Why do you make me so mad?
September 19, 2013 6:29 PM Subscribe
There is someone in my circle of friends who I dislike, and recently I have become increasingly preoccupied by that dislike, to the point where it's actually making me uncomfortable. What's going on here? How do I cut this out?
posted by anonymous to human relations (19 answers total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
I thought about listing all of the reasons I do not like this person, but I think they're basically beside the point. Suffice it to say, they are fairly smug and obnoxious and dismissive of others' opinions, and I am not the only person who dislikes them.
However, recently, thoughts such as "ugh, fuck that person, why are they LIKE that" have been popping into my head, like... almost every day. That is way, way more brainspace than I ought to be devoting to pointless hatred. Partly this is because we're Facebook friends, so I see their posts- and, since realizing how weirdly anti-this-person I'd become, I have blocked them from my feed, which should help. I only see them in person once or twice a month, usually.
The thing is, this person is not all bad- I used to get along with them just fine, and in person I still do- and most of the things they post are just... normal stuff. And I don't know why, or when, I went from thinking "man that person I know has some shitty opinions, whatever" to "ugh I fucking HATE them SO MUCH."
I am generally not like this at all. In fact I usually go out of my way to try and empathize with other people, even when others aren't doing so.
Maybe it's because I perceive them to be successful in some way that I'm not, and I resent their ability to get what I want even with a bad personality. Maybe I'm making them play the role of every bad person in the whole world and directing all my collected ire onto them. Maybe I'm kinda lonely and bored and it's easier to hate them than to hate myself. Maybe it's just that I was sheltered before and have genuinely have never had a 'friend' I felt this way about and I don't know how to handle it. It could be any or none of these reasons, I honestly don't know! And it's driving me crazy!
Is there any way to tease out just where this extreme antipathy came from? And is there any way I can stop it from happening? Has this type of out-of-nowhere borderline hatred ever happened to anybody else? I'm a fucking grownup (well, mid-20s) and this is just completely ridiculous and petty.