Being a responsible neighbor, DUI edition
October 3, 2013 12:39 PM Subscribe
My next door neighbor's friend drove away drunk last night (waking me up in the process -- it was not a quiet event). After making sure my neighbor was okay, I ended up just going back to bed. Now, though, I'm wondering if I should have called the cops myself, and in general how to respond appropriately to this sort of thing. I don't want to be a busybody, but I also don't want to perpetuate the "bystander effect" when I might actually be able to help!
Okay, so...at about 1:30 AM this morning I was awakened by the sound of a car horn honking repetitively, followed by an ominous "crunch". Worried that someone might be breaking into vehicles (which rarely but occasionally happens on my street), I looked outside, only to see my next-door neighbor standing in a pile of plastic debris behind his truck.
I asked if everything was okay, and thankfully my neighbor wasn't physically injured, but he was clearly quite dumbfounded by what had just transpired. He explained to me that he'd been trying to stop an intoxicated friend from driving away, but was unsuccessful. The "crunch" that had gotten me out of bed was the sound of her ramming his (parked) pickup with her vehicle before roaring off into the distance.
Needless to say, I was incredibly freaked out by this. I told my neighbor he should call the cops and he said, "Yeah, that would probably be a good idea". But he said he wanted to call his brother (a lawyer) first for advice, so I went back to bed rather than offering to call the police (or just doing so) myself.
Now, though, I'm kicking myself wondering if I should have done something differently. I mean, I knew that there was a drunk driver out there, and I knew that my neighbor had a lot of information the police could have used to potentially intercept her and stop her from hurting or killing herself (or others).
If it were me in my neighbor's position, I would have called the police right away so I could describe the vehicle, provide the license plate number, and let them know what street she'd left from and what direction she'd been going. I was strongly tempted to just call the non-emergency number on my neighbor's behalf to get them to talk to him, but I couldn't figure out if that would make me a responsible neighbor or an interfering busybody.
I seriously wanted to, but at 1:30 AM I couldn't quite process whether I was just jumpy because of how abruptly I'd been awakened or whether the situation was really That Serious (due to the existence of a known intoxicated driver who had already hit one vehicle).
Obviously me calling the police NOW wouldn't accomplish anything useful, but it'd be good to know for the future whether I would be out of line to do so if something like this happens again. Moreover, my neighbor is actually a renter, and I'm wondering if the owners of the house should be informed of what occurred on their property.
Essentially I am not sure of the line between "responsibly looking out for the safety of others" and "getting involved in stuff that isn't my business" so any input that might help me make the distinction would be appreciated.
If it's relevant, I live in California.
Okay, so...at about 1:30 AM this morning I was awakened by the sound of a car horn honking repetitively, followed by an ominous "crunch". Worried that someone might be breaking into vehicles (which rarely but occasionally happens on my street), I looked outside, only to see my next-door neighbor standing in a pile of plastic debris behind his truck.
I asked if everything was okay, and thankfully my neighbor wasn't physically injured, but he was clearly quite dumbfounded by what had just transpired. He explained to me that he'd been trying to stop an intoxicated friend from driving away, but was unsuccessful. The "crunch" that had gotten me out of bed was the sound of her ramming his (parked) pickup with her vehicle before roaring off into the distance.
Needless to say, I was incredibly freaked out by this. I told my neighbor he should call the cops and he said, "Yeah, that would probably be a good idea". But he said he wanted to call his brother (a lawyer) first for advice, so I went back to bed rather than offering to call the police (or just doing so) myself.
Now, though, I'm kicking myself wondering if I should have done something differently. I mean, I knew that there was a drunk driver out there, and I knew that my neighbor had a lot of information the police could have used to potentially intercept her and stop her from hurting or killing herself (or others).
If it were me in my neighbor's position, I would have called the police right away so I could describe the vehicle, provide the license plate number, and let them know what street she'd left from and what direction she'd been going. I was strongly tempted to just call the non-emergency number on my neighbor's behalf to get them to talk to him, but I couldn't figure out if that would make me a responsible neighbor or an interfering busybody.
I seriously wanted to, but at 1:30 AM I couldn't quite process whether I was just jumpy because of how abruptly I'd been awakened or whether the situation was really That Serious (due to the existence of a known intoxicated driver who had already hit one vehicle).
