What to do when a supervisor is facing dementia?
September 23, 2013 4:17 PM   Subscribe

One of my friends has a supervisor (director of a non-profit) that is showing major signs of dementia. He forgets what happens in meetings, doesn't do tasks he is supposed to do, forgets what keys are to be used for which locks, etc. It is hurting the organization, and hurting her in particular because it is causing her to have major burnout taking care of everything going wrong. She is also worried about how she can get him to take better care of himself, and recognize/treat what is happening. He is married with no kids. What should/can she do? FWIW this is in Texas. *Let's assume we know there is a real cognitive decline, not just stress, etc.
posted by powerbumpkin to Human Relations (16 answers total)
 
Are you friends with his wife? Is it possible to tell her you're worried about him?

(I bet he knows he has dementia and has been trying to cover it up for a long time. It is scary!)
posted by small_ruminant at 4:28 PM on September 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Poor guy. She should be documenting what's going on in writing.
Can she discuss this decline with his spouse? Regardless, the next step should be meeting with the board of directors.
posted by Snazzy67 at 4:30 PM on September 23, 2013


IANAL. This is just the opinion of some stranger from the internet.
I gather he has no supervisor? Your friend has two choices: she can go through her supervisor's spouse, or she can go through the board of directors. Either way, she owes it to the organization and to herself to address this directly and honestly - although it's possible to accommodate people with cognitive disabilities in many workplaces, it requires that the employee actively pursue a solution, and clearly her supervisor isn't doing so.

There is such stigma associated with cognitive disability, I really sympathize with your friend and her supervisor, but covering for him is going to end badly for both of them, and I don't see she has much choice. Talking to the spouse is a mixed bag: might be the spouse can talk the supervisor into telling the directors he needs help, or might be the spouse is defensive or in denial or equally cognitively impaired. It also tips her hand - talking to the board of directors is an irrevocable step towards having her supervisor removed, and of course if they don't believe her, she is emperiling her job and reputation. If the spouse reacts defensively, and goes to the board first, then your friend is at a disadvantage. So I'd go with documenting everything and then talking to the spouse and being prepared to go straight to the board thereafter.
posted by gingerest at 4:34 PM on September 23, 2013


This is work? Don't talk to his wife, unless she's the director of the organization. Talk to your board. Document everything; don't lie or cover things up.

It's a beautiful empathetic response that you friend wants to make sure her boss is getting good care, but that is not the appropriate role for her in this situation.
posted by crush-onastick at 4:44 PM on September 23, 2013 [11 favorites]


I would contact the nonprofit's board of directors, they have a right to be aware of this and a responsibility to address the problem. I can't imagine any other kind or appropriate manner to handle this. (from the perspective of a former Director of a non-profit who watched his predecessor deal with major medical problems for about 3 years (as I was assistant director) and had to negotiate this with the Board).
posted by HuronBob at 5:51 PM on September 23, 2013


I have a similar question in my ask history with some helpful advice from parmanparman...on my phone now, can't link.
posted by skbw at 7:07 PM on September 23, 2013


Here's skbw's question.
posted by gingerest at 7:09 PM on September 23, 2013


What a sad, difficult situation. You say this is hurting the organization--the board needs to know. They need to know so they can fulfill their responsibility and start dealing with the situation. That is their job. Hopefully they will do it with compassion and tact, and your friend can certainly encourage them in that direction, but the bottom line is, the board needs to know.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:51 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Non-profits have boards, to whom the directors are responsible. Time to meet some of them, informally, and give them a heads up.
posted by LarryC at 9:10 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


FYI Dementia can be caused by undiagnosed infections, in particular UTIs. Encouraging his spouse to schedule him a physical might solve the problem.
posted by johngumbo at 9:48 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


To add (from personal experience) to what others say about the board. If it's a genuine, functional board, that's one thing. But IME, if the board was a functional board, matters would never have gotten this far.

It is a very sad situation. But if the board is going to hem and haw, then she needs to start looking for another job.

It would take a rare board member to step up and be the bad guy and say "Mr. So-and-So has to go." She shouldn't count on this happening at ALL.

Don't go to his wife unless a medical emergency crops up. This is business, and even decades of good relations will not mean much when one's spouse is sick.

While I did not word my linked question very well, you can see from comments there that the whole thing is an uphill battle. What I should have said initially there is "my boss is senile, or getting there fast, so help." Lots of people came in to tell me that working for someone senile is no different than working for an irresponsible 40-year-old. She shouldn't be surprised if she gets more or less that response, with some sympathetic clucking, from the board. They don't HAVE to be invested. They make a living elsewhere.

She should take care of herself. This is very, very sad, but it is in no way her problem.
posted by skbw at 5:15 AM on September 24, 2013


To respond to gingerest's point about the board not believing her: for me, the bigger worry would be that the board DOES NOT CARE. "After all, Mr. X. has such great people working for him, let him retire when he's ready. He'll be there soon, I'm sure, we trust him, we go back a long way."
posted by skbw at 5:22 AM on September 24, 2013


We dealt with a similar situation at my last job, compounded by the fact that the individual involved was not at all elderly--she was only in her early 60s--so there were many layers of denial from coworkers, bosses, her spouse, etc.

It is really, really hard and sad, but your friend does need to take this up the chain. The executives at my company put a number of safeguards in place that made my coworker's continued tenure possible for some time, without burning out/overburdening any support staff members. To counteract skbw's concerns, which are totally valid, your friend might work to develop some of these safeguards herself, so that the board merely has to approve of them and provide whatever implementation support is needed.

I believe the coworker in my old company was eventually put on "extended" (read: indefinite) medical leave, after she became lost trying to commute to work and disappeared for most of a day. (Like I said, really, really hard and sad.) Firing outright, or forced retirement, may not be the sole options available to your friend's board.
posted by like_a_friend at 10:24 AM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


skbw's point (about the different responses from a functional and a dysfunctional board) is well worth noting. I've witnessed both types. The OP's friend should attempt to figure out which she is dealing with before she goes to them. However, even if she knows it's a dysfunctional board, she should still tell them.

Ideally, she would be able to get her concerns documented in the minutes of a board meeting; at least that way the people who are (ultimately) responsible for the organization as a whole will know about it. Her position at the moment is untenable. She'll also know if she needs to find another position elsewhere--which is what she should do ASAP if it looks like the board is going to do nothing.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:37 AM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Besides UTIs, two different people in my life had "dementia" as they got older that turned out to be bad medicine interactions. Their MDs blew it off as age, but when they got better MDs, they sorted it out and they're perfectly fine, if still overly liable to fall for sales pitches, especially as regards technology- but then that does seem to be a feature of older generations across the board.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:47 AM on September 24, 2013


I think there may be a lot of wisdom re: the UTI explanation. BUT that is the board's job, i.e., the responsibility of her boss's superiors, not hers. If anyone goes to the wife and says, "hey, let him get screened for a UTI," let it be a board member, not her.

It sounds heartless to do it this way. But nonprofits especially tend to forget that all this is just business. She shouldn't forget that.
posted by skbw at 12:59 PM on September 24, 2013


« Older GoodReads Replacement?   |   Does housing inventory correlate with price? Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.