Anti-depresssants after many, many years of depression
October 4, 2013 6:28 AM Subscribe
I'm interested in people's experiences with medication for very long standing depression, especially positive ones, but I'm curious about negative attempts too.
I am 34 now, and am certain I have been chronically depressed unremittingly since I was at least 9 or 10. I was told by my family doctor when I was 19 that he thought I had "chronic mild depression". I didn't really understand what that meant at the time and took the "mild" to mean not that serious, and was just getting medications for panic attacks so nothing much came of it. When I was 24 I tried Zoloft for a few months but it didn't do anything. I didn't get a chance to adjust dosage or try any longer since my insurance ran out at that time. When I was 30 I tried Wellbutrin and it was a horrifying 10 or so days.
Because of my above experiences, and the fact that I have no recollection of ever feeling okay in my life I am extremely skeptical that anti-depressants can improve my life in a significant way. The idea that anybody could feel okay in my life (or my past life) because they take a pill seems absurd to me. But I can't seem to change anything in my life even though I've been trying for so, so long. However, for the past five years it has gotten progressively worse, and I feel very desperate now. I want to try anti-depressants since it's the one thing I feel I have not really tried (and being depressed can make you completely ineffectual as my life has shown, but I think I can manage to take a pill every day). I've also realized that even when it's not that palpable to me I think I have deep fear and anxiety at all moments of the day and it effects all of my actions and inactions. I have been in therapy for 10 months but it hasn't improved anything except that I like having someone to talk to every week.
Has anybody had any inspiring experiences with antidepressants after being depressed their whole life? Did it actually begin a cycle of change, and make up for how deeply screwed your life has become over so many years?
I am very fearful, also, that if it works I will immediately dishonor my past and my experiences, and become like the average person in the US and be filled with constant, trite, simplistic and completely generalized ideas about life, struggle, possibility, while calling it "optimism" and a "good attitude".
I also have over the last 6-12 months finally, finally, completely lost all of my sex drive. It's been a steady decline over the last 5 years but it's finally all gone. I'm worried about this for many reasons, but maybe most importantly, I am single and one of the few hopes I have left is that I'll still be able to experience a loving, healthy, secure relationship and have a family. I don't see how this can be possible without a sex drive. In my one serious relationship my lack of sex drive contributed greatly to our problems (on both sides), and it was much better then than it is now. Has anybody actually got their sex drive back from antidepressants? (not counting Wellbutrin)
Sorry if my question seems a bit all over the place, but basically I'd like to hear the experiences of people with a starting point somewhat similar to mine. Thanks.