I need a reality check about a Krazy Kat Lady situation.
September 19, 2013 8:16 AM Subscribe
A lady asked me to adopt a foster kitten. I did. Now, the lady is freaking out about the cat. She is also a co-worker. Boom goes the dynamite, and details within.
Friends, I need both advice as to how to handle the situation and a reality check.
Kitten background. Adorable fattening comedian around the six month mark. I have two other cats. Believe me, the number three was the reason why I said no at first, and then when this lady hit the wall in terms adopting the Little Guy (LG), I said yes. I have a ginger tabby (GT), middle-aged, who wants nothing to do with no other cats. But, she's peacefully co-existed with my elderly kitty (EK) for years, so I expected a rocky adjustment at first, then peace.
So, the first major event is discovering that the kitten is allergic to something. Fleas, the vet tells me, account for 80% of infestations, so I'm aware that it's likely that. But also of note is that the vet has examined all three cats on multiple times (the GT only once, the other two two plus visits).
If I don't catch LG licking at himself (when he's itchy; he isn't presently and hasn't been for two plus weeks) he can do some pretty alarming damage to his body by licking at a patch. So, in both periods of itchiness, I put a cone on his head, put antibiotic cream on the sore parts, and got him to the vet. I actually was sorta thinking aside from my stupidity below, I was handling it pretty well. I got him to the vet quickly, prevented him from hurting himself worse as soon as I caught sight of it (which would happen, like, within a most a few hours of it happening -- I'm around all the time).
Here is my stupid part. It is stupid. After my vet gave LG a hydrocort. shot for his period of itchiness, she said, here's some brands you can get at Rite Aid. So, I went to Rite Aid, saw they had one flea thing that was not the brand but was what the vet described (i.e., back of the neck, and not flea collars), saw that it was for cats, and put it on my other two. Followed the directions, of course.
This is still the stupid part, if you are wondering, but it was sort of assisted by this lady's assertion of certain things which turned out to not be true. For example, this lady said that I would know if I had fleas if they jumped from the cats to me. Didn't happen. Still haven't seen a flea. So I mentioned this to the lady (we have been in close touch, as until earlier in this week I considered her my friend, and somebody I trusted enough to edit my writing) and she suggested that the mere hydrocort administration alleviated the problem. So I was playing fast and loose with the time for the redosing, believing that I guess things were magically okay.
Poor Little Guy got itchy again. Went back to the vet. The lady came along, and formed an impression I found out this week that I was lying to the vet about what I had done/not done. I never had the intention to mislead the vet. I honestly don't know what the lady is talking about. At any rate, I went back to Rite Aide, paid better attention, and have more stuff ordered from online. So LG, if fleas are his problem, that will have been solved unless I have to yet unlock another crucial piece of flea knowledge -- I know the brand, and when and how to administer it. If it's not fleas, well, it will be expensive, which is concerning, but that bridge is at least two months in the distance. At any rate, the lady is now convinced it is fleas, so the fact that I am not rolling in dough doesn't seem to be what's going on here in terms of what happened next.
Anyway, this lady, at work (she's a tutor and I teach) pretty much freaked out at me without raising her voice. She would say, but you, notFordMaddoxFord, said one thing two months ago and then you take it back so which is the truth and I was basically like whoa. And then she said I have another friend who will take better care of the cat, and again I was like whoa. All I know after days of obsessing over this conversation is that she is a) Worried about LG b) Having problems sleeping because of it and c) All worries relate to the flea thing except maybe this weird Feliaway/payday problem that -- and it's sort of a long story involving a month of Feliaway lasting like two weeks because it comes out of the dispenser too fast, and I thought it would last longer (and when I had Feliaway, peace reigned unless the itchy LG acted out by too much chasing of the other cats). Feliaway will be here by Monday at the latest. And I am here just, most of the time, when there's too much chasing I separate the gang briefly.
ANYWAY I have issues related to a controlling, narcissistic mother, whose anxieties go from making her having a bias about things to having an alternate reality that makes her The One Who is Right. So, my friends, I ain't lying about crying for hours, not being able to make it inside before crying (which is an issue as I teach in the hood and I'm sure a few of my students saw me and were like ???). Now I am freaked to interact with this lady again -- thank Jebus I only see her once a week, and when I do she sits about fifteen feet away from a class that I teach. I mean, I guess I"ll shut my door so I won't be evaluating how wrong my words must sound in the ears of this lady (who has taught for many years and has Opinions about Many Things, including cat care).
So: TL, DR. If I am a cat abuser/neglector who does not finally have this flea shit figured out, please tell me. If it seems like yeah this lady was a giant asshole but she's a correct giant asshole, please tell me. I want to put the cat's welfare over my issues. Second, what are some by the book polite ways to deal with somebody at the workplace that you really do not want in your business?
Friends, I need both advice as to how to handle the situation and a reality check.
