Husband playing with fire - chances *I* will get burned?
August 26, 2013 1:02 PM Subscribe
Husband has always been friendly with women, but never too flirtatious. Husband met a woman in the course of his workday (on his commute) and they struck up an "aquaintanceship" based around their daily metro commute. Things have progressed a bit too far for my tastes and I'm trying to understand his mindset.
posted by anonymous to human relations (44 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
She flirted with him, he returned the flirtations. Her side of the flirtations were a bit more bold and direct whereas his were more playful innuendo. But he has shared deep personal sexual information with her about our sex life. About a month into this, she advised him point blank that she was in an unhappy marriage and based on my husband's flirtations and information exchange assumes he is potentially interested in something on the side as well. Hubby avoided a response to this; changed the subject; but kept up the flirting. Another week or so goes by and she tells him she can take no for an answer if he isn't into her but she would appreciate him being clear on where his line is bc his behavior so far is confusing. He tells her he is attracted to her and she is (fill in many wonderful compliments here) but he likes it how it is, friendly hot flirting where everyone goes home to their spouses that they love b/c he doesn't want to screw up his marriage bc he loves his wife. He said many nice things about me to her, and a few "improvement wishlist items". She accepted this answer but made it clear again should he change his mind, she is there for him. He has continued to flirt with her via IM and I assume probably in person as well daily. When we've gone out on dates he's been discreetly texting her (nothing overly flirty but just general chit chat). He doesn't text anyone else M or F like this. On vaca with me, he is texting her a couple times a day. They are talking about going to a movie together, as friends in the coming weeks. She has also been giving him advice on nice things to do for me, FYI.
Both of their behaviors are confusing me. Why is she flirting with him but also giving him advice on nice husbandly things to do for me to make my day better as if she has my best interests at heart? Should i be relieved that faced with temptation my husband said no or concerned that he didn't close that door all the way but is instead maintaining contact with her and playing with fire? Do you think he is seriously considering going over the line with her and just working up the nerve or does he likely intend to keep to the line of just flirting (i.e. boosting his ego) and thinks he can control it? Have you been the wife, the hubby, or the other woman in this scenario and if so what were your intentions ?
I have not spoken to husband about this and do not want to at this point bc I discovered all of this after snooping on his phone. And i want to have a bit of understanding as to what might be going through his mind before I talk to him. That's where you come in.