Be my groom!

October 1, 2005 4:29 AM

I am going to propose to my boyfriend. Help me make it unforgettable.

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years, and it's pretty clear we're in it for the long haul. We're nuts about each other, we've worked through a lot of rough stuff and come out of it stronger and even more in love.

I want to propose to him in a way that we will never forget. I'm probably going to do it on his birthday this year, which is in December. He's a very outdoorsy guy who loves yoga and nature and stuff. He loves to travel. He loves to run and jump and play, and he loves adventure. I'd like to work one or all of these into the proposal, but I need to keep in mind that this is in December. We live in Brooklyn.

I'm a grad student right now, so I don't have a lot of scratch to work with. Any creative ideas, metafilter? Also -- is there anything I should know about this proposing business? How do I find out his ring size? Should I get a ring now, or wait, or what? I'm a girl, so my momma didn't fill me in on how this is done. We are pretty nontraditional, obviously, but I'd like to at least be aware of the traditions I may be flouting.

Any lovely proposal stories of your own would also be very appreciated. Thanks!

posted by anonymous to human relations (28 comments total)

proposals of marriage are never forgettable
posted by pyramid termite at 4:41 AM on October 1, 2005

How about a threesome? :)

Seriously, make a scavenger hunt? Something where he has to find the clues in certain order, with each "prize" being something memorable from your relationship, and the final prize of course, being you. Do in in that special outdoor park or trial you know he loves. Perhaps include family and friends at that final prize? Or just you, if you want to make it intimate.

With each prize, you handmake some memento, say a calender, filled with pictures of ya'll highlighting milestones in your relationship.


Or just a really fablous blowjob.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:55 AM on October 1, 2005

Is there a reason you want to turn the proposal into an "event"? Are you nervous that he'll turn you down? If this is a real concern, is it possible that wrapping up the proposal in a bigger activity or event could seem like you are sugar-coating the pill somewhat? I've never been proposed to, but I think I'd find a proposal like this kinda creepy. Although, admittedly I don't know either of you.

As pyramid termite said - I'm sure a simple proposal would be unforgettable anyway.

nb : I am a miserable, cynical asshole, so feel free to discount my opinions - as I'm sure you're a healthy, well-adjusted person.
posted by coach_mcguirk at 5:00 AM on October 1, 2005

My gf proposed to me when we were in vacation in Anguilla two years ago. I gave her the ring when she woke up on her b-day morning, last weekend.
posted by flyby22 at 5:21 AM on October 1, 2005

pyramid termite is absolutely correct.

I vote against any asking in a crowd. You can make it public and private at the same time. Pick an aspect of his personality or an activity of his that you love. You have two months to plan.

Don't worry about the ring. Borrow one of his rings and show it to the jeweler. If he doesn't wear a ring make a joke of trying a string around his finger so he doesn't forget something. Take the discarded string to the jeweler. Get a written promise to exchange the ring if it isn't the perfect size.

He likes to travel? Can you afford to fly to Montreal for the weekend? There are so many romantic places there where you can hand him the ring and pop the question. You could even have fun running and jumping in many places in the city. Surprise him with the trip. Make sure its a weekend you have cleared his schedule...or scheduled something as a cover.

He likes to run and play? I second the treasure hunt. You can work a series of clues that take him to a favorite breakfast place, a favorite haunt, museum, lunch place, bookstore, etc. After two or three hours (or more you know him better) you end up somewhere small, romantic, and a final clue leads to your purse or pocket where he finds the ring and you ask the question.

I really believe it should be based on his habits and likes. That is what makes it unique and special. Before we were married my wife checked a particular newsgroup every morning after breakfast. One morning she was reading and there was a post marked off-topic. She read it anyway because there was a word in the subject line that meant something to her.

As she read I left the shower I was pretending to take and heard her gasp. She turned around and I asked her what her answer was. She said yes. Yeah, we're nerds whose work and fun has revolved around the net and I proposed to her on Usenet. It fit us. I am sure you'll find something that fits you two.

And congratulations.
posted by ?! at 7:15 AM on October 1, 2005

Proposals of marriage are not forgettable. I think it's a little silly to turn it into a major event (although I do understand the impulse, I guess). If you know you're going to do it, why not do it now? Nice fall days... Take a hike in some NYC park, find a nice vantage point with a beautiful view somewhere, and just do it.

Greenwoods cemetery is fun to hike through, or of course Prospect Park.

If you do it now, there's plenty of time to arrange a summer wedding next year. :)

You don't need a ring. You don't need anything. Just do it.
posted by jellicle at 7:20 AM on October 1, 2005

I totally sympathize with the desire to make this "an event." It just shows how important to you it is to take this momentous, romantic, wonderful step.

