Over-fragranced co-workers; HR hems and haws.
September 24, 2013 8:27 PM Subscribe
I need help. I understand this has been covered in Metaland; I even cut and pasted part of the prior posts when I left the worst offender a note. She promised to tone her perfume down; and she did for a bit. She was very sweet. Then she started popping microwave popcorn every day. (It's a large room with about 20 cubicles.) She's next to me and the smell makes me ill. I e-mailed HR, who said, "Get your supervisor involved" and "We'll bring it up at the next policy meeting." That'll be ten years. My supervisor retired this summer and I am waiting for the replacement person. We now have new people, one of who thinks it's OK to splash on after lunch. I am pretty desperate.
Thanks for any ideas, outside of one of those masks...which would certainly send a message....
HR doesn't want to get involved, and no supervisor in their right mind would start things off with a talk about microwaved popcorn.
Couldn't you just work it out between the two of you? Is anyone else put off by this behaviour?
What's worse, the popcorn or the perfume? If you focus on one battle you might win it, but you probably will lose both battles if you fight two.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:44 PM on September 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
Couldn't you just work it out between the two of you? Is anyone else put off by this behaviour?
What's worse, the popcorn or the perfume? If you focus on one battle you might win it, but you probably will lose both battles if you fight two.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:44 PM on September 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: It's not just one of them, it's a couple of them. It was agonizing to write the note to the coworker. I kept putting it off. I'm sensitive to smells, probably not allergic per se. (Although my eyes water and I have trouble thinking.)
posted by Prairie at 8:48 PM on September 24, 2013
posted by Prairie at 8:48 PM on September 24, 2013
I realize this is agonizing to address, but I think the only way you can do this respectfully is in person. It sounds like your co-workers are behaving relatively normally (e.g. popping popcorn and nomming at their desks) but you clearly are very adversely impacted.
If I was your cubicle-mate, I would feel a bit resentful and unhappy about a note, but would appreciate it if you came into my cubicle and said something like, "Arny, I'm really sensitive to odors. Sometimes they make my eyes water and make it difficult for me to think, I feel ill. Microwave popcorn and perfume are two things I'm pretty sensitive too. Can you help me think about possible solutions? I was thinking I could decrease my awareness by wearing a face mask at work, could you help me by only applying perfume once daily/eating your snack in the break room? Thank you so much - I really appreciate it."
Be friendly and tell them what the impact is on you. If they're fairly normal human beings, they'd like to know that what seems normal to them is actually terrible for you, and will limit the activities that cause reactions. However, by the same token, it might be good for you to seem like you're trying to meet them halfway (e.g. offering to wear a mask - not doing it as a passive-agressive thing but doing it to share the burden).
If it doesn't work out, or they aren't sympathetic to your concerns, ask your acting supervisor (surely you have someone temporary in authority, even if they are just signing timesheets/etc.) to swap you to a new cubicle.
Please, no notes...it is hard to imagine a note coming off as something other than passive-aggressive.
posted by arnicae at 9:04 PM on September 24, 2013 [15 favorites]
If I was your cubicle-mate, I would feel a bit resentful and unhappy about a note, but would appreciate it if you came into my cubicle and said something like, "Arny, I'm really sensitive to odors. Sometimes they make my eyes water and make it difficult for me to think, I feel ill. Microwave popcorn and perfume are two things I'm pretty sensitive too. Can you help me think about possible solutions? I was thinking I could decrease my awareness by wearing a face mask at work, could you help me by only applying perfume once daily/eating your snack in the break room? Thank you so much - I really appreciate it."
Be friendly and tell them what the impact is on you. If they're fairly normal human beings, they'd like to know that what seems normal to them is actually terrible for you, and will limit the activities that cause reactions. However, by the same token, it might be good for you to seem like you're trying to meet them halfway (e.g. offering to wear a mask - not doing it as a passive-agressive thing but doing it to share the burden).
If it doesn't work out, or they aren't sympathetic to your concerns, ask your acting supervisor (surely you have someone temporary in authority, even if they are just signing timesheets/etc.) to swap you to a new cubicle.
Please, no notes...it is hard to imagine a note coming off as something other than passive-aggressive.
posted by arnicae at 9:04 PM on September 24, 2013 [15 favorites]
"Hey, this is awkward for me to say, but I have a really hard time with fragrances like perfume, microwaved popcorn, and other things that don't bother most people. Can you please help me out by minimizing or even eliminating your use of those things? I recognize that it's inconvenient, but I am on the brink of vomiting or having an allergic reaction when I'm around these things and I don't want to subject you to that at all."
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 9:20 PM on September 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 9:20 PM on September 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
We now have new people, one of who thinks it's OK to splash on after lunch.Yes, this is because it actually is OK for her to do that.
