him. We've done all the brainstorming (over and over again) but I think cairdeas has nailed it. Your words encouraged him though. Thanks for the help!
posted by davenportmom at 8:22 PM on October 13, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by davenportmom at 8:22 PM on October 13, 2013 [3 favorites]
These essays are NOT the culmination of all your son's efforts -- he has spent years making himself an excellent candidate for admission and these essays are just one more item to check off on his long list of preparations. Done very well, his essays could help him. But with all he has accomplished and at his level of competence, he is simply not capable of writing an essay so bad that it could ruin his chances to reach his goal. Try to help him internalize that fact.
However, writer's block is a real thing and it is cured only one way. Get words on paper. Any words. Tell him to repeat over and over to himself, "This is just a draft. I can fix it, reorganize it or throw it out completely later. But for now, I'll just start."
Sometimes it helps to start with the ending -- the final thing you want to say to the reader -- and then work backward. Sometimes it helps to write to an audience you know -- just start a casual letter on the topic to a beloved grandparent or to a favorite teacher who made a big impression. Or do some "lightning round" writing and try to come up with 20 different one sentence answers to the topic question in 5 minutes.
He's good. He's smart. Once he gets moving, he'll find his way.
posted by peakcomm at 8:50 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
However, writer's block is a real thing and it is cured only one way. Get words on paper. Any words. Tell him to repeat over and over to himself, "This is just a draft. I can fix it, reorganize it or throw it out completely later. But for now, I'll just start."
Sometimes it helps to start with the ending -- the final thing you want to say to the reader -- and then work backward. Sometimes it helps to write to an audience you know -- just start a casual letter on the topic to a beloved grandparent or to a favorite teacher who made a big impression. Or do some "lightning round" writing and try to come up with 20 different one sentence answers to the topic question in 5 minutes.
He's good. He's smart. Once he gets moving, he'll find his way.
posted by peakcomm at 8:50 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
There is a book I used (and used to help my younger siblings) called Writing Graduate School Essays by Douglas Asher. We found it really helpful in understanding what these essays are all about -- and it works as well for undergrad type stuff as it does for grad school.
It is hard on everyone writing these essays because it is really weird to have to write an essay about how great you are. One thing I found helpful was the idea that you are writing a story, a love story about how you and this school were fated for all eternity to be perfect for each other, why you are perfect for service academy (which by the way you know so much about, flaunt your knowledge about their location, teaching style and famous specialities), and why service academy is perfect for you. Ideally this story will be primarily driven by a colorful anecdote that illustrates its premise.
Keep in mind the admissions staff is just trying to find people who will fit in at Service Academy and excel there. They are not bridge dwelling ogres trying to judge his fitness as a human being, they just want to populate their place with appropriate happy candidates. Your son sounds like an excellent candidate, and I wish him luck finding an appropriately catchy story to illustrate just how excellent a candidate he is.
posted by feets at 8:54 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
It is hard on everyone writing these essays because it is really weird to have to write an essay about how great you are. One thing I found helpful was the idea that you are writing a story, a love story about how you and this school were fated for all eternity to be perfect for each other, why you are perfect for service academy (which by the way you know so much about, flaunt your knowledge about their location, teaching style and famous specialities), and why service academy is perfect for you. Ideally this story will be primarily driven by a colorful anecdote that illustrates its premise.
Keep in mind the admissions staff is just trying to find people who will fit in at Service Academy and excel there. They are not bridge dwelling ogres trying to judge his fitness as a human being, they just want to populate their place with appropriate happy candidates. Your son sounds like an excellent candidate, and I wish him luck finding an appropriately catchy story to illustrate just how excellent a candidate he is.
posted by feets at 8:54 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
p.s. I also think a tutor or writing coach can really help break through the essay writing fear block -- and in this case it's worth the expense.
posted by feets at 8:57 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by feets at 8:57 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
Start writing it for him while he watches you fumble through his dreams and aspirations -- he'll correct your mistakes into an essay of his own!
posted by oceanjesse at 9:06 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by oceanjesse at 9:06 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
My son is applying to one of the service academies this year too. I suggest, if he is applying to the USNA, that he talk to his Blue and Gold officer. I am pretty sure the USMA, USAF and Merchant Marine have similar liaisons.
