What is going on here? (Relationship clarity)
August 15, 2013 10:20 PM Subscribe
Some advice needed on a newly poly marriage...issues regarding imbalance of resources/effort, feelings of rejection, control issues, etc Please PM me if you think that will be more helpful.
posted by queenba to Human Relations (41 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
oook. Here are a chronology of events about my husband and I (late 20s) followed by my questions, please help!
1. Boy becomes sexually uninterested in longtime (5 years) girlfriend (NOT based on her appearance). Boy and girl also have an imbalance of power in the relationship. Girl has like 3 degrees, boy has his GED. Girl makes a decent living, pays for everything, boy hasn't had a job in 2 years (student).
2. Girl begs boy to make her happy by increasing his frequency of sex with her. Boy does so out of obligation. Boy begins to feel resentful and coerced.
3. Boy and girl get married even though boy was no longer attracted to girl. Boy decides to come to terms about the sexual problems.
4. Boy goes to therapy, confirms he is no longer attracted to girl but that she make a good partner. Boy and girl begin poly relationship.
5. Boy is having great luck, girl is experiencing rejections typical to her previous relationships with the new relationships*. Girl also feels rejected cause boy doesn't want to touch her at all in a sexual way**. Girl feels like a leper.
6. Girl begins to feel an even greater imbalance of effort/power in the relationship. Boy gets financial stability, emotional connectedness, a bunch of great sex, support throughout schooling. Girl gets to work 60 hours a week, and gets emotional connectedness.
*Girl has great "shock value". Men tend to be extremely enthusiastic (for example, the most recent said that he considered not moving an hour away since he had met her), and then extremely apathetic/withdrawn very quickly.
**Boy and girl are still very emotionally connected and frequently touch in non-sexual ways.
1. What the hell is going on here? (any interpretations are useful)
2. Are any of these relationships salvageable?
3. What should I be TRYING to figure out?