Obviously me calling the police NOW wouldn't accomplish anything useful, but it'd be good to know for the future whether I would be out of line to do so if something like this happens again. Moreover, my neighbor is actually a renter, and I'm wondering if the owners of the house should be informed of what occurred on their property.
Essentially I am not sure of the line between "responsibly looking out for the safety of others" and "getting involved in stuff that isn't my business" so any input that might help me make the distinction would be appreciated.
If it's relevant, I live in California.
Best answer: This isn't a human relations question, this is a law & government question. If you see/hear/know of a drunk driver (not to mention the crime of leaving the scene of an accident), call the police.
posted by headnsouth at 12:41 PM on October 3, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 12:41 PM on October 3, 2013 [10 favorites]
And as for why you shouldn't mind your own business: drunk drivers kill people. That guy had a good chance of plowing straight into a car with a family in it. I'm baffled as to how that could have been unimportant enough for you that you didn't make the call.
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:42 PM on October 3, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:42 PM on October 3, 2013 [7 favorites]
Obviously me calling the police NOW wouldn't accomplish anything useful, but it'd be good to know for the future whether I would be out of line to do so if something like this happens again.
Not out of line at all. You had reports of an incident that was detrimental to public safety -- it is absolutely appropriate to say, "No, call the cops right fucking now so no one dies," and then do it yourself if he won't. It might not be helpful if you can't describe the car, but it's better than doing nothing.
Moreover, my neighbor is actually a renter, and I'm wondering if the owners of the house should be informed of what occurred on their property.
No. That's no more helpful to anyone than would calling the police would be now, and will almost definitely make an enemy out of your neighbor.
posted by Etrigan at 12:42 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Not out of line at all. You had reports of an incident that was detrimental to public safety -- it is absolutely appropriate to say, "No, call the cops right fucking now so no one dies," and then do it yourself if he won't. It might not be helpful if you can't describe the car, but it's better than doing nothing.
Moreover, my neighbor is actually a renter, and I'm wondering if the owners of the house should be informed of what occurred on their property.
No. That's no more helpful to anyone than would calling the police would be now, and will almost definitely make an enemy out of your neighbor.
posted by Etrigan at 12:42 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: In the future, call 911 and say something like, "Someone has just crashed into a car and is driving away from the scene, I believe the person is intoxicated, they're driving a red Mazda Miata and they were heading South on Elm street from Main."
Just give what information YOU have to the police.
It's hard to know sometimes what to do, so in the future, resolve to call the cops when you think something JDLR (Just Doesn't Look Right).
Your neighbor has to answer to his own conscience.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:43 PM on October 3, 2013 [31 favorites]
Just give what information YOU have to the police.
It's hard to know sometimes what to do, so in the future, resolve to call the cops when you think something JDLR (Just Doesn't Look Right).
Your neighbor has to answer to his own conscience.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:43 PM on October 3, 2013 [31 favorites]
Yes, this is a call-the-police situation. In my view, it is very much on the side of "looking out for others" rather than "being a busy-body."
It may also be helpful to call the non-emergency number now if you have any information on the drunk driver's identity -- it won't get them arrested now, but depending on how the PD record keeping operates in your jurisdiction, it could get Driver's name flagged, and then the next time Driver gets pulled over the cops may be less likely to cut her any slack.
posted by craven_morhead at 12:50 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
It may also be helpful to call the non-emergency number now if you have any information on the drunk driver's identity -- it won't get them arrested now, but depending on how the PD record keeping operates in your jurisdiction, it could get Driver's name flagged, and then the next time Driver gets pulled over the cops may be less likely to cut her any slack.
posted by craven_morhead at 12:50 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I know a family whose mother was killed by a drunk driver. Please resolve to call the police next time, the same way you would if someone was drunk and waving a gun around, or threatening someone else with a knife.
posted by gauche at 12:52 PM on October 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by gauche at 12:52 PM on October 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I'm wondering if the owners of the house should be informed of what occurred on their property.
Calling the cops is a good course of action; calling the landlord is not -- it crosses over into busybody territory, and will do no good to anyone.