Also, if your congressperson has a nominating committee, I suggest he have an informal discussion with a member of that committee (or several members) and simply ask them what they are looking for.
My son was also similarly "stuck". I firmly believe this if this is something he wants, he should do all the work for it. While I would edit his essays for grammar, etc. I would not supply the content. He ended up writing essays on things that are very near and dear to him that he volunteers for as well as writing about a large disappointment in his life and how he dealt with it and learned from the adversity.
Good luck.
Go Navy. Beat Army.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:16 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
Also, if your congressperson has a nominating committee, I suggest he have an informal discussion with a member of that committee (or several members) and simply ask them what they are looking for.
My son was also similarly "stuck". I firmly believe this if this is something he wants, he should do all the work for it. While I would edit his essays for grammar, etc. I would not supply the content. He ended up writing essays on things that are very near and dear to him that he volunteers for as well as writing about a large disappointment in his life and how he dealt with it and learned from the adversity.
Good luck.
Go Navy. Beat Army.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:16 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
Tell him to just put words on a page or on index cards for 14 minutes. And not some final form of essay, but just words. "Anyone can do anything for 14 minutes."
On top of this, block out a 2-3 hour chunk of the day where he's not allowed to work on it. Andhas should do something he likes that's rewarding. Playing guitar or a watching a movie, but not mindless instant messaging or flash games.
Maybe alternate. 3 hours of fun, then chores, then 14 minutes of words on a page.
Also, I'd have a therapist who specializes on procrastination or a writing coach work with him on this.
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:16 PM on October 13, 2013
On top of this, block out a 2-3 hour chunk of the day where he's not allowed to work on it. And
Maybe alternate. 3 hours of fun, then chores, then 14 minutes of words on a page.
Also, I'd have a therapist who specializes on procrastination or a writing coach work with him on this.
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:16 PM on October 13, 2013
Tell him to just start writing. Anything. Typing words on a screen. Saying anything he wants to say or nothing at all. Just fill pages. Then go back, circle what he likes, and craft it into an essay.
My son DID get into a service academy, and looking at what you have written it looks like your son is shaping up to have an excellent portfolio. I understand him being frozen, because something similar happened to me in college when I was trying to place out of an English class.
Tell your son that a former usafa mom out here knows he has the right stuff, and that he can do this.
(And while we are on the topic, if for whatever reason he doesn't get in the first time, he can reapply. My son got in on the second go round after spending one year at Marion Military Institute. That isn't all that uncommon. )
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:30 PM on October 13, 2013
My son DID get into a service academy, and looking at what you have written it looks like your son is shaping up to have an excellent portfolio. I understand him being frozen, because something similar happened to me in college when I was trying to place out of an English class.
Tell your son that a former usafa mom out here knows he has the right stuff, and that he can do this.
(And while we are on the topic, if for whatever reason he doesn't get in the first time, he can reapply. My son got in on the second go round after spending one year at Marion Military Institute. That isn't all that uncommon. )
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:30 PM on October 13, 2013
(Oh, and I know the writing anything technique works because this is exactly how I kill writer's block when I am in songwriting mode. He has to get past that inner censor that is telling him he has to be perfect. No he doesn't have to be perfect, he simply has to write, and once he has written he can craft it the way he wants it.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:33 PM on October 13, 2013
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:33 PM on October 13, 2013
I filled an entire wastebasket with crumpled up papers when trying to write my college essay. Finally I hit on a way to relate something I felt passionately about to the assigned topic and finished it like a house afire. (It helped that my essay was essentially a polished version of a rant I had delivered several times already.) It worked.
Consider watching "The History Boys", and have him get a good night's sleep. Once he figures out "the stuff" the words will follow.
posted by Soliloquy at 9:34 PM on October 13, 2013
Consider watching "The History Boys", and have him get a good night's sleep. Once he figures out "the stuff" the words will follow.
posted by Soliloquy at 9:34 PM on October 13, 2013
he continually, week after week, stares at the blank screen.
It sounds like he just needs to GET STARTED.
