How do I deal with men mansplaining my emotions or ideas?
August 28, 2013 7:38 AM Subscribe
Quite frequently, I have to deal with men - not just strangers, but people I care about - mansplaining to me what I "really" feel, what I "really" think, or what I "really" believe. This is absolutely enraging to me. It feels like I am being patronized and denied agency. How do I explain this better or deal with it better?
posted by corb to human relations (64 answers total) 36 users marked this as a favorite
Some examples of what I mean:
When I've discussed politics, instead of saying "I disagree with your politics, and here's why", I have been told, "No, you don't really believe that. You believe a different thing (one more in line with dude's position)"
When I've talked about my feelings - like being offended - I have been told "You don't feel like that. I know how you feel, you feel afraid and that is making you say that you are offended."
When I've talked about my beliefs about gender relations, I've been told "You're just saying that, you don't really think that." or "You only think that right now. You won't think that when you're feeling better."
When I said that I didn't want to go to a specific place, or didn't want a event for me to be a specific way, I was told that I actually did want to, and I would enjoy it once I was there.
It is at the point where I want to scream. It feels like I am being made into a talking doll - like these people have an image of who I am inside their head and anything that doesn't fit that image gets dismissed. I do not know what to say - I have tried to explain my feelings directly about this and have been, again, dismissed.
How do I better explain this concept so that people will listen? Or how do I deal with it - with strangers, but most particularly, loved ones?