Am I the type that always wants what I don't have?
September 23, 2013 7:55 AM Subscribe
I'm dating someone fantastic, but I feel nothing.
posted by facehugger to human relations (16 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I'm dating a guy who's funny, handsome, smart, so nice, and is really into me. I've known him for 4 months and we've been dating for almost two months now, but because of an exam he's studying for we've only been on 3 dates. We've made an effort to be in contact, though, so we've been calling each other every few days.
The problem is with me. In the last two dates we started messing around, and...I feel like I should be feeling something. When we make out it's almost technical for me, and I start treating it like a learning exercise (I'm 20, and this is only the second relationship I've been in). All I feel are his hands on me, not the sparks of love and vulnerability that I expect, or have been told to expect.
Because if I continue this relationship, I hope it doesn't become like my first one. I spent a week pining after a guy, asked him out, and for the duration of our very short relationship those feelings left and curdled into boredom.
I like to think that I'm the type that just takes a long time to get used to someone. Or maybe I'm never going to be attracted to this dude. But what if I'm the type that always wants what I don't have?
For a week and a half he was AWOL due to a family emergency, but I didn't know because he wasn't returning my texts. I like being clear and definite, especially in terms of relationships with others, and this state of limbo was driving me crazy. I was consumed with thoughts of him, he was in my dreams. I have to admit that part of all this craziness was that I hadn't been attracted to someone for so many years and because I've wanted to be in a relationship for some time. I kept texting him, so the guy came back thinking I was as invested in the relationship as he was.
And he's invested. He called me a few days ago, a little late at night, just to say he was increasingly getting hooked on me. It was sweet, but a little intimidating, when I couldn't say the same back to him. When he came back, I no longer felt consumed by thoughts of him. Where are those feelings when I actually need them?
Up to this point my MO is that maybe if I keep being in contact with him, the feelings will gradually come. And it's not that I feel absolutely nothing - I love hanging out with him, and the first time we held hands I did feel a small thrill.
I need to make a decision soon as to whether we should keep on dating, because he's falling quickly for me, and I don't want to leave him devastated. Have you ever been in a similar situation? What should I do?
Thank you so much!