Getting back on the horse (I am the horse)
July 13, 2013 9:45 AM Subscribe
How to and should I date the emotionally wounded?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (38 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I've started seeing a guy, couple months in. He's 36, I'm 27. I really like him. He's brilliant, interesting, funny, and handsome. He's a pretty oddball guy, but truth be told, we are pretty well matched in that way.
He was hurt pretty badly when his last relationship ended about 3 years ago. I get the feeling he is very much keeping me at arms length. I've asked him about it and he says he's not gotten this close to someone in years and is still trying to figure out if he can be in love with someone again. He also does not want to call me his girlfriend, citing the ol' "labels" refrain (I have never NOT gotten this from someone I've dated). Though we are exclusive and sleeping together so I'm not sure what else to call it.
As an example of aloofness, he has declined a few invitations of mine and later said he regretted not doing the things with me.
I am just coming to realize that I am at least a bit of a "catch." I had decided after my last relationship that I would want the next person I dated to be really excited about being with me and vice versa. This guy says he's looking for a relationship with me, but he's unsure of himself, feels inadequate, feels like damages goods etc. He said something pretty weird: that he sees part of me as a goddess and wonders if he can "worship the goddess." I'm willing to take things as slow as they need to go because I really do think being with him is something special. But then I think maybe there's someone out there who would be pretty excited and relieved to meet someone like me (kinda how I feel about the current guy). Then I tell myself nothing is perfect and I shouldn't take the fallout of his past personally. He has been very open with me. The feelings are definitely starting on my end but I can't help but feel i'm repeating old patterns of being with someone who needs to "overcome something" to love me.
Insight? Particularly people who have been really hurt by past relationships and your experience getting back on the horse? and for the record, I take him at his word; I dont think he's giving me a "line" or that he has a secret attic family or anything. Thanks mefi