Kitten background. Adorable fattening comedian around the six month mark. I have two other cats. Believe me, the number three was the reason why I said no at first, and then when this lady hit the wall in terms adopting the Little Guy (LG), I said yes. I have a ginger tabby (GT), middle-aged, who wants nothing to do with no other cats. But, she's peacefully co-existed with my elderly kitty (EK) for years, so I expected a rocky adjustment at first, then peace.
So, the first major event is discovering that the kitten is allergic to something. Fleas, the vet tells me, account for 80% of infestations, so I'm aware that it's likely that. But also of note is that the vet has examined all three cats on multiple times (the GT only once, the other two two plus visits).
If I don't catch LG licking at himself (when he's itchy; he isn't presently and hasn't been for two plus weeks) he can do some pretty alarming damage to his body by licking at a patch. So, in both periods of itchiness, I put a cone on his head, put antibiotic cream on the sore parts, and got him to the vet. I actually was sorta thinking aside from my stupidity below, I was handling it pretty well. I got him to the vet quickly, prevented him from hurting himself worse as soon as I caught sight of it (which would happen, like, within a most a few hours of it happening -- I'm around all the time).
Here is my stupid part. It is stupid. After my vet gave LG a hydrocort. shot for his period of itchiness, she said, here's some brands you can get at Rite Aid. So, I went to Rite Aid, saw they had one flea thing that was not the brand but was what the vet described (i.e., back of the neck, and not flea collars), saw that it was for cats, and put it on my other two. Followed the directions, of course.
This is still the stupid part, if you are wondering, but it was sort of assisted by this lady's assertion of certain things which turned out to not be true. For example, this lady said that I would know if I had fleas if they jumped from the cats to me. Didn't happen. Still haven't seen a flea. So I mentioned this to the lady (we have been in close touch, as until earlier in this week I considered her my friend, and somebody I trusted enough to edit my writing) and she suggested that the mere hydrocort administration alleviated the problem. So I was playing fast and loose with the time for the redosing, believing that I guess things were magically okay.
Poor Little Guy got itchy again. Went back to the vet. The lady came along, and formed an impression I found out this week that I was lying to the vet about what I had done/not done. I never had the intention to mislead the vet. I honestly don't know what the lady is talking about. At any rate, I went back to Rite Aide, paid better attention, and have more stuff ordered from online. So LG, if fleas are his problem, that will have been solved unless I have to yet unlock another crucial piece of flea knowledge -- I know the brand, and when and how to administer it. If it's not fleas, well, it will be expensive, which is concerning, but that bridge is at least two months in the distance. At any rate, the lady is now convinced it is fleas, so the fact that I am not rolling in dough doesn't seem to be what's going on here in terms of what happened next.
Anyway, this lady, at work (she's a tutor and I teach) pretty much freaked out at me without raising her voice. She would say, but you, notFordMaddoxFord, said one thing two months ago and then you take it back so which is the truth and I was basically like whoa. And then she said I have another friend who will take better care of the cat, and again I was like whoa. All I know after days of obsessing over this conversation is that she is a) Worried about LG b) Having problems sleeping because of it and c) All worries relate to the flea thing except maybe this weird Feliaway/payday problem that -- and it's sort of a long story involving a month of Feliaway lasting like two weeks because it comes out of the dispenser too fast, and I thought it would last longer (and when I had Feliaway, peace reigned unless the itchy LG acted out by too much chasing of the other cats). Feliaway will be here by Monday at the latest. And I am here just, most of the time, when there's too much chasing I separate the gang briefly.
ANYWAY I have issues related to a controlling, narcissistic mother, whose anxieties go from making her having a bias about things to having an alternate reality that makes her The One Who is Right. So, my friends, I ain't lying about crying for hours, not being able to make it inside before crying (which is an issue as I teach in the hood and I'm sure a few of my students saw me and were like ???). Now I am freaked to interact with this lady again -- thank Jebus I only see her once a week, and when I do she sits about fifteen feet away from a class that I teach. I mean, I guess I"ll shut my door so I won't be evaluating how wrong my words must sound in the ears of this lady (who has taught for many years and has Opinions about Many Things, including cat care).
So: TL, DR. If I am a cat abuser/neglector who does not finally have this flea shit figured out, please tell me. If it seems like yeah this lady was a giant asshole but she's a correct giant asshole, please tell me. I want to put the cat's welfare over my issues. Second, what are some by the book polite ways to deal with somebody at the workplace that you really do not want in your business?
You've had cats before and you know how to handle them. You took LG to the vet when he was itchy, put a cone on him so he couldn't cause more damage to himself, and are posting this question on metafilter. You seem to know the right things to do and genuinely want to help LG get better. You seem like a good cat owner.
