It seems like there might be something wrong with me that has led guys to reject me, a hetero female, a dismal number of times over the past year or so. But I'm getting discouraged because I can't seem to figure out what it is. Feeling sad, lonely, weird.
My friends don't seem to know the cause of all the rejections either. I'm pretty young, in good shape, think that I am good looking. I think that I'm an intelligent person, a good listener, and can have conversations about a wide range of topics. I'm upbeat, athletic, have a lot of interests and hobbies, good friends, and still have enough free time for someone in my life. I don't think I have bad breath...
Here's a peek into what my dating life has been like for over a year. These guys most ranged from late 20s to early 30s with a couple minor outliers, and I fall in that age range too:
1. Dumped by my serious long-term boyfriend. Very upsetting blow. But I felt like at least I understood it - we were not sexually compatible and neither
of us was sexually satisfied.
After a few months, I had about 3 OKCupid 1st dates where neither of us called the other again. I felt that was pretty normal though.
2. A very good guy friend of mine started flirting with me. Then one night he kissed me. I was kind of surprised but totally into it! That same night, he told me we should probably not have sex because he didn't want anything serious with me. We are still good friends. That was really confusing...
3. I posted about #3 here.
Pretty much, a friend I'd know about a month pursued me hard and asked me out. I agreed and we started dating. As I got to know him more I liked him a lot and developed strong physical attraction to him, and thought we had great sex. He acted like he was crazy about me, but after about a month, he suddenly
dumped me and refused to even talk to me anymore. He started dating an acquaintance of mine almost right away and has been with her ever since. She's pregnant now and they're moving to another country together next month.
4. Several months later. The new roommate of one of my good friends pursued me really
hard, after a night where we hooked up. I was just lonely and wanted some physical affection, wasn't expecting anything to come of it. He texted and emailed me a lot, told me he just didn't want me to forget he existed, came up with complicated reasons to come to my city. Drove hours to see me on last minute notice. He was open about sleeping with other people since we weren't in a relationship, so I asked him to get an STD test before we got physical again because of some pretty risky behavior.
For that and a few other random reasons it took a couple visits before we got really physical again, but when we did have sex it was fantastic for me. It's hard for me to think of better sex. As I got to know him more I found that I liked his personality more and more and thought he had a lot of great qualities, and we dated about two months until I felt him withdrawing. I asked him about it and he finally told me after some prodding that he didn't see us "on the path to a serious relationship." But he was open to continue having sex, or to just be friends. I said no to the no-strings sex. But we are still friendly, chat online occasionally... I know that in the past he had several relationships that lasted a few years each.
5. A couple months later, at an event, I met a guy who I was instantly very attracted to. He was clearly very attracted to me too. We went out and he started talking about his passions and things he would love to do with me in the future. All of them were things I do NOT relate to at all and do not enjoy. A lot of the activities he loves the most are activities I fear and dread the most. I decided not to keep dating him even though I was really into him, because I thought he would just reject me in the end for not being "that girl" who shares his passions. We did have sex and it was not good. He liked it because I went along with what he wanted even though I conveyed it was not my preference. It seemed pretty clear that he would have lost interest if I kept sleeping with him, but started declining to do the things he wanted in bed that I wasn't really into.
6. I went back on OKCupid. A guy contacted me with a very sweet message and I replied. He wrote me many more sweet messages and started talking almost immediately about how I was his dream girl and I was the one he had been looking for. We met and I was attracted to him, I thought we had physical chemistry. He started calling me honey and sweetheart very early on, wanted to text all day every day, more than I had time to, wanted to see me more than I could see him, even when I was sick, brought up moving in together. After a month, he suddenly said he thought he could handle a relationship but he could not and he didn't even want to be friends. I was shocked and tried to reach out and contacted him a few times. He wrote me back a very harsh message saying "Do not email, text or call, I'm not interested." That hurt a lot.
7. Another guy on a dating site wrote me a very nice message and I replied. He wrote to me again and I took a while to reply, so he followed up a second time. In his pictures he was not exactly my type but he seemed to have a great personality. We met up and had a great dinner and I thought he was really cute in person. He texted me the next day saying, "I have to be upfront, I don't think we have romantic chemistry." That was really surprising and it hurt. In his profile he wrote that if he messages you and you are not interested, he would be curious to know why. So I felt comfortable asking him what it was about me. I told him he could be honest and I would not be offended, but I'd be interested to know in case it was something I could change to have better results in the future. He wrote back and said it was just physical, that I was beautiful but not his type. I accepted that. I was still a bit confused, since I have MANY photos of myself on the dating site, it's clear what I look like and what "type" I am physically.
I have no idea what's going wrong, but it's really discouraging to me. Especially when the guy seems really attracted or really interested in conversation with me at first, and then I just feel his interest seeping away.
Does it seem normal to you folks that I am getting rejected this much, so early on, after a couple days, weeks or months?
How can I keep trying despite getting rejected like this over and over? I was pretty chipper up until this last one but just the amount of rejections is starting to get to me.
I get new messages on OkCupid, from people I'd be interested in dating, but I'm starting to feel like if I meet them they will just end up rejected me again to, and then I'll be even more discouraged.