Is my new puppy happy?
August 23, 2013 3:37 PM   Subscribe

Week 4 with the new pup. I *think* I'm giving him a great life but sometimes he gives me a look that says 'i want to go back to the shelter, i'm bored and this sucks'. Is this normal as a new pet owner? How can I relax and not stress about being the best. owner. ever? What's a normal 'life with a dog' schedule like?

New pup Finlay is a 4 month old Lab/English Setter/Dalmation Mix. I asked a question a week ago here about his fear of the leash that, thanks to the advice, we are on our way to laughing about, though this was the scene this morning when we attempted to hit the park.

A couple of quick details:

- I work from home, outside of my daily surf/run I am attached to my little guy 24/7.
- He follows me EVERYWHERE, which I love.
- Happily goes in to his crate at bedtime. Quick pee in the morning and then licking/wrestling on the bed until breakfast time
- Now housetrained, a couple of accidents but no big deal
- I LOVE him and let him know it, rub his belly and give him devotion hourly, feed him on a tight schedule, engage with him and he is never ignored.
- Outside of my day to day chores/work, he is the center of my life right now
- Enough squeaking toys and things to chew to entertain a dog army
- Training/Trick time several times a day but never to the point of frustrating us both
- I never yell at him, ever, but am firm and he knows who is boss
- Walks/playtime in the yard a plenty
- He has free access to the massive backyard which he has explored within every inch
- Leaving him alone for even 5 minutes and then returning he wags his tail like a maniac
- He's just about the best thing ever

BUT....I can't shake the feeling he doesn't like me when he gives me a look like this, which is very common. He just sort of collapses in a heap on his dog bed in the living room and stares at me like i'm not paying him enough attention (but I am!)

My friend (a multiple dog owner) tried to reassure me that I am the center of his universe, he loves me, he is blissfully happy and just relax.

What's it REALLY like to own a dog? What's your daily schedule like? Lovable thing you engage with, feed, love and dote on often as it works with your schedule? Is it ok if I just watch a movie for 2 hours and let him sigh in the corner? Is a family/house dog someone who is just sort of in your house doing his thing?

Help me settle in to having this lovely little guy in my life.
posted by BlerpityBloop to Pets & Animals (30 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
Uh, yeah, you're anthropomorphizing. Dogs just like to lie down sometimes. You're doing fine, just relax!
posted by number9dream at 3:41 PM on August 23, 2013 [24 favorites]


That is just how dogs look when they are tired or relaxed. Don't try to read human expressions into dog faces. Everything is fine.
posted by ook at 3:42 PM on August 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Leaving him alone for even 5 minutes and then returning he wags his tail like a maniac

This means you're doing OK. Dogs have different personalities, just like people.
posted by mochapickle at 3:42 PM on August 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Another multiple dog owner here - for goodness' sake, that dog has THE BEST LIFE A DOG COULD HAVE, just give yourself permission to enjoy it along with him!
posted by humph at 3:43 PM on August 23, 2013 [17 favorites]


He's fine. A note: Dogs are really *really* quite good at manipulating humans who show themselves to be manipulated. Left to his own devices, he will train you to within an inch of your life. Like the dog who appeared to be SO SO SAD WHEN THE HUMAN WAS LEAVING and the human gave him lots of extra pats on the way out ... at which point the dog was thrilled to loaf around the house and all the sad disappeared. "If I do this, the human will pat me more!"
posted by rmd1023 at 3:47 PM on August 23, 2013 [9 favorites]


Dergs are opportunists. They don't know that you have to work everyday unless you are taking them with you to hunt big game. What I told my 13 year old son is this: he worships you. As long as you have it in your mind to not disappoint him you will do fine. Love him to the best of your ability and all is well.
posted by brownrd at 3:49 PM on August 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


He is just relaxed and waiting for whatever is next. And OMGOSH!!! He is so CUTE!!
posted by michellenoel at 3:55 PM on August 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Two things:

1. You sound like a very invested and responsible dog owner, so he's probably quite happy and has grown attached to you. Since you are the 'pack leader', the looks you get are probably just him trying to figure out what's coming next. Relax and keep up the good work.