Coworker's interest in this kitty should be minimal at this point, if this is an actual adoption and not a fostering situation. She needs to butt out and you should probably reconsider letting her know the ins and outs of LG's recovery. If the vet is telling Coworker this information, tell him/her to stop. If Coworker asks how LG is, say "Kitty is great!" and stop the conversation. It's your life, money, time, etc. that are now invested into LG and her drama isn't helping anyone.
posted by Flamingo at 8:24 AM on September 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
Coworker's interest in this kitty should be minimal at this point, if this is an actual adoption and not a fostering situation. She needs to butt out and you should probably reconsider letting her know the ins and outs of LG's recovery. If the vet is telling Coworker this information, tell him/her to stop. If Coworker asks how LG is, say "Kitty is great!" and stop the conversation. It's your life, money, time, etc. that are now invested into LG and her drama isn't helping anyone.
posted by Flamingo at 8:24 AM on September 19, 2013 [5 favorites]
I am pretty confused here. What's the problem? You stated that her "freak out" to you was: "She would say, but you, notFordMaddoxFord, said one thing two months ago and then you take it back so which is the truth and I was basically like whoa. And then she said I have another friend who will take better care of the cat, and again I was like whoa." I'm having a hard time getting the gist of that but my best guess is that she's confused what treatment method you used to treat the cat (since you acknowledge that the vet recommended one thing, but you used something different) and that possibly based on your troubles with the cat, she's suggesting someone else to take it in if it's too stressful for you. That's my best guess. I'm not sure how you go from that to her calling you a cat abuser. I think you're overreacting just a wee bit!
So, just continue with the vet prescribed treatment and if she asks, give her an update on how the cat is doing. Problem?
posted by Eicats at 8:25 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
So, just continue with the vet prescribed treatment and if she asks, give her an update on how the cat is doing. Problem?
posted by Eicats at 8:25 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Jeez - you're doing a great job, you saw a problem and took the kitten (at your own expense) to the vet. If she was as fabulous a rescue as she thinks she is, she'd have recognized that LG was having a problem before she asked you to foster. Fleas (or whatever) don't appear out of the blue and I'm assuming that you didn't have fleas with other cats prior to this. Leave her out. I am wondering though - are you still fostering LG or have you adopted him? That aside - cat/foster people can be a little crazed IMO (and I have 2 cats and have fostered labradors for years).
posted by lasamana at 8:30 AM on September 19, 2013
posted by lasamana at 8:30 AM on September 19, 2013
ANYWAY I have issues related to a controlling, narcissistic ...... I mean, I guess I"ll shut my door so I won't be evaluating how wrong my words must sound in the ears of this lady
You are doing right by the kitten, and this lady is not your mother.
posted by headnsouth at 8:32 AM on September 19, 2013 [4 favorites]
You are doing right by the kitten, and this lady is not your mother.
posted by headnsouth at 8:32 AM on September 19, 2013 [4 favorites]
She still feels responsible for the cat, because she chose you to give it to. So she's hyper about its care. Tell her you understand her sense of responsibility/guilt, and you're taking care of LG and love him very much. Then stop talking to her about it.
You sound more easy going in terms of pet care (I am on the freak out end of the spectrum myself). That's all.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:32 AM on September 19, 2013
You sound more easy going in terms of pet care (I am on the freak out end of the spectrum myself). That's all.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:32 AM on September 19, 2013
Stop talking to this loon about your kitty. Keep loving your kitty.
You're fine. Your kitty is fine. Just do what the vet says.
Heavens, those rescue people are drama llamas.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:32 AM on September 19, 2013 [7 favorites]
You're fine. Your kitty is fine. Just do what the vet says.
Heavens, those rescue people are drama llamas.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:32 AM on September 19, 2013 [7 favorites]
Did you adopt LG or are you fostering him? Because that makes a difference.
Speaking as someone who fosters animals, we love them and get really invested. We need to think that we've placed the animal into a great home. It's nerve-wracking to get an abandoned animal, train it, nurse it, love it and then give it to someone else.
She may be treating you awfully and overreacting - it's hard to tell from your writing style. But I can understand the anxiety of her position. If your communication style in real life is anything like you've written here, I can see how the lady might've ended up confused by what you'd done and in what order. However, you seem like you've taken good, conscientious care of LG, so continue doing that and rest easy. It can take a while to pin down allergies and the best treatment.
posted by Squeak Attack at 8:33 AM on September 19, 2013
Speaking as someone who fosters animals, we love them and get really invested. We need to think that we've placed the animal into a great home. It's nerve-wracking to get an abandoned animal, train it, nurse it, love it and then give it to someone else.
She may be treating you awfully and overreacting - it's hard to tell from your writing style. But I can understand the anxiety of her position. If your communication style in real life is anything like you've written here, I can see how the lady might've ended up confused by what you'd done and in what order. However, you seem like you've taken good, conscientious care of LG, so continue doing that and rest easy. It can take a while to pin down allergies and the best treatment.
posted by Squeak Attack at 8:33 AM on September 19, 2013
Sounds like you did everything right, +1 to everyone above.