Your description of your boyfriend made me think of the Noguchi Museum in Long Island City. I haven't been in about 8 years, but there is a lovely, quiet outdoor space, in addition to meditative indoor galleries. The sculptures themselves can be quite sensual. I think the outdoor space would be beautiful in winter, especially if snow happens to be on the ground.

Alternatively (and I don't know what kind of transportation you have), you might try to drive up the Hudson River to a park for a great hike and a beautiful setting. (Or, you could take Metro-North.)

I'd say forget about the ring. Men don't wear engagement rings and, from my POV, slipping one on to his finger doesn't have the same significance. You might try an engraved watch or some other object that fits his personality, or nothing at all. Good luck!
posted by CiaoMela at 7:50 AM on October 1, 2005

Not sure that I have an idea for you, but I can tell you what I did. About three months before the proposal I started calling all of our friends, and her friends that she never gets to see, and told them, and asked them to attend a surprise engagement party. Her oldest friend volunteered his apartment for the shindig.

Everything went wrong during the actual proposal, of course. She was late getting home so we couldn't make it ice skating as I'd planned (where we'd had our second first date -- long story) so I took her into Central Park and, under a tree ("our tree," now) proposed.

I then told her that her friend and his partner knew I was going to propose and had made us dinner, so we were heading up there. When we got there, there were 40 people that we loved (many she hadn't seen in some time) there to toast us. I have never, ever seen her so surprised, or happy.

And we're getting married in... oh... two weeks from tomorrow.

Good luck. And, of course, no matter WHAT you do, it'll be fantastic.
posted by papercake at 7:55 AM on October 1, 2005

Montreal? Someone once emailed me looking for "romantic" places to propose in Montreal - in February. He wanted to get on his knees in a park. I had to tell him that any Montreal park in February will be feet deep in snow.

I don't know how it worked out.
posted by zadcat at 8:07 AM on October 1, 2005

doing it on vacation is a great idea.

Maybe get like some person at a museum or train station ticket window to pass him a box with the ring, or a note? Or prearrange at a pastry shop or cafe for it to be presented by the waiter or hid in a bag?
posted by amberglow at 8:22 AM on October 1, 2005

I concur. Marriage proposals are not forgettable (shameless self-link. It was simple and touching.) If you want to cement it in your collective memories, do one thing. Just one simple thing that will set this apart from any other date. Maybe it's a boat in central park or ice skating (starting 10/12), or maybe it's a nice trip to the Cloisters.

In fact, the last one has me thinking. With a little persuasion, I wonder if you could arrange to have a special art work description put up for that day next to your "favorite" that looks just like the usual description except with a great big, ", will you marry me?" Pull him in to show the special work and let his eyes do the rest.
posted by plinth at 8:28 AM on October 1, 2005

Have you ever done geocaching? You could look up a cache in a nice spot, maybe somewhere out in the country or at a great park that you'd have to hike a bit to get to (they also have urban caches too if you'd rather stay close to home). Tell him you want to try this sport together, pack a lunch, go hunting for it with him for the afternoon. Then when you find the cache slip the ring with a "will you marry me?" note into it when he's not looking and let him find it. Then surprise him with reservations for dinner at somewhere you both love. This is simple, not expensive, but it'd be memorable. If you wanted to build up to it you could go out hunting for caches a couple of times before you actually do this - also you don't *need* a GPS, you can look up co-ords online although not as precisely. Just an idea.
posted by Melinika at 8:32 AM on October 1, 2005

My now-husband proposed in a simple way that was meaningful to us as a couple. But one thing he did that I am especially grateful for was write me a letter. It was a long, beautiful letter, and he gave it to me before he proposed - there was no proposal in the letter. I got to the end of the letter and thought "the only thing better would have been if it ended "will you marry me."" I reread the letter every once in a while when I need to feel loved and he isn't around, or when we're struggling through something to keep me working at it. I've also let all of our parents and the priest who married us read it, which I think they all appreciated. So, I highly encourage including a letter in there somewhere!
posted by dpx.mfx at 8:39 AM on October 1, 2005

One of the most memorable proposals I've seen was when a fellow took his bride-to-be on an airplane ride and they flew over a giant field that had "_____, will you marry me?" mowed into it.

You could also go to the beach and have a plane fly by pulling a banner with your proposal on it.
posted by wsg at 9:03 AM on October 1, 2005

You could save money and trouble by simply pointing him at this thread.
posted by zadcat at 9:24 AM on October 1, 2005

We got engaged at great falls national park in washington DC, which was great -- a nice, beautiful hike, secluded area, etc. Is there some place that has a special meaning for the two of you? Since it's in December, consider arboretums or indoor gardens as well.

There are plenty of places up and down the coast that you could reach by plane or train, fairly cheaply.

I love Melinika's idea of geocaching.

Also, regarding customs: my Swedish S.O. says it is common for Scandinavian men to wear an engagement ring on the opposite hand, then move the ring to the left hand when married.