The bottom line is that your sensitivity isn't going to be what everyone is used to--so if you want the best outcome, you're going to have to educate your coworkers about this and use your charisma and kindness to persuade them to change their behavior. You're the outlier in this situation, like it or not, and unless you can convince everyone else to come around to your way of thinking, you're not going to gain much traction.
So think about having lots of friendly face-to-face conversations. Think about finding an ally in one of your understanding colleagues and enlisting his/her help.
But HR isn't going to help much here. Everyone is acting pretty normally, even the colleague who uses cologne.
posted by yellowcandy at 9:21 PM on September 24, 2013 [15 favorites]
Response by poster: yellowcandy,
I thought fragrance-free workplaces were the new trend.
Clearly you haven't smelled that stinky, heavy, cloying fragrance, or you might chance your mind about whether it is really ok to reapply it. She might as well eat a tuna fish sandwich with mustard and onions.
I've already asked the main/most frequent popcorn lady if she would please pop in in the breakroom (but that would mean she'd have to walk 20 steps). I always thought popcorn was one of those forbidden foods in cubicle land. Now either she didn't hear, or she didn't pay any attention. As I mentioned, she is very sweet and may be the ally.
I got 3 heavily scented people, and 2 or 3 poppers.
posted by Prairie at 9:30 PM on September 24, 2013
I thought fragrance-free workplaces were the new trend.
Clearly you haven't smelled that stinky, heavy, cloying fragrance, or you might chance your mind about whether it is really ok to reapply it. She might as well eat a tuna fish sandwich with mustard and onions.
I've already asked the main/most frequent popcorn lady if she would please pop in in the breakroom (but that would mean she'd have to walk 20 steps). I always thought popcorn was one of those forbidden foods in cubicle land. Now either she didn't hear, or she didn't pay any attention. As I mentioned, she is very sweet and may be the ally.
I got 3 heavily scented people, and 2 or 3 poppers.
posted by Prairie at 9:30 PM on September 24, 2013
Mod note: OP, please do not threadsit. I know the office situation is frustrating, but this is not the place to vent about it. Just let people give suggestions; you can take the ones that seem useful and ignore the rest. Thanks.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:34 PM on September 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:34 PM on September 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
It really seems like you're making this a lot harder on yourself than you need to. If you've talked to them but can't tell if they even heard you, then you didn't effectively talk to them. Try again. And bear in mind that fragrance-free workplaces are a thing that happens somewhere, but nothing they are doing is actually something that's wrong. It doesn't work about you specifically, so they should be kind enough to fix it, but that's kindness and respect and collegiality, not the law. Show them the same kindness and respect and talk to them, like in an actual conversation. And ASK, don't tell. You have no authority to tell them what to do, but if you ask they will probably respond with kindness.
posted by c'mon sea legs at 9:35 PM on September 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by c'mon sea legs at 9:35 PM on September 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
Well, this is definitely YOUR problem.
While no one wants a cubemate who reeks from too much perfume, or too much BO, or whatever, I think when you want to stop people from making popcorn maybe you are crossing a boundary.
Were I your HR person, I would seriously be thinking
"OK do I want to have to police the grooming and snacking habits of 19 people, or get rid of one?"
I don't mean to deny the validity of your condition, but I would think even if this totally swung your way, do you really want to sit in that cube farm everyday knowing a fair portion of your mates are missing their popcorn or whatnot?
Everything can bend, but only so far.
posted by timsteil at 9:42 PM on September 24, 2013 [24 favorites]
While no one wants a cubemate who reeks from too much perfume, or too much BO, or whatever, I think when you want to stop people from making popcorn maybe you are crossing a boundary.
Were I your HR person, I would seriously be thinking
"OK do I want to have to police the grooming and snacking habits of 19 people, or get rid of one?"
I don't mean to deny the validity of your condition, but I would think even if this totally swung your way, do you really want to sit in that cube farm everyday knowing a fair portion of your mates are missing their popcorn or whatnot?
Everything can bend, but only so far.
posted by timsteil at 9:42 PM on September 24, 2013 [24 favorites]
Prairie, I'm with you - but also, I eat tuna fish sandwich with mustard and onions (and plenty of other stinky food) whenever I want at lunch. Sometimes I eat lunch at my desk while working. I won't have any idea you have an issue until you approach me.
I can feel the tension and frustration vibrating from your responses in-thread, please take time to compose yourself before you reach out next time. The thing you're shooting for is respect and appreciation.
I lived with a fragrance-sensitive housemate once, and the thing I found frustrating was her approach - she alone got to decide which products were allowed in the house (and believe me, she allowed some very smelly ones) and she approached it in a very dictatorial fashion. I'd encourage you to adopt a more relationship-oriented approach to your colleagues.