2. Finlay is absurdly adorable. Please give the lucky little guy some behind the ear scratches for me.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 3:57 PM on August 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


I lived with a dog - a springer mix - whose owner was a touring musician. When the owner was packing for a gig, Dixy would throw herself to the floor, heave a sigh, and stare at her owner mournfully. Sometimes she'd get up and move a couple of steps just so she could throw herself to the floor again. She had the most dramatic eyebrows EVER, it was ridiculous.

Once her audience left, though, she was out in the backyard hunting squirrels all day, every day - even when her owner was in town. The drama-queen behavior was reserved exclusively for showtime. She was a blissfully happy dog with a flair for the dramatic, is all.

Also lived with a cat with the most worried possible expression. He was a mellow boy, he really was, but his facial markings just made him look neurotic. Human expressions don't map perfectly to animals, even when they seem like they are.
posted by restless_nomad at 3:58 PM on August 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


Best answer: Will you adopt me? No seriously he's fine. He has the best life I can imagine a dog having. We have 2 dogs and call that face "Waiting for a thought to arrive." seriously he is not judging you, he's just chilling. Dogs have a lot of down time where they just lay around in stand by mode, he'll do it more as he gets older and some of the puppy energy fades.

Sighing while he's laying in the corner while you watch a film is pretty normal dog behaviour, he's probably wondering why you are just sitting there when playing, treat giving or hugs could be happening, but it doesn't mean you have to give them to them. Think of him like a kid, of course he wants to play, eat candy and have all your attention all the time, but they have to learn to learn to be quiet by themselves for a while if you're doing something.

Sometimes the dogs are the centre of what I do and I am talking and interacting with them or doing something that I know they like, sometimes they are following me around helping me do jobs around the house, and sometimes they are doing their thing and I'm doing mine. It's alright to do any and all combinations of those.

Also he is super cute and I love his big feet.
posted by wwax at 4:08 PM on August 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Congratulations on your super cute new friend and welcome to the world of being emotionally abused by your pet. Your dog loves you and is happy, and knows that making big sad eyes gets him extra attention. My dog lays down sadly in her kennel when she sees me pick up my car keys in the morning...not realizing that I can hear her tags jingling when she comes running right back out to look out the window when I'm gone.
posted by assenav at 4:09 PM on August 23, 2013 [11 favorites]


Dogs watch you a) for a cue you want them to do something, b) to see if you're eating something, c) to make sure you don't get swooped up by a wolf or bird of prey. In between doing that, they sleep, but they've got an ear out for either predators or you wanting them to do something.

My dogs lose their minds when I come home from work. They also lose their minds when I come in from taking out the garbage. They have no sense of time.

Your dog is doing great and gets ample stimulation and activity.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:32 PM on August 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


My childhood dog was an English Setter, they are great at the "meaningful" looks! Look here, they all look like we should give them a big hug right now. Maybe this is where your dog got it from.

I've had pets all my life and even now sometimes get the feeling of how to be the "best. owner. ever", as you put it. It is normal. Relax.

It's okay for a dog to chill/sleep for a few hours while you are on the computer or watch a movie, sure. It sounds like he gets mental and physical stimulation on a daily basis, so he also needs some down time to process and relax.
posted by travelwithcats at 4:33 PM on August 23, 2013


Dogs spend a lot of time sleeping and resting, but they don't deep-sleep as much as humans do. They do a lot of half-sleeping where they are still sorta alert for "threats" - this is leftover from their wild ancestors. Your dog in that adorable picture is just tired and/or guilt-manipulating you. :)
posted by radioamy at 4:38 PM on August 23, 2013


He's just a little sleepy/relaxy! It's summertime and it's hot out and he is an active, engaged, healthy dog, and growing up is hard work.

You are doing a good job and you should feel good!

also boop his nose for me plz
posted by elizardbits at 4:58 PM on August 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Its very common. This guy was got from the shelter and you did great (that is no life for any animal, he is much better off with you). Not sure what his story is and how he got there but that might be something that was an issue (trauma, seperation etc.) totally normal. Our 10 year old gsd still gives us those look lol. nothing to worry about.
posted by ladoo at 5:00 PM on August 23, 2013


Response by poster: Fin is currently working his way through a Kong filled with peanut butter. I have "mouth eating noise" issues so while I am repulsed right now, he is happy as a clam.

