How do I form better boundaries?
September 9, 2013 10:56 PM Subscribe
I'm missing the door that other people have. Whenever I end a relationship that is bad for me, I always regret it later and end up feeling worse, even months down the road.
posted by caseofyou to human relations (18 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I'm 30 and I've had this problem all my life. I often end up begging the guy back (unsuccessfully). What's puzzling to me is others seem to move on pretty easily after they end something. How do I make that same mental switch? Whatever resolve I have stored up evaporates once I imagine that there's even the slightest chance I might win the person back.
I actually feel happier when I'm in any kind of a relationship, even a bad one, than when I'm single. I know this flies in the face of the common wisdom, but it's true. I'm more productive, I sleep and eat better, my mood is more stable. I'm still not happy if the relationship is bad but I'm happier.
I have a friend with a similar problem and I'm going to quote something she wrote because it really resonates with me:
'I find it easier to deal with life when I doing the wrong thing, like being involved with people that I don't even want and are no good for me.
When I am doing the right thing and get them out of my life, emptiness is too much to bear. I slip into depression and want to sleep all day."
What is this problem and how do I fix it? How do I convince myself that I've made the right choice when I keep second guessing and missing that feeling of closeness once I've walked away? Also, how do I stop myself from acting on my impulses?