If you don't currently have a fragrance-free workplace, then your workplace is not fragrance-free. If you want to campaign for a policy change, do that - but until there is an actual policy in place, your coworker is doing nothing wrong by wearing perfume.
posted by arnicae at 9:43 PM on September 24, 2013 [17 favorites]
I can feel the tension and frustration vibrating from your responses in-thread, please take time to compose yourself before you reach out next time. The thing you're shooting for is respect and appreciation.
I lived with a fragrance-sensitive housemate once, and the thing I found frustrating was her approach - she alone got to decide which products were allowed in the house (and believe me, she allowed some very smelly ones) and she approached it in a very dictatorial fashion. I'd encourage you to adopt a more relationship-oriented approach to your colleagues.
If you don't currently have a fragrance-free workplace, then your workplace is not fragrance-free. If you want to campaign for a policy change, do that - but until there is an actual policy in place, your coworker is doing nothing wrong by wearing perfume.
posted by arnicae at 9:43 PM on September 24, 2013 [17 favorites]
You could buy pre-popped popcorn for the office and just bring it in. Sure, it's a cost to you, but so is suffering through the smells.
Perfume concerns are going to be best taken up with an in-person chat.
Good luck. I have a coworker who is a cologne fiend. We sit on completely opposite sides of the office so it rarely affects me, but when we do pass even briefly, like in the kitchen, I can basically taste him and it gets all up on me and the smell actually follows back into my office. So I really, really sympathize here.
posted by phunniemee at 9:45 PM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
Perfume concerns are going to be best taken up with an in-person chat.
Good luck. I have a coworker who is a cologne fiend. We sit on completely opposite sides of the office so it rarely affects me, but when we do pass even briefly, like in the kitchen, I can basically taste him and it gets all up on me and the smell actually follows back into my office. So I really, really sympathize here.
posted by phunniemee at 9:45 PM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
I have been in your shoes more than once, and I wish I had something, anything encouraging to say. Scented, scented, and scent-boosted everything is big money right now, and manufacturers are paying advertisers a fortune to convince everybody and his brother that his life isn't complete unless you can smell him coming from the next county with three clothespins over your nose. And for some reason, people tend to get attached to those things, and act like that last top coat of Axe is the soul of their first-born child or something.
One coworker I asked, "I'm having a little trouble breathing with the amount or perfume you have on; I was wondering if you'd mind trying wearing a little less?" She got about an inch from my face and said, "I'm not gonna REARRANGE my ENTIRE LIFE just for somebody's WHIM!" That's right - the amount of perfume (containing who knows what chemicals) she wore to work was "her entire life," and me taking life-giving oxygen into my body was "just a whim." So, that's what we're up against.
So, unfortunately, the only advice I can give leans toward getting out of the situation, because I despair of being able to get hostile workplaces changed when they're as bad as you describe, because I've never seen one improve.
What I worked toward, and was eventually able to find, was work in a small, super-liberal workplace. I know that's not something everyone can just go out and get in this economy, but I'd be keeping my resume polished up. If your business has space in another wing or the possibility of working remotely even a few days a week, maybe that could be a possibility. What's your boss's boss like? Is he/she more approachable/more willing to work for constructive solutions than HR? Can you take on more responsibilities that take you away from your desk and the offenders?
I lived with a fragrance-sensitive housemate once, and the thing I found frustrating was her approach - she alone got to decide which products were allowed in the house
To be fair, she alone was the one who knew which products made someone in the house physically ill, wasn't she? Unless I'm misunderstanding. Were there products that affected you physically that she refused to stop bringing in?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:28 PM on September 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
One coworker I asked, "I'm having a little trouble breathing with the amount or perfume you have on; I was wondering if you'd mind trying wearing a little less?" She got about an inch from my face and said, "I'm not gonna REARRANGE my ENTIRE LIFE just for somebody's WHIM!" That's right - the amount of perfume (containing who knows what chemicals) she wore to work was "her entire life," and me taking life-giving oxygen into my body was "just a whim." So, that's what we're up against.
So, unfortunately, the only advice I can give leans toward getting out of the situation, because I despair of being able to get hostile workplaces changed when they're as bad as you describe, because I've never seen one improve.
What I worked toward, and was eventually able to find, was work in a small, super-liberal workplace. I know that's not something everyone can just go out and get in this economy, but I'd be keeping my resume polished up. If your business has space in another wing or the possibility of working remotely even a few days a week, maybe that could be a possibility. What's your boss's boss like? Is he/she more approachable/more willing to work for constructive solutions than HR? Can you take on more responsibilities that take you away from your desk and the offenders?