Also, it may not be fleas or an allergy - our cat will do the same thing when she's anxious or stressed. Go away for a weekend, and her tail looks like a topiary upon our return. Once everything calms down, she stops ripping her hair out. It may be that the stress of the transition from the coworker's house to your house stressed him out, plus the vet visits -- but now that he knows you're his parent and is in a stable environment, all is well. (I.e., your coworker rehoming the cat will likely cause more harm than good and she should back off.)
posted by jenh at 8:33 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also, it may not be fleas or an allergy - our cat will do the same thing when she's anxious or stressed. Go away for a weekend, and her tail looks like a topiary upon our return. Once everything calms down, she stops ripping her hair out. It may be that the stress of the transition from the coworker's house to your house stressed him out, plus the vet visits -- but now that he knows you're his parent and is in a stable environment, all is well. (I.e., your coworker rehoming the cat will likely cause more harm than good and she should back off.)
posted by jenh at 8:33 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Oh, it's a forever adoption.
Sorry, I guess I wasn't clear about why I classified it as a freak out. She interrupted my attempts to explain, brought the issue up at work, assessed the issue as my being "overwhelmed," and she really strongly implied that I was lying to the vet. Now, by the time we had gotten there I probably in some panicked feedback loop, so I wouldn't want to die on the hill of claiming she called me a liar.
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 8:35 AM on September 19, 2013
Sorry, I guess I wasn't clear about why I classified it as a freak out. She interrupted my attempts to explain, brought the issue up at work, assessed the issue as my being "overwhelmed," and she really strongly implied that I was lying to the vet. Now, by the time we had gotten there I probably in some panicked feedback loop, so I wouldn't want to die on the hill of claiming she called me a liar.
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 8:35 AM on September 19, 2013
Aw, I see--in that case, I wouldn't give her any detailed updates. Sounds like you're doing everything you can and she's being quite hyper about it.
posted by Eicats at 8:37 AM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Eicats at 8:37 AM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
I would talk to her one more time before cutting her off. Next time she asks after kitty, tell her all is well. The flea stuff worked. Three happy cats and a happy mom now reside at your home. Tell her this even if it is not true. Then cut her off so that the last thing she heard from you is that all is well.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:40 AM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:40 AM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
Just keep telling her that the cat is doing much better. Lie to her. Lie to everyone at work if necessary. Take photos that hide bald patches. (George licked himself bald and bleeding with an autoimmune disorder, which was healed with -- very cheap -- steroids. If the flea thing doesn't work, you might want to ask the vet about something autoimmune.)
You're fine, you're taking care of the cat fine, you don't have to do everythign perfectly to be a competent cat owner.
posted by jeather at 8:43 AM on September 19, 2013
You're fine, you're taking care of the cat fine, you don't have to do everythign perfectly to be a competent cat owner.
posted by jeather at 8:43 AM on September 19, 2013
It doesn't sound like fleas to me at all. Have you flea combed? Found fleas or eggs?
If you haven't even seen one flea thus far...
See another Vet!
I agree stop talking to the lady:)
posted by jbenben at 8:44 AM on September 19, 2013
If you haven't even seen one flea thus far...
See another Vet!
I agree stop talking to the lady:)
posted by jbenben at 8:44 AM on September 19, 2013
I'm not at all clear on what's actually happened thus far from reading your question, but here're my thoughts:
1) The lady isn't sure if you actually want the kitten (as opposed to feeling like you're stuck with him). Neither am I. Do you? Because if not, she's giving you an out with her friend. I know you just said it's a forever adoption, and I get that's what you agreed to, but again, she's giving you an out if you want one and it's not shameful to take it. To be clear, this is a totally separate consideration than your suitability as a cat parent. I have no doubt from what I did understand has happened thus far that you are a good cat parent.
2) If you do still want the kitten, just tell her that you love the kitten, you're sorting out his issues, and you appreciate her concern but you and the vet have it covered. And then stop letting her involve herself in your cat's business. Look faintly perplexed when she asks about him still and answer in short, complete thoughts. "Oh, he's fine." "Yup, much better." If she keeps pushing, your perplexity/firm ownership of the situation should come on even stronger - "Colleague, I know you helped save this kitten and you're invested but I've just told you he's fine. I'd appreciate your trust that I can care for my own pets."
posted by vegartanipla at 9:07 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
1) The lady isn't sure if you actually want the kitten (as opposed to feeling like you're stuck with him). Neither am I. Do you? Because if not, she's giving you an out with her friend. I know you just said it's a forever adoption, and I get that's what you agreed to, but again, she's giving you an out if you want one and it's not shameful to take it. To be clear, this is a totally separate consideration than your suitability as a cat parent. I have no doubt from what I did understand has happened thus far that you are a good cat parent.
2) If you do still want the kitten, just tell her that you love the kitten, you're sorting out his issues, and you appreciate her concern but you and the vet have it covered. And then stop letting her involve herself in your cat's business. Look faintly perplexed when she asks about him still and answer in short, complete thoughts. "Oh, he's fine." "Yup, much better." If she keeps pushing, your perplexity/firm ownership of the situation should come on even stronger - "Colleague, I know you helped save this kitten and you're invested but I've just told you he's fine. I'd appreciate your trust that I can care for my own pets."
posted by vegartanipla at 9:07 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
nthing stop talking to this woman about your cat. Everything is fine in your household and that's all she ever need know. If you're worried if she could take the cat away from you, frankly she can't. You pay the bills, the animal is yours. If you're worried that you're a bad pet mom, definitely doesn't sound that way! You've gone to the vet multiple times and are trying a variety of things to establish peace in your home.