IF you see a pattern of this type of behavior from the renter and/or his friends, THEN it would be a smart move to consider contacting the landlord. For now, let it be, on the assumption it was a one-off event.
(It's hard to think clearly at 1:30 a.m. when startled awake, so don't be hard on yourself for not making the call to the cops at that time.)
posted by nacho fries at 12:59 PM on October 3, 2013 [7 favorites]
Calling the cops is a good course of action; calling the landlord is not -- it crosses over into busybody territory, and will do no good to anyone.
IF you see a pattern of this type of behavior from the renter and/or his friends, THEN it would be a smart move to consider contacting the landlord. For now, let it be, on the assumption it was a one-off event.
(It's hard to think clearly at 1:30 a.m. when startled awake, so don't be hard on yourself for not making the call to the cops at that time.)
posted by nacho fries at 12:59 PM on October 3, 2013 [7 favorites]
I am a fan of calling my local PD's non-emergency number for things that are low priority (like, we have occasional crowd control issues on our street, for example) but in that instance I would have dialled 911/999 without hesitation.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:03 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by DarlingBri at 1:03 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you see a drunk person getting behind the wheel, call the police. it doesn't matter if they are your neighbor's friend, your mom, your dad, or whoever. This isn't being a busybody like "Oh I smell pot smoke and need to call the cops." This is basically a murderer on the loose and their weapon is a car. Call the police.
Forgive yourself for this, and remember for next time.
posted by haplesschild at 1:09 PM on October 3, 2013 [8 favorites]
Forgive yourself for this, and remember for next time.
posted by haplesschild at 1:09 PM on October 3, 2013 [8 favorites]
Moreover, my neighbor is actually a renter, and I'm wondering if the owners of the house should be informed of what occurred on their property.
What? No. That just seems vindictive. Your neighbour's not the one who's roaring around drunk, he just had a bad guest. It happens. Unless his guests are regularly disturbing your peace, he doesn't deserve to have his housing jeopardized for this.
As to the rest, though: yes, next time call the cops. Driving around that drunk is like firing a gun down a public street. The police need all the help they can get from concerned citizens to stop this kind of thing.
(Recently, in my city, a drunk woman rammed her truck into the front room of a house, killing a baby asleep in his crib. So...fuck those people.)
posted by Salamander at 1:09 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
What? No. That just seems vindictive. Your neighbour's not the one who's roaring around drunk, he just had a bad guest. It happens. Unless his guests are regularly disturbing your peace, he doesn't deserve to have his housing jeopardized for this.
As to the rest, though: yes, next time call the cops. Driving around that drunk is like firing a gun down a public street. The police need all the help they can get from concerned citizens to stop this kind of thing.
(Recently, in my city, a drunk woman rammed her truck into the front room of a house, killing a baby asleep in his crib. So...fuck those people.)
posted by Salamander at 1:09 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
Call the police next time. Your neighbor was being a jerk by not calling (looking out for himself and the potential liability) rather than the people his friend could have murdered.
I would also consider calling the landlord in the hopes that he wouldn't renew their lease. Who would want to live next to such irresponsible people?
posted by parakeetdog at 1:12 PM on October 3, 2013
I would also consider calling the landlord in the hopes that he wouldn't renew their lease. Who would want to live next to such irresponsible people?
posted by parakeetdog at 1:12 PM on October 3, 2013
Your neighbor's status as a renter is irrelevant here; this has zero to do with his landlords.
But yeah, call the cops when you see a drunk driver: give them all the info you have --- the description of the car, the direction it was headed, anything else --- at the time. Calling them now would be pointless.
posted by easily confused at 1:13 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
But yeah, call the cops when you see a drunk driver: give them all the info you have --- the description of the car, the direction it was headed, anything else --- at the time. Calling them now would be pointless.
posted by easily confused at 1:13 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Fingersandtoes: it's not that it was not important to me to establish people's safety, it's that I was baffled and half-asleep myself when I was trying to figure out what to do. I have never been that close to an altercation like that before and I was worried about ending up making the situation worse?