Once he returns from his blissful state I'm going to feed him dinner and work on 'fetch'.

I'm relaxing in to dog ownership thanks to all of your advice above. Thanks gang.
posted by BlerpityBloop at 5:05 PM on August 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


You are doing great! And that is one cute pup! I will also say that with one of my family's previous dogs, we accidentally trained her to make, well, puppy-dog eyes. When one of us thought she was looking a little mopey, someone would inevitably say "oh! poochie! whatsamaaaater???" and lavish attention on her, sometimes in the form of American cheese to "cheer her up." Guess what? That's basically training your dog to make that face when they want extra ear-skritching time or free cheese. Guess what part II? THEY ALWAYS WANT THAT.
posted by Charity Garfein at 5:16 PM on August 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


My husband and our puppy really bonded over food (smell of liver cooking - only thing he would eat) and playing fetch for about an hour every night before bedtime. He (pup) loved it and husband loved him so he threw and threw and threw -little soft plush toys. Then at the end they would run all around and chase each other - much fun for both.
Good luck.
posted by Tullyogallaghan at 5:30 PM on August 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Well, I've fostered and found homes for about 20 dogs from the shelter, and you are giving Finlay a life far beyond what I dare hope for my fosters, if that makes any sense. I mean, 3 or 4 of your bullets points and I'd have approved you as being superior to the majority of people who contact me about a given animal. For what that's worth.

My dogs' daily lives are usually:
go outside & sniff yard.
come inside, flop somewhere
go outside & bark
come inside
have dinner
go outside
lay on bed
break into trashcan while house is sleeping
(rinse, lather, repeat)

The giant sigh & heavy flopping down is something I've seen in a couple breeds, I always found it delightfully over-dramatic and loved them all the more for trying to fool me.

So you're doing an excellent job, and in a couple months or a year, the limerence will wear off and maybe you'll be doing 1/2 or 1/3 as much and it will still be super awesome, and he will still adore you. The hard parts come later -- when he goes through adolescence at 18-24 months, when changes in your life mean it's time to move or allergies have to be worked around . . . those are the times when dogs get returned to the shelter, and yeah it's because people are lame but it's also because those times are harder.

Also -- it might be an old wives tale, but I've found it to be true -- around 4-5 months they get extra into exploring, and are more likely to escape. If they manage to do it & enjoy it, they tend to be more likely to explore throughout their lives. I've found that if I can really be watchful of hijinks at 4-5 months, it means I can relax more when they're fully grown.

Congrats!!!!
posted by MeiraV at 5:36 PM on August 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Dude. Stop.
He loves you and he loves nothing more than to gaze upon you. That's all there is.
posted by LonnieK at 6:18 PM on August 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


IMHO, that is a lazy dog face, not a sad dog face. Dogs also enjoy lying around and watching a movie for a few hours. This will be more and more the case as he gets older.

I'm also a firm believer that dogs live in the present. He is happy to see you, because HEY THAT PERSON I LOVE TO DEATH AND PLAYS WITH ME AND GIVES ME FOOD SHOWED UP!!! THIS IS AWESOME!! When you're not there, he's probably not actively missing you, he's thinking 'yeah, just chillin for a lil bit. Ima take a nap'. Etc etc. He is definitely not missing the shelter.

You are doing fantastic. And he is super cute. Congrats !
posted by Fig at 6:23 PM on August 23, 2013


Just going to keep up the pile on; this is just what dogs look like laying down. They do this when they are tired and happy.

