Should this just be a nice memory?
September 8, 2013 7:41 PM Subscribe
A few weeks ago, my friend and I confessed our mutual feelings. Then we went our separate ways, and there were loose ends. How can I be clear about my intentions? Should I be?
posted by anonymous to human relations (14 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
About a month ago, my friend, whom I've known for almost a decade, was in town for a few days. Over the course of his days in town we confessed our mutual feelings for each other and had a wonderful time together, wandering around holding hands, making out, and generally just making each other feel awesome. This was on the brink of his leaving to travel extensively for several months, and my moving to a different country (though still within driving distance). There were promises to visit each other, to keep in touch with each other while he was away, etc. I'm not sure I was clear, however, that I wanted to try dating my friend. And I'm not sure the idea is feasible.
Obviously, there are huge obstacles here. We've lived on opposite sides of the continent for the past several years, though he's not entirely settled there and will likely eventually move. He travels a lot. Though, on the one hand, he says he's looking for a relationship and will likely need to find someone from outside where he lives, on the other hand he seems to want a partner who's so independent that he can leave them for long stretches of time. And, though he said he would, he has not been in touch yet besides shooting me a quick reply to a "how are you doing?" email. This in spite of posting short travel updates online.
I love my friend. I'd still love him if he didn't want a relationship with me. But, if he did, I'd be willing to make the effort to make things work -- travel to see him, try to see how things go. Should I say anything? How can I phrase this without seeming clingy? We grew up together and I don't want to ruin our friendship. And I'm not sure email is the best medium for conveying my thoughts, but won't see him in person any time in the near future.
My gut tells me that if he were interested in something long-term with me he'd be in contact. But I also wonder whether he thought I felt this was a one-off thing.