I lived with a fragrance-sensitive housemate once, and the thing I found frustrating was her approach - she alone got to decide which products were allowed in the house
To be fair, she alone was the one who knew which products made someone in the house physically ill, wasn't she? Unless I'm misunderstanding. Were there products that affected you physically that she refused to stop bringing in?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:28 PM on September 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
I can't imagine requesting and having the entire office comply with this; as others have already mentioned, this is normal workplace behavior (eating lunch in the cubicle). Also remember that even if one person complies, there will always be new pple and nthing Arnicae (this may come across as you dictating what one can eat/not eat/wear/etc.)
So as an alternative solutions, I wonder if you could approach HR with one of these suggestions? I would do it and request it as a favor/and be extra nice, so that there are not negative consequences:
-Ask if the microwave can be moved to the break room (and not be in the middle of the room with employees)
-Ask if you can sit in a cube located (pick somewhere/least amt of pple/next to a window, etc.). If you approach it as "I get distracted/can get more work done", it may not be a big deal.
-As someone already mentioned, see if you can work from home a day or a few days a week (also use a rationale when requesting this/don't abuse it).
Also, if this is truly that much of a problem, why not look for another job? One with individual offices or isolated break and kitchen rooms, etc. I would not tell a potential employer that this what you are looking for, but check out the work place before accepting the new job.
posted by Wolfster at 10:46 PM on September 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
So as an alternative solutions, I wonder if you could approach HR with one of these suggestions? I would do it and request it as a favor/and be extra nice, so that there are not negative consequences:
-Ask if the microwave can be moved to the break room (and not be in the middle of the room with employees)
-Ask if you can sit in a cube located (pick somewhere/least amt of pple/next to a window, etc.). If you approach it as "I get distracted/can get more work done", it may not be a big deal.
-As someone already mentioned, see if you can work from home a day or a few days a week (also use a rationale when requesting this/don't abuse it).
Also, if this is truly that much of a problem, why not look for another job? One with individual offices or isolated break and kitchen rooms, etc. I would not tell a potential employer that this what you are looking for, but check out the work place before accepting the new job.
posted by Wolfster at 10:46 PM on September 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
I always thought popcorn was one of those forbidden foods in cubicle land.
Not anywhere that I worked. The only rule is not to BURN the popcorn. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to learn to adapt to some annoying smells at work until you get your own corner office. That's just life in a cubicle.
posted by empath at 11:20 PM on September 24, 2013 [7 favorites]
Not anywhere that I worked. The only rule is not to BURN the popcorn. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to learn to adapt to some annoying smells at work until you get your own corner office. That's just life in a cubicle.
posted by empath at 11:20 PM on September 24, 2013 [7 favorites]
People smell.
Essentially you are asking for a smell free workplace. What about people who smoke and then return to work? People who use too much fabric softener? Someone who uses hand cream? What about someone who farts? Mr. Bad Breath? Your problem is non-specific. You don't what to have a specific person make a change. You want everyone to change to your specifications.
Perhaps think about what you could do: HEPA filter by your desk? Moved to a less central location?
posted by 26.2 at 11:24 PM on September 24, 2013 [8 favorites]
Essentially you are asking for a smell free workplace. What about people who smoke and then return to work? People who use too much fabric softener? Someone who uses hand cream? What about someone who farts? Mr. Bad Breath? Your problem is non-specific. You don't what to have a specific person make a change. You want everyone to change to your specifications.
Perhaps think about what you could do: HEPA filter by your desk? Moved to a less central location?
posted by 26.2 at 11:24 PM on September 24, 2013 [8 favorites]
I have a kind of similar problem -- I'm super sensitive to sounds. Especially people talking, music with words, and so on. It makes it almost impossible for me to think or work, and frustrates me endlessly. It has meant that I just could not accept some jobs because of how the workspace was laid out.
Wearing perfume and popping popcorn are normal things, just like people talking. I don't think it's reasonable to ask people to stop wearing perfume or to stop popping popcorn unless this is an office-wide policy.
So having recognized that people talking around me is *my* problem, and not their problem, I started wearing firing-range earmuffs with white noise piped in. I am so much happier. I can get things done! People near me are happy that I'm not shushing people or glaring at them furiously. I have been careful to make sure people know I'm not trying to be passive aggressive about it -- that it's my problem and my solution and I'm just wired a bit oddly. I don't think anyone takes my (admittedly ridiculous-looking) solution the wrong way, with that established.