And since you live together, is there a way to slip a string/strip of paper around his finger while he sleeps? (Some guys have large knuckles, so don't forget to take that into account.)

Good luck -- whatever you do will be wonderful :)
posted by j at 9:30 AM on October 1, 2005

I disagree with the notion that men don't wear engagement rings- I proposed to Robocop_is_bleeding in Poets' Corner of Westminster Abbey, and had bought rings for both of us. We both wore engagement rings until we got married (which are now our wedding rings, as a matter of fact).

In terms of getting his ring size, he went to a jewelry store and got himself sized and then told me his size... but we had talked about the proposal before doing it, so it wasn't a surprise at all.

It would definitely be less nerve-wracking to not do the proposing in the middle of a busy, public place; but it is really nice to have a good story to tell about the event.
posted by banjo_and_the_pork at 9:58 AM on October 1, 2005

Yeah, if you want to get him a ring, do it. stet figured out my size by trying on a ring I wear on my first finger on my ring finger and figuring "a little smaller than that," and then seeing where it fit on his finger, and then trying all the rings on at the jewelry store and finding one that came to that spot (the 2nd knuckle, ish, I think) on him. He says the jewelers looked at him funny, and also says "Get an exchange policy!!" I really like wearing a ring but it pushes my (and his) feminist buttons, and we both think it's much less bizarre and property-marking-like if he wears one too.

I think the treasure hunt or geocaching idea is awesome.

Are you going to get down on one knee? If you wear a skirt, try the on-one-knee pose first to make sure you aren't going to be indecent, especially if doing it in public.
posted by librarina at 11:06 AM on October 1, 2005

Two friends of mine got hitched at this year's Glastonbury Festival - it helps when you know the guy on stage and he does the asking. It was hugely memorable for all involved.
posted by jonathanbell at 11:15 AM on October 1, 2005

If you find a good jeweler, they'll resize the ring for you at a good price after you have proposed. Bring in your boyfriend/fiance and they'll size it to fit him perfectly. Just be sure to pick a ring that can be adjusted easily. Bands that have stones that go all the way around can cause problems.
Good Luck!
posted by idiotfactory at 11:18 AM on October 1, 2005

The classic unforgettable grad-student-budget proposal.
posted by tangerine at 1:46 PM on October 1, 2005

Keep it simple and beautiful and there's less to go wrong. Just stay away from the cliches (ex. in the wine glass at a restaurant...or anything to do with a restaurant for that matter.)
posted by justgary at 2:11 PM on October 1, 2005

Have you ever seen Amelie? There's this wonderful sequence where she carefully leads Mr Quincompoix on a merry chase to return something to him. Something like that could be lovely, especially done outside.

That said... I've not been seriously proposed to (an ex of mine did once, with a candy ring, as a sweet little thing for some special day), but experiences related from friends have told me that no matter how it's done, he will remember every detail with startling accuracy. The thing is, none of us here can accurately suggest anything to you, because we have no idea what's special for you. If my boyfriend ever proposes to me (or I to him) it would be just as special for one of us to say "I fucking hate you, don't marry me" and hand over a ring.

That said.. make a list. Think about all the special secrets that you two share. The little places that are important to you (as an example, my ex and I had a special spot, which is where we had our first real fight and subsequently made up. Special because it was the first test of our relationship). Speaking solely for myselfl, I would prefer a proposal that references some important thing we did together, or a place, or some such, over some brand new big event thing.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:36 PM on October 1, 2005

Well,

You're posting anon, so there's a chance you both belong to mefi... I hope he doesn't read it here.

Why not post it as an Ask.me question?
posted by filmgeek at 3:31 PM on October 1, 2005

How about in a hot air balloon, at dawn? Wake him up early, don't tell him where you're off to. I don't know where you live, but chances are there's a hot air balloon place somewhere within range of you.
posted by tomble at 8:54 PM on October 1, 2005

Just don't mess it up and throw it out there at the end of a "why aren't we engaged already, yet?" argument. :( Yes, this is experience talking. It doesn't have to be "perfect," but you really only get one chance to do it.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 11:49 PM on October 1, 2005

I'm a guy, and I wore an engagement ring, but it wasn't part of the proposal (I proposed to her). We got my ring later, since we thought it'd be fun for us to both have matching rings.

Also, for what it's worth, we didn't go with the traditional diamond / platinum / gold ring. We had rings carved out of wood, by this guy. Since you're outdoorsy and all, I thought that might be an interesting non-traditional option for you.
posted by Alt F4 at 3:22 AM on October 2, 2005

Whatever you do, do it privately. It's a moment just for the two of you.

Don't stress on the ring. You can get an inexpensive placeholder and upgrade later when you have him to help select one. Or he can get it resized.

If it was me I'd do it after a fabulous, indulgent meal or indulgent sex.
posted by deanj at 2:38 PM on October 2, 2005