I'm just not that into you!
August 28, 2013 2:08 AM Subscribe
How do I discourage someone who is pursuing me for friendship?
posted by saturn~jupiter to human relations (32 answers total)
A woman in my town/community has been pursuing my friendship for the last year or so. We have toddlers the same age so we had a few parent dates. Our kids play really well together which is nice. There are things I really like about her but other things I don't like. She has a kind of bossy/pushy personality and I find myself going into "please and appease" mode, wanting her to like and approve of me when I'm with her, and then getting resentful and not wanting to hang out with her when I'm away from her. (I'm working on my assertiveness.)
Basically I don't really want to be friends with her. BUt then she keeps texting me to hang out. I have fobbed her off the last few times. I thought she had got the message but she has just texted me again. She texted me saying that her son wanted to hang out with my daughter and could we please make a date. What do I do?
The complication is, that we are in the same community and share a lot of friends. There will be lots of places I will see her (3 yr old birthday parties). The other complication is, that my husband and I are close to her newly ex husband, who ended their relationship last year, much to her devastation. So I sometimes hang out with him with our toddlers (we get along very well). Also he confides in me about her, and it just feels all wrong for me to be friends with her for that reason. Also I just don't want to because of the way her personality irks me.
I guess I feel that if I keep fobbing her off, it will be really tense and awkward when I run into her which I invariably will. I would love to keep on non-tense terms, but I guess to do this I have to hang out with her once in a while. But I just don't really like her that much and it feels bad because her ex husband and I have talked about her a lot, and it feels really inauthentic to then hang out with her as though I like her. But also I know she's sad about the break-up and wants friends to hang out with and I feel bad about dissing her at this time. Maybe also I don't like how aggressively she has pursued me... messaging me saying that her son wants to play with my daughter seems almost passive aggressive. Thoughts???
Do I just keep fobbing her off and deal with the tension and awkwardness when I see her? Do I tell her that I don't want to hang out with her? Do I hang out with her once in a while even though it feels inauthentic?
I would appreciate any advice here guys. What would you do if you were me, what would you want me to do if you were her... ??? THanks.