So if a mask would really help you -- I'd go for it. It's much easier to solve the problem for yourself than to ask an entire workspace to change its policies, especially if you are the only one who is having problems.
posted by ZeroDivides at 11:31 PM on September 24, 2013 [6 favorites]
Wearing perfume and popping popcorn are normal things, just like people talking. I don't think it's reasonable to ask people to stop wearing perfume or to stop popping popcorn unless this is an office-wide policy.
So having recognized that people talking around me is *my* problem, and not their problem, I started wearing firing-range earmuffs with white noise piped in. I am so much happier. I can get things done! People near me are happy that I'm not shushing people or glaring at them furiously. I have been careful to make sure people know I'm not trying to be passive aggressive about it -- that it's my problem and my solution and I'm just wired a bit oddly. I don't think anyone takes my (admittedly ridiculous-looking) solution the wrong way, with that established.
So if a mask would really help you -- I'd go for it. It's much easier to solve the problem for yourself than to ask an entire workspace to change its policies, especially if you are the only one who is having problems.
posted by ZeroDivides at 11:31 PM on September 24, 2013 [6 favorites]
It's a hard situation to be in, and I can definitely sympathize. During college, I had a roommate who used STRONG cologne. I'm somewhat sensitive to smells, too. Our solution was that he would put on his cologne in the bathroom, and I'd just try my best not to smell it too much.
It's stickier in a work environment. Maybe try a HEPA filter or some kind of desk decoration that has a neutral smell to cancel out the surrounding smells? Or, talk to a higher-up (not supervisor, if you don't have one right now) and see if you can move. However, do try talking to the co-worker about this first, and see from there - if you hadn't already. Who knows, it could lead to a consecutive conversation.
posted by dubious_dude at 11:53 PM on September 24, 2013
It's stickier in a work environment. Maybe try a HEPA filter or some kind of desk decoration that has a neutral smell to cancel out the surrounding smells? Or, talk to a higher-up (not supervisor, if you don't have one right now) and see if you can move. However, do try talking to the co-worker about this first, and see from there - if you hadn't already. Who knows, it could lead to a consecutive conversation.
posted by dubious_dude at 11:53 PM on September 24, 2013
looking at your posting history it sounds like you probably need to find a workplace that fits well with your health issues. a large office environment with many people, fragrances and an overstimulating environment sound like a perfect storm for you. you may not be able to find another job right away, but i'd seriously consider looking for work in a hospitable environment for your health. maybe you can do something working from home or working remotely or where you don't interact with others much. in the meantime are there any air purifier devices you can bring into your cubicle to clean the air? okay, here's one on amazon for $50 that looks like it would do the job and hopefully be an easy solution for you and your office mates: Honeywell Compact Air Purifier
posted by wildflower at 11:58 PM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by wildflower at 11:58 PM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
I hate the smell of coffee. I don't mean that I dislike it; I loathe it. Sometimes it makes me want to gag. To me the smell has the same appeal as burning plastic. I cross the street to avoid coffee shops. What can I say? I'm just weird like that.
But I can't reasonably expect people to adapt their lives to me. I can't imagine why, but it appears that most people love the smell.
I went through a phase where I think my resentment grew out of proportion to the offense. I was probably quite rude to a few people who (quite innocently) happened to be drinking the stuff near me. In social situations I made a big deal out of my the smell.
It's taken longer than it should, but I've come to acknowledge that this is not anyone else's problem. Other people's cooperation in making my life comfortable is not a right. The things that have gradually changed for me as a result of understanding this are:
(1) When I smell that smell, I do my best to ignore it, or at least minimise the degree to which I react to it. I think that to some extent I willed myself to feel nauseous in the past. Now that I've decided that it's my problem, the smell is much more 'just a bad smell' - if other people can tolerate working in a battery farm or a sewage plant, the smell of coffee isn't going to kill me. Really, it isn't.
(2) I can politely ask people not to drink coffee around me, but at the end of the day, this is my problem, so I'm not going to be rude about it. If people won't comply with my preference then I'm going to have to adapt to the situation as it stands.
(3) Ultimately, if I really can't adapt myself to the work environment, I need to find a different one. The office environment isn't for everyone. People with unusual sensitivities or very strong preferences are generally a bad fit for offices.
posted by pipeski at 2:20 AM on September 25, 2013 [6 favorites]
But I can't reasonably expect people to adapt their lives to me. I can't imagine why, but it appears that most people love the smell.
I went through a phase where I think my resentment grew out of proportion to the offense. I was probably quite rude to a few people who (quite innocently) happened to be drinking the stuff near me. In social situations I made a big deal out of my the smell.
