Go No Contact Or Try Again - Can We Become Whole People Together?
October 12, 2013 1:10 PM Subscribe
After loosing ourselves in each other, my girlfriend and I broke up. Is it possible for two people who still get great along splendidly to recover from dual co-dependency and love loss?
posted by GoneWhere to human relations (23 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
We're in our late 20's/early 30's, live together, and have been together for almost 2 years. Unmarried. We get along fantastically but we've both come to realize, post break up, that I'm co-dependent and she lost herself. For most of the relationship, I sacrificed myself to try to make her happy, and then become unhappy whenever she didn't want to partake in my interests which would have allowed me to be the real me. At the same time, she dropped a lot of her hobbies and interest just to spend time with me; she focused all her energy on her happiness-sapping work and me and nothing else. We maintained our friendships outside each other loosely; we had dangerously become each others one and only, but neither of us is acting like an individual.
I'm not in love with her anymore; the issues just went on so long and I became frustrated and bitter. I finally broke up with her definitively. We still live together as neither of us have no place else to stay and we have two one year old dogs that need taking care of. We work off schedules but we see each other every day. We actually get along better than we have when we were together, now that we're trying to grow as individuals again. Still, I'm trying to move out and she's looking for a roommate.
I'm afraid to lose her because I wonder if we could be great if we were each more true to ourselves. She feels the exact same way, but she still loves me. I've been reluctant to get back together, nonetheless, and have kept a “we're broken up” stance. But she just when I feel resolved in what's going on, she makes me wonder if we're doing the right thing by telling me we should give it another go. We're both great talking and incredibly logical people; there are no more fights, we're just exploring who we are and what we should do together. There real laughter and warmth here, but I'm fraught with skepticism. I want it to work out and be true, but I'm struggling to believe that's possible. I have one foot on the boat, but am looking the other way, so to speak.
It took me a lot of courage to break up with her, and now my foundation is shaken again. What should I do my MF friends? You're so full of knowledge; this site has been invaluable to me. I'll be around if you need me to give you more of the nitty gritty.