posted by aecorwin at 1:17 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by aecorwin at 1:17 PM on October 3, 2013
Best answer: If I'm understanding this correctly, you didn't actually see anyone driving intoxicated, and you had no info about the vehicle, its driver, or where it was headed. I'm not sure how helpful a call that goes "An allegedly drunk driver just left from 123 North St. That's all I got." would be. Certainly you could have more strongly suggested your neighbor (who had much more info than you and was actually a witness) make the call, and if you had more info you would certainly want to make a call yourself, but I think I would not have made the call either, with the limited information you had at the time.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:21 PM on October 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Rock Steady at 1:21 PM on October 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I live in NYC and been bystander to a fair number of bizarre altercations. One thing I've learned is to yes, make the call (even if you are not an eyewitness or in possession of details) -- you will feel better! But do it privately in your home and don't share your actions with your neighbor. You do, after all, have to live next door to him and who knows what crazy-ass deal he has going with his "friend," particularly if his first impulse was to call a lawyer. And the landlord is irrelevant. Be a good citizen, but be careful!
posted by thinkpiece at 1:34 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by thinkpiece at 1:34 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I won't threadsit but just to clarify a few things:
- I did not see the driver leaving myself, I just heard a lot of honking and then the crunch of the other vehicle hitting my neighbor's truck as she drove away.
- I did not see what direction the driver left in. My neighbor would have known that for sure, though.
- The only thing I actually saw was the damage to the truck and the debris on the ground afterward.
- My neighbor has never been anything but friendly and polite to me. I have nothing against him at all, beyond now feeling slightly uneasy about the fact that he didn't call the cops right away. That aside, the only reason I was asking about possibly telling the property owner about the incident was so that it wouldn't come as a nasty shock to them if, say, they happened to show up to trim the bushes and the cops were there investigating.
posted by aecorwin at 1:44 PM on October 3, 2013
- I did not see the driver leaving myself, I just heard a lot of honking and then the crunch of the other vehicle hitting my neighbor's truck as she drove away.
- I did not see what direction the driver left in. My neighbor would have known that for sure, though.
- The only thing I actually saw was the damage to the truck and the debris on the ground afterward.
- My neighbor has never been anything but friendly and polite to me. I have nothing against him at all, beyond now feeling slightly uneasy about the fact that he didn't call the cops right away. That aside, the only reason I was asking about possibly telling the property owner about the incident was so that it wouldn't come as a nasty shock to them if, say, they happened to show up to trim the bushes and the cops were there investigating.
posted by aecorwin at 1:44 PM on October 3, 2013
The best policy is if you have any concern at all, call and let the police take it from there. They have experience and will decide what they think is their best course of action.
posted by Dansaman at 1:51 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Dansaman at 1:51 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
The next time you see a person driving recklessly into people's property in the middle of the night, call the cops. Ain't nobody got time for that.
posted by oceanjesse at 3:52 PM on October 3, 2013
posted by oceanjesse at 3:52 PM on October 3, 2013
Best answer: Don't be too hard on yourself for not calling this time. To paraphrase Maya Angelou, now that you know better, you can do better. Hopefully it won't happen again though.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 7:02 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by easy, lucky, free at 7:02 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
I absolutely agree with e,l,f above. Please don't beat yourself up about this but yes, report next time. You don't have a time machine, no-one does. You can only decide what to do next time and what happened this time will help.
posted by h00py at 8:14 AM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by h00py at 8:14 AM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]
For example, a while ago when I was unused to hearing people beat the shit out of each other I didn't call the police when someone was quite obviously being beaten up a few doors behind and away from me. It's stayed on my mind and I wouldn't hesitate to call the cops now if I heard anything similar.
Keep your ears out from now on, that's what you have learned from this.
posted by h00py at 8:18 AM on October 4, 2013
Keep your ears out from now on, that's what you have learned from this.
posted by h00py at 8:18 AM on October 4, 2013
Response by poster: Thanks, everyone. Marking this resolved. Pretty sure if anything like that happens again I WILL call the cops myself. Even if I don't have the details it'd be good to get someone over to check things out and assess the situation.
posted by aecorwin at 8:43 AM on October 7, 2013
posted by aecorwin at 8:43 AM on October 7, 2013
« Older At what point do you tell your parents you have a... | KaijuFilter - Attacked by Power Rangers Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:41 PM on October 3, 2013 [5 favorites]