I made a mistake that resulted in me missing out on a great opportunity to build a decent support group in my new city, which I have been struggling to adjust to. I feel so much pain and regret at losing what was sure to be a great thing. How can I move forward? Any advice much appreciated.
posted by independence under the radar to human relations (13 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Hello Mefites, I come to the Green in search of your advice. I've been apartment hunting, having my current housing situation extended until the end of this month. Other housing possibilities fell through for one reason or another, most commonly due to flakey people on Craigslist that changed their minds or stood me up.
Last week, I found the best place I looked at through Craigslist. Most valuable were the people there. I can easily say that they were the most welcoming and kind, funny people I have met since moving, and our personalities just meshed. Things just flowed, and they actually listened to me and got my sense of humor and personality, which is usually awkward at the first meeting, but this was so effortless. I knew for sure I liked the people, with whom I felt I could make good friends with. It even made me rethink leaving Seattle. I did have some questions about the place, and I've been cautious when it comes to accepting new living situations, to avoid an environment like the abusive home I came from. I've been trying to find out if rental info, in particular the address of the tenant, ever goes online, since my family still asks me where I live (and I continue not to respond).
I was corresponding with a roommate who didn't show up (and is trying to rent his room) but his roomies let me in and they were the ones I met. So, I thought I would wait to hear back from him to see why he didn't make it, which was mistake #1 that I made, as I should have just emailed him that I liked the roomies and am interested in taking over for him but have some questions, etc. I heard back from him 3 days later, where he apologized and mentioned that the roommates really liked me. I felt happy to feel so welcome. So I responded back the next day with some questions, and he replied back that evening, stating again that I was a great fit and could likely make good friends with some of the roommates and said if I was interested, we could move forward. I got that email at night a few hours after he sent it, and so I thought to wait until the morning to reply that I was interested, which was another mistake I made- I shouldn't have waited. The next morning I emailed my desire to go forward, and 10 minutes later, he apologized profusely and said that the room was already taken, since he wasn't sure what he would hear from me. He said again that I would fit so well there and wished me luck.
I felt crestfallen and almost in shock that yet another Craigslist chance fell through, but this time, it was my fault for not responding sooner. I was really upset with myself for that.
I don't really mind that I lost the space, per se- what really hurts me is that I lost the chance of a great friendship and connection with them. I emailed him again and put out there that if any of them ever wanted to hang, to drop me an email, as I didn't have any of their contact info nor they mine. I really felt it was a true connection and so I thought to do whatever I could, but it's up to the contact guy to give my info to the roomies, and then up to them to contact me, despite how awkward it may be, and for all I know they may think I just wasn't interested in the place, but who knows. So, I may or may not ever hear from them again, and I hurt at the loss of their friendliness and how well we seemed to mesh. I even emailed the contact guy again and asked him to connect me with one of the roomies so I could ask them a question I had about a mutual interest, but the contact guy said he could answer it, and he gave me sincere advice about it and then wished me well, and I him.
I had a really hard emotional time the day of and after, since I'm left back at square one, my social support group still lacking, and I wish so much that I had just given my interest sooner.
tl;dr: Have you ever had to deal with the aftermath of a mistake you made that resulted in you losing a great opportunity? How can I move forward after this? There's probably nothing more I can do with these particular people, right? I guess I'm hung up on how mutual and effortless it felt, and how rare that is for me, and I wonder if I'll find that with others. And also, I regret that I won't get to know those particular people, as I really felt a connection with them that was very supportive.
How can I best move forward so that I don't let this happen again? Any advice is very helpful. Thanks, Mefites.