I have to agree with jbenben, though. You may not actually have fleas, but doing topical treatments is still a good idea (won't hurt the cat and will solve the problem if you do). If you haven't already, I would buy a flea comb and comb every cat to see if there are any adult fleas on them. This a) confirms fleas and b) helps get rid of them faster by removing adults that could lay more eggs. You'll have to keep combing every day or two if it really is fleas. And vacuum vacuum vacuum and wash everything.
Over-grooming and itchiness can also be signs of stress or seasonal/environmental allergies. My cat self-harms seemingly at random and 2 vets and I can't track down the specific allergen. Hydrocortisone spray has pretty much taken care of the problem when he has a flair up. I also changed his diet to a grain-free limited ingredient food and that has helped a lot also.
posted by rawralphadawg at 9:25 AM on September 19, 2013
I have to agree with jbenben, though. You may not actually have fleas, but doing topical treatments is still a good idea (won't hurt the cat and will solve the problem if you do). If you haven't already, I would buy a flea comb and comb every cat to see if there are any adult fleas on them. This a) confirms fleas and b) helps get rid of them faster by removing adults that could lay more eggs. You'll have to keep combing every day or two if it really is fleas. And vacuum vacuum vacuum and wash everything.
Over-grooming and itchiness can also be signs of stress or seasonal/environmental allergies. My cat self-harms seemingly at random and 2 vets and I can't track down the specific allergen. Hydrocortisone spray has pretty much taken care of the problem when he has a flair up. I also changed his diet to a grain-free limited ingredient food and that has helped a lot also.
posted by rawralphadawg at 9:25 AM on September 19, 2013
Many here may disagree, but if this person is a competent cat owner in your eyes, would you consider giving new cat back to her? You have 2 cats already and if she's really upset over the 3rd cat, perhaps that's the best solution that makes peace with this person, and kitty is taken care of. (I'm not necessarily suggesting she is right in her accusations).
posted by thermonuclear.jive.turkey at 9:27 AM on September 19, 2013
posted by thermonuclear.jive.turkey at 9:27 AM on September 19, 2013
Response by poster: Yeah, I totally love the cat. There are, on my camera roll in an iPhone, one selfie and two zillion pictures of LG. I emailed pictures of LG to this lady with clever captions. I have a disability that results in searing nerve pain and my cats, including LG, help me overcome the fear aspect that comes with really bad pain. I keep the pain on the DL so I don't think that the lady knows about that, but I said a few times to her early on that I love the cat, and then there's the proud exhibition of every new picture (and there are like at least ten) when we get together every two weeks or so.
I am actually not sure if she is so competent as a cat owner, given some things that she has told me as solid fact that are in fact not true at all. The last thing (oh, the hydrocort. shot helped -- that means he DOES have fleas) doesn't make sense, or rather, I know enough, what little I know, to know her statement is wrong. But then I love the cat, was badly shaken by being ambushed at work with this, and so that is certainly coloring as I see her, in all realms. If I'm peddling bullshit with this line, feel free to call me on it.
And yes, the three cats have been combed for fleas, EK and LG at least twice each. The vet said that often 'the cats lick the fleas off.' If that is true or b.s., I don't know.
The-maybe-not-fleas thing is another place where my stupidity has results. Allergists, my vet said, require three months of very by-the-book flea treatment before they will consider anything else. Again, just what the vet said, I don't know. So, because I did not go immediately by the book, the vet is telling me I can't explore other options until three months (well maybe closer to two now) go by.
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 9:46 AM on September 19, 2013
I am actually not sure if she is so competent as a cat owner, given some things that she has told me as solid fact that are in fact not true at all. The last thing (oh, the hydrocort. shot helped -- that means he DOES have fleas) doesn't make sense, or rather, I know enough, what little I know, to know her statement is wrong. But then I love the cat, was badly shaken by being ambushed at work with this, and so that is certainly coloring as I see her, in all realms. If I'm peddling bullshit with this line, feel free to call me on it.
And yes, the three cats have been combed for fleas, EK and LG at least twice each. The vet said that often 'the cats lick the fleas off.' If that is true or b.s., I don't know.
The-maybe-not-fleas thing is another place where my stupidity has results. Allergists, my vet said, require three months of very by-the-book flea treatment before they will consider anything else. Again, just what the vet said, I don't know. So, because I did not go immediately by the book, the vet is telling me I can't explore other options until three months (well maybe closer to two now) go by.
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 9:46 AM on September 19, 2013
Response by poster: And, by the by, my disability makes it so the word 'overwhelmed' has about a thousand bags of luggage with it. Which is another reason why I have been questioning that my assessment of this, which after I calmed down largely aligned with I think almost all the posters thus far.
