Who's my sperm donor?
July 19, 2013 6:37 PM
Help me find my biological father: artificial insemination in the 1980s edition!
So here's the thing. My father has had terrible health issues his whole life and a has whole big list of genetic disorders. Recently, my parents sat me down to tell me I don't actually have to worry about any of them (wonderful!) because I was conceived via artificial insemination (dad's apparently sterile, too). That's totally fine with me, and I don't feel any sort of "well gosh you're not my real dad" - them telling me really changed nothing in my life, other than allowing me to not worry about being a carrier for tons of horrible stuff.
However, now there's this big gaping hole in my family medical history. One that I would love to fill. I'm fine meeting the guy too, but I care *way* more about knowing even basic things about him. Like, does cancer run in his family? What nationality is he? Etc.
Help me figure out how to find out more! What I'm looking for: a way to contact the hospital and have them tell me things (do I just call up the artificial insemination department and say "yo, you knocked my mom up 27 years ago, can haz info?")... websites where people normally go to connect with their long-lost offspring ... resources ... pretty much anything you can give me.
Here is absolutely everything I know:
- I was conceived on December 25, 1985
- This took place at the University of Wisconsin hospital in Madison, WI
- The sperm donor is a doctor (because apparently they only let med school students/residents be sperm donors for this sort of thing back then?)
- The doctor in charge of all the artificial insemination stuff was Dr. Sander Shapiro. Aka this Sander Shapiro.
- They did some special matching thing to make sure I would look like I came from both my parents, but they wouldn't let me parents ever see a picture of the donor.
- They sent my parents questionnaires every few years asking how I was doing both physically and psychologically (presumably for Shapiro's research)
So here's the thing. My father has had terrible health issues his whole life and a has whole big list of genetic disorders. Recently, my parents sat me down to tell me I don't actually have to worry about any of them (wonderful!) because I was conceived via artificial insemination (dad's apparently sterile, too). That's totally fine with me, and I don't feel any sort of "well gosh you're not my real dad" - them telling me really changed nothing in my life, other than allowing me to not worry about being a carrier for tons of horrible stuff.
However, now there's this big gaping hole in my family medical history. One that I would love to fill. I'm fine meeting the guy too, but I care *way* more about knowing even basic things about him. Like, does cancer run in his family? What nationality is he? Etc.
Help me figure out how to find out more! What I'm looking for: a way to contact the hospital and have them tell me things (do I just call up the artificial insemination department and say "yo, you knocked my mom up 27 years ago, can haz info?")... websites where people normally go to connect with their long-lost offspring ... resources ... pretty much anything you can give me.
Here is absolutely everything I know:
- I was conceived on December 25, 1985
- This took place at the University of Wisconsin hospital in Madison, WI
- The sperm donor is a doctor (because apparently they only let med school students/residents be sperm donors for this sort of thing back then?)
- The doctor in charge of all the artificial insemination stuff was Dr. Sander Shapiro. Aka this Sander Shapiro.
- They did some special matching thing to make sure I would look like I came from both my parents, but they wouldn't let me parents ever see a picture of the donor.
- They sent my parents questionnaires every few years asking how I was doing both physically and psychologically (presumably for Shapiro's research)
Also, please realize that meeting your donor can be a very big emotional deal, and it sounds like that isn't your main focus right now but it's good to read up and talk to people before making contact. Just something to think about if you go that route. You can absolutely pursue information from the hospital without needing to meet your donor.
posted by medusa at 6:57 PM on July 19, 2013
posted by medusa at 6:57 PM on July 19, 2013
The hospital may have all the health and history information for you now, even if it wasn't available then, but it's doubtful you'll get the donor's identity from them.
If you care more about the basics of health risks, genetic conditions, and nationality/ethnicity, you may want to skip tracking down the sperm donor and try using a genetic profiling service like 23andme instead.
Please consider the strong possibility that you will never be able to find the identity of your donor, and that the donor may not want to be found.
posted by erst at 6:59 PM on July 19, 2013
If you care more about the basics of health risks, genetic conditions, and nationality/ethnicity, you may want to skip tracking down the sperm donor and try using a genetic profiling service like 23andme instead.
Please consider the strong possibility that you will never be able to find the identity of your donor, and that the donor may not want to be found.
posted by erst at 6:59 PM on July 19, 2013
there's this big gaping hole in my family medical history
Genetic profiling is down to $100 now.
posted by yohko at 5:49 AM on July 20, 2013
Genetic profiling is down to $100 now.
posted by yohko at 5:49 AM on July 20, 2013
Genetic profiling might preclude insurance coverage in the future if they turn up anything bad though: something to think about before taking up yohko's suggestion.
posted by springbound at 5:54 AM on July 20, 2013
posted by springbound at 5:54 AM on July 20, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
Today parents get a health history and donor number for donors. Since you didn't mention these, I'm guessing your parents don't have this information. Have you asked them about that specially?
posted by medusa at 6:53 PM on July 19, 2013