It's taken longer than it should, but I've come to acknowledge that this is not anyone else's problem. Other people's cooperation in making my life comfortable is not a right. The things that have gradually changed for me as a result of understanding this are:
(1) When I smell that smell, I do my best to ignore it, or at least minimise the degree to which I react to it. I think that to some extent I willed myself to feel nauseous in the past. Now that I've decided that it's my problem, the smell is much more 'just a bad smell' - if other people can tolerate working in a battery farm or a sewage plant, the smell of coffee isn't going to kill me. Really, it isn't.
(2) I can politely ask people not to drink coffee around me, but at the end of the day, this is my problem, so I'm not going to be rude about it. If people won't comply with my preference then I'm going to have to adapt to the situation as it stands.
(3) Ultimately, if I really can't adapt myself to the work environment, I need to find a different one. The office environment isn't for everyone. People with unusual sensitivities or very strong preferences are generally a bad fit for offices.
posted by pipeski at 2:20 AM on September 25, 2013 [6 favorites]
I can be quite sensitive to smells - I have a strong aversion to bananas, and have had to politely ask colleagues to throw the peel in the kitchen bin rather than the one near my desk. It#s hard to do that without feeling like a fusspot, but a polite 'Sorry to be a dick, but the smell of them makes me really nauseated' is enough.
I sympathise as certain fragrances do give me a raging migraine (any of the Poison family will do it, and a lot of BPALs) - it's entirely possible it's the ingredients that are affecting you and not the application, as some perfumes are very heavy and I've got a headache from a single wrist spritz in the store. There's a certain brand of cigarette that does, too, and makes me grateful that I've never worked in a smoking office. But perfume is more personal than what people are eating - you can sit down and ask someone to lay off the application, and what they hear is 'I think you smell bad and the way you smell is a big problem to me'. While many offices have rules about food - we actually have a notice up in our kitchen regarding cooking fish or anything smelly - it will be really awkward for HR to have to discuss 'personal odour' with employees.
posted by mippy at 3:19 AM on September 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
I sympathise as certain fragrances do give me a raging migraine (any of the Poison family will do it, and a lot of BPALs) - it's entirely possible it's the ingredients that are affecting you and not the application, as some perfumes are very heavy and I've got a headache from a single wrist spritz in the store. There's a certain brand of cigarette that does, too, and makes me grateful that I've never worked in a smoking office. But perfume is more personal than what people are eating - you can sit down and ask someone to lay off the application, and what they hear is 'I think you smell bad and the way you smell is a big problem to me'. While many offices have rules about food - we actually have a notice up in our kitchen regarding cooking fish or anything smelly - it will be really awkward for HR to have to discuss 'personal odour' with employees.
posted by mippy at 3:19 AM on September 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
I have this desktop air purifier for my desk at work. It has helped with the woman who wears foul drugstore perfume in gallon quantities. I cleared it with my boss (it's small enough to be hidden by my monitor). I didn't bother to address it with the woman, because my coworkers would then delight in spraying the crap on my chair while I'm not there.
posted by winna at 3:29 AM on September 25, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by winna at 3:29 AM on September 25, 2013 [3 favorites]
There's a post on the blue about psychological reactance which may have some utility for you - essentially, anytime people feel that their liberties are being curtailed, they have, depending on their sensitivity, an aversion to complying. Phrasing, in particular, is singled out as having a negative impact - things like saying "must" or "need", for example.
I have a friend who's been you. I was you when I was pregnant. But I've also been your coworker. For me, it was kimchi lunches.
When people said things like "Whoa! You're stinking up the office!" it made me more resistant to leaving behind my delicious kimchi. People saying, "Hey, when you bring that it's a reallly strong scent, sometimes it flavors my food too, can you try to bring it a little less maybe?" would have a good reaction. Same with when I was pregnant and needed accomodations - asking people if they could try made them feel good about it when they didn't bring the smelly thing.
Maybe try asking people if they can try wearing things a little less, rather than (it sounds) insisting that they change. When you get at the point that you're contacting HR about popcorn eating, you're a bridge too far.
posted by corb at 4:55 AM on September 25, 2013 [10 favorites]
I have a friend who's been you. I was you when I was pregnant. But I've also been your coworker. For me, it was kimchi lunches.
When people said things like "Whoa! You're stinking up the office!" it made me more resistant to leaving behind my delicious kimchi. People saying, "Hey, when you bring that it's a reallly strong scent, sometimes it flavors my food too, can you try to bring it a little less maybe?" would have a good reaction. Same with when I was pregnant and needed accomodations - asking people if they could try made them feel good about it when they didn't bring the smelly thing.
Maybe try asking people if they can try wearing things a little less, rather than (it sounds) insisting that they change. When you get at the point that you're contacting HR about popcorn eating, you're a bridge too far.
posted by corb at 4:55 AM on September 25, 2013 [10 favorites]
I always thought popcorn was one of those forbidden foods in cubicle land.