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 9:50 AM on September 19, 2013
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 9:50 AM on September 19, 2013
I emailed pictures of LG to this lady with clever captions.
And obviously, any and all contact like this must stop too.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:04 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
And obviously, any and all contact like this must stop too.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:04 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]
I've kind of lost track of who said what but, just to clarify --
(oh, the hydrocort. shot helped -- that means he DOES have fleas)
NOPE.
Hydrocortisone shots reduce inflammation -- whether that inflammation is caused by an allergy to fleas, an allergy to something else, and in cases where the inflammation is not caused by an allergic reaction. They reduce inflammation, which includes the inflammation of itchyness.
The effectiveness of the shots does not prove your cat has fleas.
posted by vitabellosi at 10:09 AM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
(oh, the hydrocort. shot helped -- that means he DOES have fleas)
NOPE.
Hydrocortisone shots reduce inflammation -- whether that inflammation is caused by an allergy to fleas, an allergy to something else, and in cases where the inflammation is not caused by an allergic reaction. They reduce inflammation, which includes the inflammation of itchyness.
The effectiveness of the shots does not prove your cat has fleas.
posted by vitabellosi at 10:09 AM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]
Screw this lady. She has NO idea what she's talking about on the shot OR fleas. The cat is in your possession and is YOUR kitty. So this lady can go pound sand.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 10:31 AM on September 19, 2013
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 10:31 AM on September 19, 2013
This is not about this kitten, who sounds adorable, btw. It's about an entangled relationship with you and this woman.
You need to disengage. First, stop sharing information other than that the kitten is fine, thanks. Second, do not rise to the bait of her comments about your integrity. If you have to say something, say you are sorry she feels that way, but you don't want to discuss this further. Switch to a professional subject. Third, do not take her with you on any other personal errands.
If you have to explain any of this to her, I'd be blunt and say that your relationship seems to have gotten outside professional boundaries and it needs to return to those.
posted by bearwife at 11:36 AM on September 19, 2013
You need to disengage. First, stop sharing information other than that the kitten is fine, thanks. Second, do not rise to the bait of her comments about your integrity. If you have to say something, say you are sorry she feels that way, but you don't want to discuss this further. Switch to a professional subject. Third, do not take her with you on any other personal errands.
If you have to explain any of this to her, I'd be blunt and say that your relationship seems to have gotten outside professional boundaries and it needs to return to those.
posted by bearwife at 11:36 AM on September 19, 2013
when this lady hit the wall in terms adopting the Little Guy (LG), I said yes.
This is where things went both weird and wrong. You seem to be all over the place in telling this tale -- if this has got you that rattled then you need to back away from all of it. Can you give her the cat back? The SPCA has plenty of cats, if that's what you're after.
The way to keep people out of your business is to not let them in. Just don't talk to them about anything that isn't strictly work-related.
posted by Houstonian at 11:55 AM on September 19, 2013
This is where things went both weird and wrong. You seem to be all over the place in telling this tale -- if this has got you that rattled then you need to back away from all of it. Can you give her the cat back? The SPCA has plenty of cats, if that's what you're after.
The way to keep people out of your business is to not let them in. Just don't talk to them about anything that isn't strictly work-related.
posted by Houstonian at 11:55 AM on September 19, 2013
Tell her that it is YOUR cat, you are consulting with the vet re YOUR cat, and that any other conversation about the cat is now over other than Bitsy Wiggums is doing just fine.
If she brings up wanting the cat back after that, tell her no and that the subject is closed. If she keeps on just walk away from her, and document. If you have to document more than once tell her that any more conversation about the animal will result in you speaking with a supervisor about her inappropriate badgering.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:08 PM on September 19, 2013
If she brings up wanting the cat back after that, tell her no and that the subject is closed. If she keeps on just walk away from her, and document. If you have to document more than once tell her that any more conversation about the animal will result in you speaking with a supervisor about her inappropriate badgering.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:08 PM on September 19, 2013
Response by poster: Apologies for the all over the place narrative; to some degree that is a function of not wanting to withhold important information and probably the story isn't very coherent
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 12:11 PM on September 19, 2013
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 12:11 PM on September 19, 2013
I couldn't make out the details of what you were trying to explain (and I realize the need for privacy on the internet), but it sounds like she is trying to make sure the adoption has been successful.
So...do you feel the adoption has been successful? If so, tell her that bluntly. If not, return the cat.
My ex-wife was involved in fostering and pet adoption. They would do a SURPRISE HOME VISIT (!) before finalizing an adoption. That seemed a bit much to me, but that's how that particular rescue group felt after putting in the work of nursing sick/abused animals back to health. I'm not saying this woman is entitled to control your life, but her group might have their own "hands on" process and she might not back off until she is convinced the cat is in a great home. If you keep acting uncertain and overwhelmed, she might continue to check on you for quite a while.
So that's my reality check on your cat situation.
You asked about people invading your privacy at work. In my opinion, the first step is to be careful about what private details you share with coworkers. I try to stick to sharing three to five non-controversial topics that make me seem approachable. That way I am doing my part to make the workplace friendly yet professional.
posted by 99percentfake at 12:23 PM on September 19, 2013
So...do you feel the adoption has been successful? If so, tell her that bluntly. If not, return the cat.