Good job!
posted by furnace.heart at 6:33 PM on August 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


you sound like an awesome dog owner! my rescue gives me that same look. i think it is an attachment thing. they want to keep an eye on us to make sure we won't leave em', and they love us & so like to stare at at us, and they are protective of us too. when i first got my rescue he was 10 months and when i was in the shower he'd lie on the bathmat, lol.
posted by wildflower at 6:43 PM on August 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


That right there in that photo is the face of a dog so in love he is making mopey dopey eyes at you. Hysterical. You are a lucky owner and he a lucky pup.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 7:32 PM on August 23, 2013


The dog is exhausted from loving you so much.
posted by amtho at 8:18 PM on August 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


When I first met and started hanging out with stet, his dearly beloved Oscar dog (the first dog in my life) would park himself in front of me on the couch and stare at me with that face. Eventually I told stet that I was afraid it wouldn't work out because his dog was envious of me and hated me and was sad that I took his place on the couch. stet laughed really, really hard and said "He wants you to pet him and invite him up!" So I did both, and Oscar settled in, and we were bffs, because he was the best dog ever and he didn't hate me at all.

Your dog clearly just wants to gaze upon your beloved form and MAYBE you could improve upon perfection by petting the dog or inviting him up with you. But yeah, dog just is OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS I LOVE BLERPITY SO MUCH AND THERE BLERPITY IS! CAN YOU BELIEVE MY LUCK! I LOOOVE BLERPITY
posted by librarina at 9:07 PM on August 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Best answer: FWIW, dalmatians have a reputation for being extremely bonded/devoted/clingy to their people, to the point where some (not all) develop issues such as separation anxiety and resource guarding w/r/t their human (where you, the center of the universe, are the prize to be guarded).

We've got a dal mix and I work at home; she spends almost her entire day in the company of one of her humans and very little time "off doing her own thing" unless that thing is something she shouldn't be doing, like barking at the mailman or eating tampons out of the trash. When she's not asleep and something's not happening that involves the dog, she's usually just waiting for the "something is going to happen that involves the dog," with a similar "attentive, sad eyes" look. She's alert to all kinds of cues that SIGTHTItD and is basically in waiting mode alert for any of those cues.

I think it's important to set boundaries about all that dalmatian (mix) devotedness: sometimes the dog *is* ignored; sometimes the dog needs to back the fuck off for gods sake ("back" and "off" are two of the vital commands in her vocabulary); you can throw the world's biggest party when The Most Important Person Ever comes home from work and jump literally around if you want to, but no jumping up, etc.
posted by drlith at 4:49 AM on August 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, seriously, watch it with that look -- if he trains you to Jump! Up! and Play! every time you notice him doing it ....

It's mostly a tired/relaxed/but-still-alert expression, there. He feels comfortable lying down, but not so much to fall asleep. He's going to watch you for cues to what is happening next, or what he should do.

One caveat is that dogs can take a bit to adjust to a new home even if that home is pretty damned awesome, which it sounds like yours is, in dog terms. Here's the thing. He has the shelter experience, even if we don't know how actively he imagines/remembers it. He's experienced at least one Big Transition, which is a lot for a dog to handle. For a while, he's going to have Doggy Doubts: Is Master/Mistress going to keep me? Did I do everything Master/Mistress wants? Why won't Master/Mistress give me some signs here?! This insecurity will eventually go away, trust me. It's just an underlying issue where he's thinking something like that if he messes up, it's Shelter Time all over again.

So, definitely the opposite of what you're guessing.

We took over a dog from my brother, and it took her about 18 months to be really sure that we were her new family and would always adore her and give her treats and walks. She was a very downtrodden junior dog in the other family, with a bigger, younger male, and peed on greeting quite a bit. Eventually we were able to train that out of her. Now, though she still remembers her other family if they visit, she feels confident where she is.

Still, we see that blank look a lot. So it's just a dog look. In this scenario, you're the one with the insecurities. They say in a human-dog confrontation, you shouldn't show your fear. Well, in taking care of a dog, it's also important not to show your fears. Whatever you're hung up about, you're going to somehow exaggeratedly pass that to the dog. If you let a pattern develop, it can take 3, 5, or 10 times as long to unlearn that pattern and replace it with a better one. So don't let this be the trigger that turns you into Insecure Doggy Owner.
posted by dhartung at 4:53 AM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


You are wildly anthropomorphizing an animal incapable of forming thoughts of that complexity. Blah blah Ginger!
posted by spitbull at 8:56 AM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


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