I'm a writer. A lot of the time, starting a writing project -- or even getting started on the writing I need to do today -- seems like an unbelievably daunting task. I can't even bring myself to open the writing program, or to create a new file. I'm paralyzed, constantly coming up with more stuff I have to do before I can get started. Whether that's classic procrastinating (ten more minutes on Metafilter...) or some invented task I've decided I must do before I can start. (Research, go over my outline again, email so and so, google a thing, etc.)
Not picking topics for the essays is classic "afraid to get started" behavior.
It will probably be most helpful for him if you can sort of break the ice and get him past that hurdle of STARTING.
Next time the two of you have an uninterrupted block of time -- and I mean like 10 minutes, not a day -- have him get out paper and pen and say, "We're going to spend 10 minutes coming up with essay topics. Go!" And do not let him beg off. He must write down ANY idea that either of the two of you come up with, no matter how inappropriate. No excuses. No "that won't work because". No idea is too dumb. Just start the pen moving on the paper. I promise you that in ten minutes there will be something on that paper he can write his essay about.
And probably, once his creative juices get flowing, he will be up for spending more than 10 minutes. If you can get his momentum going, at this point you should urge him to open Microsoft Word (or whatever) and start jotting down thoughts about how one would go about writing an essay about Topic X. This is the beginnings of an outline. Now there's no turning back.
From this point forward, there is no more blank screen. There is no more going into his room to Write An Essay. Because now there are steps that can be taken. Now there's a process that can be broken down into component tasks and ground away at until it's done.
Go Write An Essay is an impossible task. For everyone. Period. Stephen King couldn't Go To His Room And Write An Essay.
Writing down 20 topics for an essay, whatever comes to mind, nothing is too dumb, is a task a person can handle. And once you get to tasks a person can handle, there is a light at the end of the writing tunnel.
posted by Sara C. at 10:38 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
It sounds like he just needs to GET STARTED.
I'm a writer. A lot of the time, starting a writing project -- or even getting started on the writing I need to do today -- seems like an unbelievably daunting task. I can't even bring myself to open the writing program, or to create a new file. I'm paralyzed, constantly coming up with more stuff I have to do before I can get started. Whether that's classic procrastinating (ten more minutes on Metafilter...) or some invented task I've decided I must do before I can start. (Research, go over my outline again, email so and so, google a thing, etc.)
Not picking topics for the essays is classic "afraid to get started" behavior.
It will probably be most helpful for him if you can sort of break the ice and get him past that hurdle of STARTING.
Next time the two of you have an uninterrupted block of time -- and I mean like 10 minutes, not a day -- have him get out paper and pen and say, "We're going to spend 10 minutes coming up with essay topics. Go!" And do not let him beg off. He must write down ANY idea that either of the two of you come up with, no matter how inappropriate. No excuses. No "that won't work because". No idea is too dumb. Just start the pen moving on the paper. I promise you that in ten minutes there will be something on that paper he can write his essay about.
And probably, once his creative juices get flowing, he will be up for spending more than 10 minutes. If you can get his momentum going, at this point you should urge him to open Microsoft Word (or whatever) and start jotting down thoughts about how one would go about writing an essay about Topic X. This is the beginnings of an outline. Now there's no turning back.
From this point forward, there is no more blank screen. There is no more going into his room to Write An Essay. Because now there are steps that can be taken. Now there's a process that can be broken down into component tasks and ground away at until it's done.
Go Write An Essay is an impossible task. For everyone. Period. Stephen King couldn't Go To His Room And Write An Essay.
Writing down 20 topics for an essay, whatever comes to mind, nothing is too dumb, is a task a person can handle. And once you get to tasks a person can handle, there is a light at the end of the writing tunnel.
posted by Sara C. at 10:38 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]
I like Sara C.'s advice a lot. I can write a mean essay, but only because I can break it down into very manageable pieces.
1. Identify the question to be answered.
2. Brainstorm possible answers. Even if they seem stupid or unrelated, they help you refine your thought process.
3. Brainstorming usually results in things that are related to each other. Group related ideas together.
4. Identify the strongest ideas--usually these are the ones that speak the most to you and therefore seem easiest to write about.