As a data point, I worked in an office where microwave popcorn was forbidden - by the CEO - because he hated the smell. Had an employee requested the ban, they probably would have been fired. Not fair at all, but as someone else said, HR isn't EVER going to be all, "Let's issue a bunch of arbitrary regulations based on the needs of this one person" unless you have a serious ADA issue that requires accommodations.
You will probably be much happier in a different work environment.
posted by polly_dactyl at 6:00 AM on September 25, 2013 [3 favorites]
As a data point, I worked in an office where microwave popcorn was forbidden - by the CEO - because he hated the smell. Had an employee requested the ban, they probably would have been fired. Not fair at all, but as someone else said, HR isn't EVER going to be all, "Let's issue a bunch of arbitrary regulations based on the needs of this one person" unless you have a serious ADA issue that requires accommodations.
You will probably be much happier in a different work environment.
posted by polly_dactyl at 6:00 AM on September 25, 2013 [3 favorites]
My boss wears enough perfume that it has repeatedly caused me to need my rescue inhaler. As soon as she walks in, my eyes start to water and I start to cough and sneeze. Her perfume is strong enough that I often taste it in my mouth. I have asked her several times to wear less perfume when she comes in, but she says "Oh, I don't wear a lot!" I honestly don't understand people who wear strong scents or microwave food that lingers in common areas.
I totally sympathize with your situation, but you can't make people be considerate. If HR is unwilling to get involved, you can opt to suffer through it, ask to be moved, or find a new job.
posted by crankylex at 6:17 AM on September 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
I totally sympathize with your situation, but you can't make people be considerate. If HR is unwilling to get involved, you can opt to suffer through it, ask to be moved, or find a new job.
posted by crankylex at 6:17 AM on September 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
You have my heartfelt sympathy. I, too, am exquisitely sensitive to fragrances (an allergist's diagnosis). Have you tried charcoal filter masks? These gave me relief and reminded others that I was affected by scents.
posted by Carol Anne at 6:44 AM on September 25, 2013
posted by Carol Anne at 6:44 AM on September 25, 2013
People don't often know how strong their perfume is, as the nose becomes accustomed to it over a few hours. Until I realised this, I used to really overapply the stuff as a teenager because I wanted to be able to smell it on myself. They don't know they're a walking sillage bomb.
posted by mippy at 6:59 AM on September 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by mippy at 6:59 AM on September 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm in the "the only person whose behavior you can control is yourself" camp here. I'm not unsympathetic to what you're dealing with (I once had a deskmate who ate some sort of hot shrimp dish every day at lunch, right next to me, and would call his family and GIGGLE for what felt like hours as he ate it ... this was 13 years ago now and still makes me twitch a little), but trying to dictate other people's behaviors based on what you think should be policy is only going to make you miserable.
Try to remember that these folks aren't popping popcorn at you, or wearing scents as a deliberate affront to you; sometimes I get in that kind of mindset when my neighbors play their music loudly, and all it does is make the noise all the more aggravating and un-ignorable to me. I think you'll feel better if you let go of trying to control of things you can't control, try to assume the best of your coworkers, and focus on things you can change. The idea of an air purifier at your desk is a great one, as is the idea of working from home or moving desks if possible, and hey, if face masks help then go for it.
Finally, could you try to time your lunches or breaks to coincide with your coworker's popcorn time? If you don't have to sit and stew in the aroma you'll probably be happier.
posted by DingoMutt at 9:48 AM on September 25, 2013
Try to remember that these folks aren't popping popcorn at you, or wearing scents as a deliberate affront to you; sometimes I get in that kind of mindset when my neighbors play their music loudly, and all it does is make the noise all the more aggravating and un-ignorable to me. I think you'll feel better if you let go of trying to control of things you can't control, try to assume the best of your coworkers, and focus on things you can change. The idea of an air purifier at your desk is a great one, as is the idea of working from home or moving desks if possible, and hey, if face masks help then go for it.
Finally, could you try to time your lunches or breaks to coincide with your coworker's popcorn time? If you don't have to sit and stew in the aroma you'll probably be happier.
posted by DingoMutt at 9:48 AM on September 25, 2013
The problem is you and you should frame your communications accordingly. Approach HR and ask if you an be moved to a desk more out of the way due to your extreme sensitivity to smells. Popping popcorn and spraying on some perfume after a lunch break are totally in the realm of normal and those people DO NOT need to accomodate you. You need to accomodate you as noone else is at fault.
posted by WeekendJen at 10:06 AM on September 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by WeekendJen at 10:06 AM on September 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
Is your problem with some or all of these scents a medical problem for you? At the root of the fragrance-free workplace thing is the fact that for many people, chemical fragrances cause allergic reactions like trouble breathing. If your office neighbours' perfume gives you trouble breathing, makes you cough, or causes other allergy symptoms, you should definitely ask HR about making your workplace fragrance-free. You could cite other examples of fragrance-free office policies, you could bring in any evidence you might have of your reactions from a doctor or allergist, or perhaps you could visit HR at a time when you are experiencing symptoms. Some people are very attached to their perfume, but if this is a health and safety issue for you, then it's not just your problem, and hopefully your workplace can help you to deal with that.
