The Couch is Not a Bed, Right?
September 12, 2013 10:35 PM Subscribe
My significant other (with whom I share an apartment) falls asleep in front of the TV every night and sometimes doesn't make it to bed. I am annoyed. Should I be?
posted by amoeba to Human Relations (46 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend falls asleep in front of the television every night on the couch — never in the bed. He is mostly a wonderful human being, but he wakes up around 6:30 a.m. for work and usually falls asleep on the couch somewhere between 10:45pm and 12:00am. I think he truly needs 7-8 hours of sleep but wants to tell himself he can still stay up to 1 or 2 a.m. like he used to when he was younger, so he plops himself on the couch at 10, passes out in front of the tube, and then wakes up in the middle of the night and comes to bed anywhere between 12am and 4am. Sometimes later.
I am particularly bothered by a few consequences of this: One, he will suggest we watch a movie together, then fall asleep after I'm all involved in its stupid plot. Two, I end up with more housework, left to "close up" the house — lock the door, walk the dog, turn off the lights and make sure there's not food left out in the kitchen everynight. Three, it's gross: he doesn't brush his teeth at night. Four, it causes stress because he fails to set his alarm clock for the morning (so he wakes up late and curses in the morning).
Maybe most importantly, it prevents closeness. If we are not in the bed together in the evening, we are spending less time together and "spending" "less" "time" "together," if you know what I mean.
I try very hard not to enable this behavior. I don't mother him by "waking him up and asking him to come to bed." I do plug his phone in and set his alarm occasionally, because I hate that morning stress when he's late, but I am stopping that now. We tried having a TV in the bedroom but neither of us liked that idea. And the couch isn't even that comfortable to begin with.
Other than backing off and letting him experience the consequences of this, do I have a right to ask for different behavior? If so, how?