5. Write a first draft. Use as many or as few words as you need, but write as quickly as possible. My first drafts literally have fragments like "transition sentence here" or "some date I can't remember right now goes here."
6. Write a second draft.
7. Leave it alone for a good 24 hours.
8. Print it out and write on it. Sometimes I can see problems on paper that I don't notice on the screen.
8. Write the final draft.
I think there's something to be said for brainstorming outside of Word. Paper is good, and sometimes changing up your environment or your tools can be helpful in unsticking your brain.
posted by xyzzy at 11:31 PM on October 13, 2013
1. Identify the question to be answered.
2. Brainstorm possible answers. Even if they seem stupid or unrelated, they help you refine your thought process.
3. Brainstorming usually results in things that are related to each other. Group related ideas together.
4. Identify the strongest ideas--usually these are the ones that speak the most to you and therefore seem easiest to write about.
5. Write a first draft. Use as many or as few words as you need, but write as quickly as possible. My first drafts literally have fragments like "transition sentence here" or "some date I can't remember right now goes here."
6. Write a second draft.
7. Leave it alone for a good 24 hours.
8. Print it out and write on it. Sometimes I can see problems on paper that I don't notice on the screen.
8. Write the final draft.
I think there's something to be said for brainstorming outside of Word. Paper is good, and sometimes changing up your environment or your tools can be helpful in unsticking your brain.
posted by xyzzy at 11:31 PM on October 13, 2013
Yes, get words on paper. The first draft likely WILL be awful. It's like being sculptor and sitting down to work, then realizing that you have to vomit up the clay before you can sculpt it. It's best to get the first draft out of the way as quickly as possible because it's so painful.
He needs to hear that your first draft is just a step along the way. It WILL be awful. It's the act of cleaning it up that makes it good, but you can't rearrange, organize, clean up, polish something that doesn't even exist. I mean, sure, there are some people who can know what they want to say and make an outline, then write systematically. Then there are people like me who have no idea what they want to say until they start sorting through sentences on the screen and find the ones that actually feel true.
Find ways to take the pressure off the first drafts. One approach might be: "Okay, new plan. Every day, write the best essay you can in just one hour. Then, in a week, we'll look at the seven essays you wrote and polish up the best three."
There are other ways to detach and take the pressure off, too. I have written things by saying, "okay, I'm not really going to submit this, but suppose I WERE writing an essay about X. What would it say?" Another trick that once worked was, "ugh, an essay like this would be full of a lot of fake-sounding corny stuff such as..." Or just write about why he can't write. Once some words are down, the focus may begin to emerge.
posted by salvia at 11:44 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
He needs to hear that your first draft is just a step along the way. It WILL be awful. It's the act of cleaning it up that makes it good, but you can't rearrange, organize, clean up, polish something that doesn't even exist. I mean, sure, there are some people who can know what they want to say and make an outline, then write systematically. Then there are people like me who have no idea what they want to say until they start sorting through sentences on the screen and find the ones that actually feel true.
Find ways to take the pressure off the first drafts. One approach might be: "Okay, new plan. Every day, write the best essay you can in just one hour. Then, in a week, we'll look at the seven essays you wrote and polish up the best three."
There are other ways to detach and take the pressure off, too. I have written things by saying, "okay, I'm not really going to submit this, but suppose I WERE writing an essay about X. What would it say?" Another trick that once worked was, "ugh, an essay like this would be full of a lot of fake-sounding corny stuff such as..." Or just write about why he can't write. Once some words are down, the focus may begin to emerge.
posted by salvia at 11:44 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]
If he's still stuck, have him start listing things that he won't be putting in the essays. Like 'my fifth birthday party, my friend from sixth grade that moved away, my favorite NBA team, how far it is to the park from my house, how boring I think history class is, ...'. Then start writing about why each topic is inappropriate. Then start thinking of more things he won't write about that aren't covered by any reason so far, and come up with reasons for them, and so on until he's got a pretty well defined area that he would write about.
posted by jacalata at 12:05 AM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by jacalata at 12:05 AM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'll nth Writing Graduate School Essays by Douglas Asher. It was better than any of the undergrad oriented books I'd used when I was going through that.
