In-laws excluding spouse/partner
July 25, 2013 10:27 PM   Subscribe

Would you feel excluded if not invited to in-law family dinners?

My sister is really hurt by her in-laws. Her mother-in-law plans family dinners once a month or two with her children. No one can come only her children...not even her husband the step father. Basically if you're blood related and in the immediate family I Ly.
She has grown to feel like they are her family too but now sees that they see her as an extra in a way. So basically feeling excluded by family.


In this situation many would find nothing wrong with a mother for wanting time with her children, but then again I think that you're family after x amount of time and commitment (with or without marriage) if you get along great with them...

How would you feel?
posted by Asian_Hunnie to Society & Culture (6 answers total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Hey, sorry, but "how do feel about this" poll-the-readers is chatfilter. If there is a problem to be solved, please contact us to edit the post. -- taz

 
Response by poster: Not even her husband the step father...meant to say the mother's husband lol
posted by Asian_Hunnie at 10:28 PM on July 25, 2013


I think the key here is that she is not inviting her own husband. That says to me that she is putting aside time just for her children, no spouses allowed. Like a girly night, no boys allowed. If it was weekly I might find it a bit annoying, but once a month is acceptable IMO.

I think your sister feeling exluded is her own issue, because the rules of this dinner seem pretty clear cut. The mothers children only, end of discussion.
posted by Youremyworld at 10:34 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: The thing is here I'm wondering if I make a poll why many think its okay and many think its not ok. That's the confusion because its gray
posted by Asian_Hunnie at 10:35 PM on July 25, 2013


It's not grey. This is not a general family get-together. The mother in law's rules are very clear: she makes it a priority to get together with her children once a month. Your sister is not her child. Your sister needs to stop making this about her, because it isn't, and instead of focusing on feeling excluded, focus on the ways in which this family makes her feel included.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:39 PM on July 25, 2013


Once a month or two? That doesn't seem excessive to me. Are there other gathering to which the spouses and family members are invited?
posted by BlahLaLa at 10:40 PM on July 25, 2013


My family has a long standing tradition of Girls Only Lunch. Once a year (or so), all the women in the family go out to lunch together. No guys. In-laws and steps and such are invited. But no dudes can go, period, the end, that's the rule. Also, no kids. (In fact, as a girl in the family, it's pretty special when you're invited to your first Girls Lunch.) This is the way it's always been, for years. It's Tradition.

In light of that, I would say that if your sister's in-laws have this long standing thing, and no partners are allowed by definition, then she should not take it personally and just accept that it's a family tradition they have. Though I agree once a month is kind of a lot for a quirky family tradition that might inconvenience people.
posted by Sara C. at 10:40 PM on July 25, 2013


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