However, I've never heard of a medical problem with the smell of popcorn popping. It sounds like you just really hate that smell. Sorry, but that problem is on you. It is a strong smell, and you'll probably smell the popcorn even if your neighbour pops it in the break room. Unless your problems with food smells are medical in nature (eg. an allergy to peanuts that is triggered by the smell of peanuts), it does not seem reasonable for you to determine what it's ok or not ok for your co-workers to eat. Tuna sandwiches included.
I also think that you will have better luck with getting people to tone down or stop their use of chemical scents if you leave their popcorn habits alone.
posted by snorkmaiden at 10:47 AM on September 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
However, I've never heard of a medical problem with the smell of popcorn popping. It sounds like you just really hate that smell. Sorry, but that problem is on you. It is a strong smell, and you'll probably smell the popcorn even if your neighbour pops it in the break room. Unless your problems with food smells are medical in nature (eg. an allergy to peanuts that is triggered by the smell of peanuts), it does not seem reasonable for you to determine what it's ok or not ok for your co-workers to eat. Tuna sandwiches included.
I also think that you will have better luck with getting people to tone down or stop their use of chemical scents if you leave their popcorn habits alone.
posted by snorkmaiden at 10:47 AM on September 25, 2013 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: A couple more bits of information: I've been seriously looking for a another job for a year. Between my bipolar disorder, PTSD, (both dxed by an MD), Aspbergers (suspect but not yet dxed), and sensory processing issues (a no-brainer to figure out after I read about it), stuff like the above described just JUMPS OUT at me. I am highly motivated to get out. Sorry I didn't put that all in there; my sleep meds were kicking in. I hope that helps. Also, I'd love to move. Great idea that would probably be shot down because of many reasons I don't have time to go into.
posted by Prairie at 11:02 AM on September 25, 2013
posted by Prairie at 11:02 AM on September 25, 2013
I love the smell of popcorn itself, but the buttered variety smells rancid to me. It's reasonable to ask that the microwave be moved to the break room. An air filter will likely help, even a small fan may help. I love the smell of ground cardamom. When I worked with a student who smelled horrid I carried a container of cardamom to sniff as often as possible. I also carry it as scent therapy sometimes.
The more you notice and react to the annoyances, the more you strengthen your response. Try some calming affirmations: I'll adjust to the popcorn smell soon. Terry doesn't realize how strong that scent is. One thing about talking to HR is that you should be able to take a short walk when there's fresh perfume or popcorn smell, and that should help.
A lot of people respond to strong scent, and I have worked 2 places that addressed it - they just politely asked people to consider others when applying scent, but it did help.
posted by theora55 at 12:04 PM on September 25, 2013
The more you notice and react to the annoyances, the more you strengthen your response. Try some calming affirmations: I'll adjust to the popcorn smell soon. Terry doesn't realize how strong that scent is. One thing about talking to HR is that you should be able to take a short walk when there's fresh perfume or popcorn smell, and that should help.
A lot of people respond to strong scent, and I have worked 2 places that addressed it - they just politely asked people to consider others when applying scent, but it did help.
posted by theora55 at 12:04 PM on September 25, 2013
So, I hear you. I really, really do.
One thing I try to keep in mind is that my coworkers are generally nice people and they honestly don't want to give me headaches/force me to smell things I don't want to smell, or annoy me with their sounds. This doesn't sound like one person doing something disruptive, but rather that you find your work environment disruptive.
Ask to move your desk. I don't think it's rude to ask your coworkers to not spray perfume at their desks or to pop popcorn in the break room, as long as you are asking them as a favor to you, and extend the same courtesy to them.
posted by inertia at 12:39 PM on September 25, 2013
One thing I try to keep in mind is that my coworkers are generally nice people and they honestly don't want to give me headaches/force me to smell things I don't want to smell, or annoy me with their sounds. This doesn't sound like one person doing something disruptive, but rather that you find your work environment disruptive.
Ask to move your desk. I don't think it's rude to ask your coworkers to not spray perfume at their desks or to pop popcorn in the break room, as long as you are asking them as a favor to you, and extend the same courtesy to them.
posted by inertia at 12:39 PM on September 25, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by barnone at 8:32 PM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]