How can I fix this? Help me save my relationship.
September 10, 2013 8:54 AM Subscribe
How do I make this better? Eroded partner’s trust to a dismal point. I’m headed out on a business trip and yes, he’ll be there when I get back, but unless I come up with something spectacular, his continued presence in our relationship will have to do more with our commingled financial interests than any desire to keep things together romantically. What do I do to make this up? the screwup: once again, misleading my love about our plans + schedule + business, with the brunt end falling all on his lap.
posted by caveatz to human relations (61 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
Backstory: For years, I’ve really deteriorated our relationship by not paying bills, not planning or even communicating business trips I need to take for work, bailing out on planning house moves, not dealing with scheduling critical travel, vet, doctor’s appointments, grocery trips, you name it. I’ve never cheated/abused or done any of the major relationship non-starters but years of spectacularly bad planning and really weak communication has just really gutted a lot of his trust in me. Basically, plan is a four-letter word to me. I’m a really hard worker and will do whatever is required of me but I utterly fail at planning ahead and communicating work schedules that impact us both, day after day, year after year. Now, during a critical time in our relationship and our business, I have to take off on a out-of-state trip for my day job that will last a few days. Knew about it for a couple months ahead of time but only told him two weeks ahead of time. (We’re starting to run a boarding business—so me being physically present is crucial) Perhaps if I had communicated earlier, things could have worked out and schedules coordinated and outside help/friends brought in. But I didn’t. Again. For what we’ll call charitably, the 227th time.
While I’m away and he’s pissed that I once again have the freedom to travel while he’s stuck grinding out our business, staying up late and picking up my slack---what can I do to make it up to him? To make him feel better. To make him feel that I’ve grasped that this is the end of the line and I want to make this better and not ever screw anything up again. To make him feel I will make a sacrifice on my part that for once puts him first. I love him dearly. But I’m bad at romance and bad at planning. What can I do?