How do I become more direct with my communication?
August 16, 2013 10:28 AM Subscribe
I need to be more direct with my communication, and I just find it very difficult to do it. What are some ways I can get over the fears in my head and be more direct, as in, ask for what I need directly and stop being such a pushover?
posted by greta_01 to society & culture (11 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
I want to be direct as in say what is on my mind or what I need, without cushioning it, softening it and saying it as it is, and expect that my request will be given the consideration that is common courtesy. I have trouble just getting the words/needs/emotions expressed out loud.
Here's some history: for whatever reasons, I am perennially afraid, of everything. I fear I will annoy the person I am asking something of. I fear they will be inconvenienced (and until recently I never even considered how much of an inconvenience things were for me by not asking for it, until my sweetheart of a husband pointed it out). I fear they'll be angry. I fear I am not good enough justification for them to spend time on fulfilling my request. All kinds of irrational fears. The thing is, slowly over the years I've realized that I need to stop being so afraid of the what ifs and be direct with my communication.
If I have to deliver on something, I will over promise, and go the extra mile. If I have to ask for something, I'd rather die than ask for it... its been like this since childhood and even with my parents/family. I really go through a lot of anxiety just with the thought of getting my very reasonable needs/wants expressed out loud that require someone to do something for me. Maybe some of it is related to low self esteem, I feel guilty even taking up the space that I do at times.
How can I ease into expressing myself more directly? Why do I have such a hard time with it, is it the same with everyone?!