How to Express a Dating Deal Breaker Respectfully
September 29, 2013 11:06 AM Subscribe
Later tonight I will be going on a second date with a new guy that seems like a promising fit. One thing he brought up during the first date is that he's about to go to Amsterdam for a few days and that while there he's looking forward to relaxing and smoking pot. Pot use is a deal breaker for me, but I want to make sure I have all the facts before I let him know that. How do I collect that info respectfully, and then let him know that pot's a deal breaker for me without sounding really weird?
posted by These Birds of a Feather to human relations (32 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Basically I plan to say something to the effect of, "Hey, so last time we hung out you mentioned that you're looking forward to Amsterdam and that you'll be smoking pot there. Is that something you do regularly, or just once in a while like 'when in Amsterdam'?" If he says it's something he only does once a year when he takes a trip with a certain group of friends, I think I can deal with that. What I don't know is how to respond if he does say "yeah I love weed, this is a big part of my life". Everything I've come up with so far sounds judgmental or patronizing and this guy is a cool dude and I don't want to impart that if I have to say, "Damn, you're super cool, but pot use isn't for me and it's not something I'm looking for in a partner."
Are there any other ways I could phrase this so that I don't sound really weird when asking about his usage or letting him know that I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship with him if he is a regular user?