My ex-wife was involved in fostering and pet adoption. They would do a SURPRISE HOME VISIT (!) before finalizing an adoption. That seemed a bit much to me, but that's how that particular rescue group felt after putting in the work of nursing sick/abused animals back to health. I'm not saying this woman is entitled to control your life, but her group might have their own "hands on" process and she might not back off until she is convinced the cat is in a great home. If you keep acting uncertain and overwhelmed, she might continue to check on you for quite a while.
So that's my reality check on your cat situation.
You asked about people invading your privacy at work. In my opinion, the first step is to be careful about what private details you share with coworkers. I try to stick to sharing three to five non-controversial topics that make me seem approachable. That way I am doing my part to make the workplace friendly yet professional.
posted by 99percentfake at 12:23 PM on September 19, 2013
Having had cats for years....oh, the question is about the weird way things went with this woman....treat her like a cat would which is to ignore her unless you want petted....and your baby cat needs some TLC, not flea meds.
Re the kitty He has eczema and fats will help. I would suggest a bit of butter on his paw every evening before bed so he associates you with good food and the butter will help his coat. ...see if he likes egg yolk as well..or mayonnaisse... jusy a tsp a day will make his itchiness all better. Then pet him a lot. Its worked everytime I have had a new kitty with these symptoms.
posted by OhSusannah at 1:06 PM on September 19, 2013
Re the kitty He has eczema and fats will help. I would suggest a bit of butter on his paw every evening before bed so he associates you with good food and the butter will help his coat. ...see if he likes egg yolk as well..or mayonnaisse... jusy a tsp a day will make his itchiness all better. Then pet him a lot. Its worked everytime I have had a new kitty with these symptoms.
posted by OhSusannah at 1:06 PM on September 19, 2013
it sounds like you have some anxiety from your mother and maybe your disability and so because of that anxiety have trouble dealing with stressful situations and in-your-face people without time to prepare (i know all about that!).
basically, what everyone else has said. tell this woman LG is fine, that he is feeling much better, and you now have a happy 3 cat household.
it may take some time to figure out why he's all itchy, but as long as it's not something that spreads to the other cats (likely would have by now, so you're probably fine there), you should be okay. if you're not sure about what LG has or might have, ask the vet. email or call until you get it. frankie has all sorts of health issues and i call/email my vet a lot with follow up questions after our vists. it will be okay!
posted by misanthropicsarah at 1:11 PM on September 19, 2013
basically, what everyone else has said. tell this woman LG is fine, that he is feeling much better, and you now have a happy 3 cat household.
it may take some time to figure out why he's all itchy, but as long as it's not something that spreads to the other cats (likely would have by now, so you're probably fine there), you should be okay. if you're not sure about what LG has or might have, ask the vet. email or call until you get it. frankie has all sorts of health issues and i call/email my vet a lot with follow up questions after our vists. it will be okay!
posted by misanthropicsarah at 1:11 PM on September 19, 2013
Man, this lady is making me mad on your behalf - she's really overstepping her bounds here. You're getting the cat the care he needs, and even if the problem hasn't been instantly resolved, you and your vet are working on it. That is doing right by your kitty.
As far as your acquaintance goes, I'd agree with everyone here saying to keep the conversation with her to a minimum - LG is doing fine and is happy, end of story - but I'd also encourage you to remind yourself that whatever this lady's deal is, odds are good that it's not REALLY about you. Maybe she's got some weird issues with control (or lack thereof), and is freaking out that SHE'S not the one dealing with this kitty anymore. Maybe she's going through something shitty on her home front, and that's causing her to act out inappropriately. Maybe her underwear is too tight and it's making her crabby. Whatever it is, the issue is not that you are mistreating or neglecting the kitty that she CHOSE to home with you.
You owe it to LG to be a good Cat Mom/Dad, and it sounds like you are. Let this lady's issues be her own.
posted by DingoMutt at 1:24 PM on September 19, 2013
As far as your acquaintance goes, I'd agree with everyone here saying to keep the conversation with her to a minimum - LG is doing fine and is happy, end of story - but I'd also encourage you to remind yourself that whatever this lady's deal is, odds are good that it's not REALLY about you. Maybe she's got some weird issues with control (or lack thereof), and is freaking out that SHE'S not the one dealing with this kitty anymore. Maybe she's going through something shitty on her home front, and that's causing her to act out inappropriately. Maybe her underwear is too tight and it's making her crabby. Whatever it is, the issue is not that you are mistreating or neglecting the kitty that she CHOSE to home with you.
You owe it to LG to be a good Cat Mom/Dad, and it sounds like you are. Let this lady's issues be her own.
posted by DingoMutt at 1:24 PM on September 19, 2013
People get very judgy about animals.
