Do you really *want* to know how you are bad in bed?
September 15, 2013 9:24 AM Subscribe
My ex girlfriend and I are back together again and things are better this time. Except for the sex.
posted by kanata to human relations (12 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
The reason we previously broke up is that my not wanting to be touched (PTSD, Child Abuse) was unfair to her. I was more than happy to do all the work in bed but she insisted that she actually wanted to touch me and it was bothering her that I didn't want her to. The problem is that now that I actually want to be touched in sex she isn't that good. And I'm not sure how to tell her that without hurting her. She has asked me over text and I told her it is a topic to have in person outside of bed and we made a date to do that this week.
While she has slept with a lot more women than I have she defaults to thinking that my body should work the same way hers does. That because we have the same parts that they like to be touched the same way. I've told her how I would like to be touched in bed. I've told her my fantasies. I've shown her how I like to touch myself.
She just doesn't get it. She tells me that she has a short attention span and that it is my job to remind her over and over again how I like it. Is this fair? It kind of makes me feel like crap that my lover can't be bothered to remember how I actually like it.
I'm afraid that she thinks that because in the past I didn't like to be touched that she never has to do anything that pleases me. Her not remembering how I like to be touched makes me feel that she actually doesn't find me attractive and is only with me because of what I can do to her in bed. I've asked her this and she's stated that it isn't the case and that it is just that she forgets and that I just need to train her how to touch me.
I am not sure if I am upset over nothing and that "training" her how I like it in bed is something that is my responsibility in bed. I'm not sure if I'm being fair to her in being irritated that she can't remember and that she laughs off her short attention span. I haven't had much experience in healthy sexual relationships.
To be fair: We communicate on all other issues wonderfully. I really do care about her and know that she cares about me. I have no problem lowering the amount of sex we have to her preference. We both are great at calling each other on our shit and taking it without resentment. We both are great at compromising and I feel really emotionally connected to her and she has stated the same to me. Our emotional and mental connection has never been the problem.
May be a reason as well: I have had to explain to her that vaginas aren't actually perfectly straight. That there is a G-spot in some women. That orgasms don't always look like what they are in movies (non-porn). That some women can orgasm from penetration and some can't. She is ex-Mormon. She has several learning disabilities surrounding education (Just throwing out all ideas no matter how ridiculous) but has been tested for ADHD and that proved to be moot.