Does he have a back up plan? I mean really well and truly sit down and work out the what-if-I-don't-get-in train of thought and come up with a plan. Not just any plan - but a good one, one he can be excited about if he needs to. (I remember a Ted Talk where the speaker asked the audience to raise their hands if they were still on their life 'Plan A' - almost no one, 'Plan B' yielded a few more results, and the exercise quickly dissolved into jokes about Plan M and Plan Z and AA. That's life. Even if he gets in - it may not be what he thinks, or he may not be who he thinks, or... beginning to get comfortable with this will help him relax in his writing, and help in general!) Full disclaimer: I'm still working on this too. It never stops.
Also, maybe you guys can plan a long technology-free weekend at the lake or something once he gets his application in? He sounds pretty tightly wound/scheduled - he might appreciate a weekend just to think and be before he resumes the craziness. Or you might have fun blowing off some steam at a SixFlags or something. Also, it's a nice thing to do something just the three of you while he's still living at home =)
Also, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. This very stuckness and 'shitty first drafts' and writing is the topic of the whole book. He is not alone, and this is not his last bout of writer's block.
posted by jrobin276 at 1:06 AM on October 14, 2013
Does he have a back up plan? I mean really well and truly sit down and work out the what-if-I-don't-get-in train of thought and come up with a plan. Not just any plan - but a good one, one he can be excited about if he needs to. (I remember a Ted Talk where the speaker asked the audience to raise their hands if they were still on their life 'Plan A' - almost no one, 'Plan B' yielded a few more results, and the exercise quickly dissolved into jokes about Plan M and Plan Z and AA. That's life. Even if he gets in - it may not be what he thinks, or he may not be who he thinks, or... beginning to get comfortable with this will help him relax in his writing, and help in general!) Full disclaimer: I'm still working on this too. It never stops.
Also, maybe you guys can plan a long technology-free weekend at the lake or something once he gets his application in? He sounds pretty tightly wound/scheduled - he might appreciate a weekend just to think and be before he resumes the craziness. Or you might have fun blowing off some steam at a SixFlags or something. Also, it's a nice thing to do something just the three of you while he's still living at home =)
Also, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. This very stuckness and 'shitty first drafts' and writing is the topic of the whole book. He is not alone, and this is not his last bout of writer's block.
posted by jrobin276 at 1:06 AM on October 14, 2013
A good officer knows when to get help from his superiors, and especially, the people who know more about X & Y but don't have much rank. So, there is NO reason not to get help on this if he needs it; not ethics nor pride nor fear. And a ton of reasons to get help if he needs it.
posted by Jacen at 5:48 AM on October 14, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Jacen at 5:48 AM on October 14, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm a Blue & Gold Officer with the Naval Academy. We assist candidates through the application process and act as the gateway towards an appointment into the Naval Academy.
The essays are important, but they're just one piece of the puzzle. You didn't mention WHICH academy he's attempting to join, but at least from a Naval Academy point of view, we're looking for well-rounded individuals.
He doesn't have to write the next great American novel, but if he was my candidate I'd want to read something that shows he knows what he's talking about. As the saying goes, write about what you know. Be articulate. Spell-check it 80 times.
MeMail me if you have any questions about the whole process.
posted by matty at 11:26 AM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
The essays are important, but they're just one piece of the puzzle. You didn't mention WHICH academy he's attempting to join, but at least from a Naval Academy point of view, we're looking for well-rounded individuals.
He doesn't have to write the next great American novel, but if he was my candidate I'd want to read something that shows he knows what he's talking about. As the saying goes, write about what you know. Be articulate. Spell-check it 80 times.
MeMail me if you have any questions about the whole process.
posted by matty at 11:26 AM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
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It's also not just him and you guys--his school should be helping him. Can you connect him with a teacher, his scout leader, etc. so he can talk out ideas? Maybe with his scout leader he could ask "what would you think the service academy should know about me?" and see if that gives him any ideas? If you want, you and your partner could brainstorm questions to get him going.
posted by c'mon sea legs at 7:43 PM on October 13, 2013