(Personally I would have advised you not to adopt a cat from a friend, as this very thing once caused a HUGE rift that my social circle still has not overcome years later. But it's too late for that, so, yeah, sorry, people get very judgy about animals.)
It sounds like you are doing a great job with LG, and most of this is just your friend/coworker's drama. Do not engage with her. If you are required to interact with her because of work, keep it civil and professional and do NOT talk about cats at all, period. If this woman wants to stew over the fact that a cat is sick and it's a long and kind of awkward road to recovery but everything is eventually going to be OK, let her stew about it. Preferably away from you.
Also, it doesn't really sound like there are any actions Annoying Friend/Coworker can take regarding this, so yeah, seriously, disengage. If the vet feels like things are proceeding as normal, and you are providing for the cat, you're fine. Even if she does something psycho like call the city and report you for "cruelty to animals", buying the wrong flea medicine one time is not cruelty to animals. Neither is applying the flea medicine imperfectly, or using it up too fast, or not ordering refills quickly enough. You are doing just fine with LG.
I will also say that every time my pet has been hurt or really in any way less than 100% perfect on any count, I have worried that I am being a bad pet owner and causing harm. Seriously, if my dog loses a pound I'm worried that I'm starving him and the vet will take him away from me. You are not alone in feeling anxiety about a tiny helpless thing that depends on you. But like I said, you are doing a great job! And fuck that bitter harpy.
posted by Sara C. at 2:31 PM on September 19, 2013
(Personally I would have advised you not to adopt a cat from a friend, as this very thing once caused a HUGE rift that my social circle still has not overcome years later. But it's too late for that, so, yeah, sorry, people get very judgy about animals.)
It sounds like you are doing a great job with LG, and most of this is just your friend/coworker's drama. Do not engage with her. If you are required to interact with her because of work, keep it civil and professional and do NOT talk about cats at all, period. If this woman wants to stew over the fact that a cat is sick and it's a long and kind of awkward road to recovery but everything is eventually going to be OK, let her stew about it. Preferably away from you.
Also, it doesn't really sound like there are any actions Annoying Friend/Coworker can take regarding this, so yeah, seriously, disengage. If the vet feels like things are proceeding as normal, and you are providing for the cat, you're fine. Even if she does something psycho like call the city and report you for "cruelty to animals", buying the wrong flea medicine one time is not cruelty to animals. Neither is applying the flea medicine imperfectly, or using it up too fast, or not ordering refills quickly enough. You are doing just fine with LG.
I will also say that every time my pet has been hurt or really in any way less than 100% perfect on any count, I have worried that I am being a bad pet owner and causing harm. Seriously, if my dog loses a pound I'm worried that I'm starving him and the vet will take him away from me. You are not alone in feeling anxiety about a tiny helpless thing that depends on you. But like I said, you are doing a great job! And fuck that bitter harpy.
posted by Sara C. at 2:31 PM on September 19, 2013
Response by poster: Y'all don't know what a comfort all of the above is.
It was definitely a *one of us is out of touch with reality* scene, and I live alone; a friend who has spent a couple of nights and seen the cats interact thought that the lady was off-base, but he's not a pet owner.
My shrink is a cat lover, and I see him tomorrow, but I was have a hard time waiting until then I address the whole hullabaloo. He treats me for anxiety, and we spend a lot of time talking about my family.
Got to go, LG has dumped out the pencils from the pencil case somehow and is now flinging them about *cue Benny Hill music*
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 5:47 PM on September 19, 2013
It was definitely a *one of us is out of touch with reality* scene, and I live alone; a friend who has spent a couple of nights and seen the cats interact thought that the lady was off-base, but he's not a pet owner.
My shrink is a cat lover, and I see him tomorrow, but I was have a hard time waiting until then I address the whole hullabaloo. He treats me for anxiety, and we spend a lot of time talking about my family.
Got to go, LG has dumped out the pencils from the pencil case somehow and is now flinging them about *cue Benny Hill music*
posted by IwishIwasFordMaddoxFord at 5:47 PM on September 19, 2013
You are taking this cat to the vet a lot (good for you), buying meds, etc. Vets are smart; if these issues were dire, you'd know. If Cat Nut gives you grief, say The vet is satisfied with LG's health, and so am I. I'd get a bit more assertive, and if she goes off on you again, just say, I have to go now, and walk away from her. She sounds like a well-intentioned person with bad boundaries and a bit over-obsessed with cats.
Your "stupid" actions were common-sense, not stupid. Avoid the Cat Nut, enjoy the kittens, and rest easy, knowing that you are a devoted and loving Cat Mom. Lucky kitties. If only there were pictures...
posted by Mom at 7:27 AM on September 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Your "stupid" actions were common-sense, not stupid. Avoid the Cat Nut, enjoy the kittens, and rest easy, knowing that you are a devoted and loving Cat Mom. Lucky kitties. If only there were pictures...
posted by Mom at 7:27 AM on September 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
« Older Desperately seeking non-silicone contact lens... | Advice on really appreciating/taking advantage of... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by xingcat at 8:23 AM on September 19, 2013 [28 favorites]